Was there ever a self?
There
is never a seperate self which kind of equals there
was never a self.
There has only been experiencing now. There are thoughts about a past and a future, which gives a sense of time. But the future and past are never here. So all the me was was a bundle of thoughts and feelings, with a lot of past/future reference which gives a sense of doership in, or ownership of a story or a me.
But when watched closely every moment, it is noticed that it is not known what is going to be thought or done. It's doing itself. We don't even need thought most of the time, it has it's function, but most of the time it's just narrating in circles, whatever way it was conditioned. And feeling and senses which are connected to that narration appear accordingly. When that story is given a lot of attention, but is never investigated, it's very convincing. And is thought/felt to be true.
Can you write some more about the "beautifully impersonal"... How does it feel? What are the emotions associated with seeing this?
It feels light, the burdain of feeling seperate and so having a lot of problems is lifted. No story to carry around.
Just what appears now and now and now. It's alive and every experience experienced was not BECAUSE I'M ANNA, but just experienced and this is so for everyone.
There is nothing to own. Nobody owns anything, that makes life light, easier. I don't own money, succes. They appear and disappear in experience and not even they, thoughts and feeling about them appear and dissapear.
I don't
have children or a partner. I am not a mummy. They appear and that is wonderful. My role as a mummy is played as best as it can be at every moment and they play the part of children.
And it's free-er this way, thoughts about the way I should be AS THEIR MOM or they should be AS MY CHILD can be investigated and maybe let go. We don't have to follow the same conditioning over and over. Certain standards or moral can also be investigated as being my own thoughts.
There is never anybody to blame. My parents did what they did with as much insight they had at every moment, whatever way they were conditioned, experiencing life with whatever thought that would appear.
Who is here to judge? Although judging thoughts still happen a lot.
And so are we all just experiencing whatever experience, we can build stories around anything and believe them and experience a harder or lighter life, but there is nobody in control. There is nobody deciding to become a seeker or a murderer, and not one of those is 'better.' One maybe has more 'painful' experiences, but it's no telling which one :). It's just life living itself.
But there's not a constant light feeling or anything, just went out for shopping, feel sick actually, thought and feeling as usual, not much has changed. Although that seeking urge fell away. I can finally go out for shopping and enjoy that every moment, when before there was a need to get home as quickly as possible to sit behind the computer and listen to Rupert Spira or read whatever Nick wrote :).
And it's fun to 'catch' a thought or feeling and realise it's just another thought or feeling.
This is endless, I'm at the beginning, there is a lot to just let be :)
How would you explain this 'no-self' thingee to a friend who never heard of this stuff before?
I'm not sure that I would.
And then there is a thing about explaining things, (although that is a conditioned thought, because I have noticed that whenever I'm relaxed, words just flow without effort) but I'm usually better at asking questions.
And I would ask questions about whatever one was interested in, because I could start rambling about there being no self, but if there's no interest the other person would think I am a lunatic.
Some people have very strong opinions about people with a certain religion for example.
I'll ask her if she chose where she was born. She would have to say no if she was honest.
Did she choose her family? No.
Could it be, that if she was born in a muslimfamily in Afghanistan, raised by the people in that family, that she would have the same perspective on life as the people that are actually raised there? Could she be sure that she would find it as stupid as she does now? So finding things stupid is the way you are conditioned. Opinions are based on what was taught, what was experienced, through parents, society, whatever.
So, what makes you what you are today, is it not conditioning? Some people are conditioned this way, others another. So do you have control over the way you are conditioned? Did your parents have control over the way they were conditioned, did they ever choose the circumstance they grew up in?
Are you then a product of conditioning? Let's look at conditioning, what is conditioning?
Let's take the thought: muslim people are backwards, we just saw that that thought appears because of ones conditioning. It's not ultimately true, because the opposite thought is felt to be true by someone who lives in Afghanistan.
If that thought is not ultimately true, then could you find a thought that is?
She might say: I am dutch or a christian.
I would ask, if nobody ever told you as a child that you were dutch, would you then now know that you were dutch? Would there be any way of knowing that you are dutch or a christian? So that is just another thought that might appear, cause you have been told (in one way or another) so many times that you are that and now believe it.
Certain feelings can go along with that thought, pride, feeling unworthy, whatever way one was conditioned to feel.
So what are you? Your name, your gender, your age? How would you know if nobody ever told you? What's left now?
If she was still interested at this point and of course I would adapt the story to her interest, we could talk further about what she thinks she is. And if that thought is correct.
She might say I was a Jew before but I decided to be a christian. Let's look at when you decided to be a christian.
We would go back to the point where she decided that she was that, look at it real close, find out that it was just another label that she had put on herself, just another thought believed to be true, because she had a boyfriend at that time who believed he was a christian because who was raised that way
So if she did not make that decision willingly, but thoughts were changed due to circumstance,
was there ever a decision that she did make willingly.
Maybe she would begin to be interested. Maybe she would want to find out for herself which thoughts are actually true. She would have to go deeper and deeper to finaly find out that is just all thought!
Is there a you thinking, show me the you.
Do you know me? How do you know me, are you sure it's actually me you know or do you just know your thoughts and feelings about me? Is there a YOU that knows these thoughts and feelings about me? Show me that you.
You can't find it? Really? Wait, let me call the other guides and see if we can call you a blue or a red one, hahaha.
Let me first confirm this message and then later I will answer the last question because, i've been sitting here for a long time and already had to rewrite a big peace of it, because I had to log in again.