Requesting a Guide

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

Still working with feelings as they come up and recognizing more when that happens.

Loved the video and noticed a clear recognition of that state of pure consciousness both in children I have known and as a clear memory within myself somewhere. The difference between the two children is stark!

I've been contemplating what you said about alive beingness and misinterpretation/labeling as confusion. From my experience that was the result of seeing myself through others eyes as a child...beliefs/thoughts forming based on reactions of others. Awareness is never confused...yes!

Happy New Year!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Happy New Year to you as well.

I should have told you that the "describe the experience....." was an exercise for you to post the results of. Please do that in your next post.

Is there any difference between the alive sense of beingness the child without self-awareness displays and the alive sense of beingness present between every thought, and, indeed, present during every thought?

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

The child that does not recognize the dot as "other" is in that pure alive awareness that is experienced between thoughts. It is the joy of pure exploration where there is pure sensation without labels where it all becomes one without commentary or during/between/behind commentary where everything blends together and there is no delineation and therefore no recognition of self being separate from the all of the experience.

This is distinctly different from the child that recognizes the dot as not her because that child is referencing outside herself to the other that either placed the dot there or the recognition that the dot does not belong to "her" and belongs outside of "her".

That pure alive beingness of the first child is the same state accessible by sitting and noticing there is no separation between self and the fireplace, for example. The self disappears and all of the environment blends into one experience. It also happens often in nature and other times during my day.

Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Good. Now.

You said, "......without labels where 'it' all becomes one ....... ."
What becomes one? Is there a dividing line between "you" and "it"? Look. Do you see such a line?


You said, ".....the same state accessible....".
What "accesses" this? Is there a dividing line between "you" and "this"? Look. Do you see such a line?

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

Ah, yes, the telltale signs of separation perspective still lingering! Wondering if it is just a habit of languaging or really feeling separate...no idea. While writing the above there was a strong feeling of flow present.

What becomes one? What accesses this? When looking happens there is no "what/who" doing anything and no line between.

No line...bottom line! Teehee!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Tell me what has changed since you started this dialogue? Was there a goal when you came in that has or has not been reached? What more do you expect to happen? Write as much as you can so I can see what-if anything-needs to be looked at.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

Many things have changed since starting the dialogue. I feel generally much better...more engaged in life and less trying to distract myself from it. I'm happier being alone. I move through the "stuck points" more easily. I'm much more in the moment and much less triggered in traffic! I'm exercising and feeling better physically and more energetic. I also see differences in my family. My children and granddaughter seem more self sufficient and less "needy". My focus is changing from family to "what's next?"

When I started this experience with you it was through the suggestion of my friend and I was a bit skeptical of the idea of "enlightenment". It felt like she was always nudging me to wake up and I was dragging my feet resistively. However, now that has cleared and I am no longer triggered. As I said in an earlier post and as also evident by the child not recognizing the dot as "other", we all know this state and are just rediscovering that we ARE it in each moment. It's not about arrival but about the journey and the journey is not without its blips and starts but it seems more simple in the "bottom line". There are no lines of separation in any of this life experience.

I am heading to Phoenix in a couple of days to see the friend I have told you about. That should be a true "test" as to how well I am doing. If there are "sticking points" she is sure to find them! It's what she is a master at. If I were to say what is needed at this point it would be intermittent contact with this dialogue through this trip in case something comes up. I'm planning to be gone 2-3 weeks so we could just "play it by ear" and only post if something is noteworthy. I'll share and you respond as you see fit if that works for you...

With deep appreciation,

Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Thanks. Very helpful.

Enjoy your trip.

I'll be around.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

No, I have not dropped off the face of the earth but it has been a very good trip so far! I wanted to just check in and let you know things are going quite well! Old triggers with my friend are basically gone which is a great relief! Not that stuff doesn't come up but the mantra still is working beautifully and my focus is on sensation and emotion moving rather than blaming someone externally or feeling shame internally. This is a big change thanks to your support on this thread!

What has appeared recently is more of an awareness of the feeling of "something missing". Right now, I have no idea what/who or anything else about it but I think it has been here my whole life and just getting stronger now that so much else has cleared. Anyway, just being with the feelings and the awareness that there is no "me" to miss anything or no "one" to miss.

AZ is beautiful and I expect to be here about a week more but not quite sure...
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

I'm glad you're enjoying your trip.

So you feel something is missing. Missing from whom? As far as the something missing, what is it that tells you that? Thought? What gives that thought any more importance than another thought that says that cows can fly? Can there actually be anything outside of or missing from present experience? Look right in front of you. Is there actually anything missing? Do you see any "holes" in the field of perception? Actually look for "missing." Isn't "something missing" just another expectation coming up about what "this" "should be," just more selfing thoughts, saying "this has been going on all my life." Look at that.

"This" is exactly as it is. There is no "other way" for it to be. There is nothing else "needed." Look at this as well.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

Yes...no holes, nothing missing just feeling/sensation in the chest. The rest is a story/thoughts about it. Also "no other way for it to be"...yes. Otherwise it wouldn't be here.

So I'm sitting in awareness with what is here. It is helpful to reread my markings in The Direct Path also.

Many thanks! Will be in touch...
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

O.K. Just keeping your "nose" to the grindstone. :)

Have fun.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,
I'm back home in CO from the trip to Phoenix. The rest of the trip went very well but not without some moments of projection and fear kicking up. However awarenesses are settling as if viewing a play on a screen and yet no one there to be viewing. I'm sure projection and fear are part of this unraveling process at this point but if there are any pearls to share, that would be a current topic.

Any ideas of where to from here?
With appreciation,
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Welcome back. I'm glad your trip was mostly enjoyable.

You say, "....awarenesses are settling as if viewing a play on a screen and yet no one there to be viewing."
By awarenesses I assume you mean "realizations," or, "aha" moments. That's good. It can seem like that, even though, as you pointed out, there is no one to even "realize" anything. Just more thoughts popping up. Awareness is actually only ever singular. It is simply another label for that alive sense of beingness which we have discussed before.

We've also discussed the fear before, and how it really is protecting nothing. You know how to deal with it when it comes. Just keep looking, and see if you find anything that it actually protects.

As to your question of where to "go" from here, I ask you the same question, and it's more important that you tell me where "you" feel you need to "go." Is there anything unseen here? Do you still feel like there is something out in some imaginary future that needs to be here in this very moment that you are reading this? Is there still seeking going on?

Go back and read your answers to the initial set of questions I gave you. I was asking you to tell me who you are. But when you read them this time, notice that what you gave me was a resume, not an answer to who you were. Look at each answer and see that each one is just an experience. Look at all the answers together, and see that who the fictional Jane thought she was, was just a seeming series of experiences.

Was there actually a separate self operating there in the past?

Is there one now?

If not, then how does it feel to see this?

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

In rereading the initial questions and the answers given, there is clear feeling of a disjointed series of experiences that string together under a label called Jane. It has been amazing to re look at all the things "tried" along the way while the seeking has been going on and the 'aha' is that there is none of that going on now! Certainly one or two practices are still with me...meditation for one...however that has changed greatly from trying to feel better to just dropping in and noticing how each moment of the day is becoming a meditation of the silent spaciousness.

Interestingly, I have been trying to write a blurb about my life for my high school publication and having a hard time describing with the usual "I am this...I have done this..." language...it seems trivial and superficial and not at all representing life at this point! Think I'll let that one go...

At this moment, all seeking seems satisfied and there is no looking to the future to satisfy some need. That said, there will probably be experiences bringing various sensations and feelings of discomfort along the way and, yes, there is knowing of how to be with them uncovering protection when they arise. Currently no separate "self" (that was only a thought anyway) out there operating in the past or looking to the future.

At this point, unless you feel otherwise, there are no needs here and nothing that feels incomplete.

With great appreciation,
Jane