Hi Elad.
Here are the answers to the questions.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
What it is: the illusion seems to be a bundle of different experiences, that with the capacity of cognition, memory, creating concepts in thoughts, then strings together these experiences in a way to seem a single thing. The mind also has the hability to augument the senses with layers of interpretation which seem to give even further reality to the sense fields making it feel incredibly real. The very core idea that there is a person in the center of it, and how the world is being perceived is part of this illusion and was unoticed for a long time. There also seems to be unconcious things that go on, I cannot be sure but as we
break beliefs there's usually some form of emotional processing that happens, so emotions seem to also be strung together in all this making is sometimes really hard to question something that feels viscerally real even though when investigated we cannot find any proof of it.
When it starts: in my experience, once some layers of this start to peel off, this just seems to come and go on it's own. So far I could not recognise patterns of when it starts or stops, and even if I did, to me it seems there is no real way to know, it sometimes happens, and sometimes it doesn't. The mechanism though seems to be that attention or focus, get's narrowed to a certain view, and then life starts to be lived via that filter/narrative until it's no longer. It just seem to happen naturally for me, it seems to be a conditioned habbit that is slowly losing it's strength and a new habbit is arising to move attention out of thoughts.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It seems an on-going integration is taking place now, the concepts of world/reality starts to be deconstructed, the relationship with ideas, thoughts and concepts start to change.
In summary life is still experienced in the exact same way. New experience continues to arise, the contents of experience are never the same, keeps changing.
There seems to be a lot of changes going on in relative terms especially "internally", like this re-arranging of ideas and concepts, but ultimatly it's seen that experience was never a continuous thing, it was always changing, there was just this tendency to create a timeline to make things seem constant and known.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?
To me it seems like something very progressive is taking place, as if I was looking at a blurry image, and little smudges at a time start to clarify, then blur again, then some understanding starts to arise, then confusion, then some more is revealed of the picture, and continue to unfold in this cycle.
From a relative perspective, it can seem like some particular events made a difference, but now it's seen that these are all interpretations of certain experiences that happened.
I have a feeling that a shift took place a long time ago, and it was so subtle that it was completly overlooked, and only now I can see the relevance of it, like a little change in steer that on the long run changed completly the course of things. But it would be impossible for me to know.
What has been constant in my practices is allowing emotional release feeling more and more emotions that come up, challenging beliefs, and inquiry.
There has been so many moments that seemed like shifts that it's hard to tell how this happened, sometimes this thought even pops up in my mind, like "how did I get here, how did this happen to me?".
Even though I was seeking it, at the same time it seems like the seeking brought me here, and at the sme time it didn't.
I think the last shift that felt most significant, and I notice a trend on this, was letting go, deeper and deeper,
and for me it seems like only life was able to make that happen for me, because getting sick in christmas time forcing me
to drop all practice and having a massive surge of unexpected emotions that I had no control over and couldn't understand
where they were comming from, seemed like a key turning point to see I was not in control of this process or anything at all.
So I would probably say the feeling of control seems to be the last one that started to disolve.
Another thing that comes to mind, is realising that this flip/flop in experience, is just two aspects arising,
this feeling of time and narrative. When doing deep sited investigation, insights seem clear, and when in movement living daily life it's not clear.
Being able to come back to the moment and look at what is going on now has helped see that it's all just an illusion/perceptions trick.
And seeing through the belief that this had to change and that experience would feel a certain way when we wake up was also key.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.
Decision: decisions still happens, there are decisions being made, but I cannot find who or what makes them.
If I look really close, I can only find sensations, thoughts, and a feeling of agency, but cannot find anything behind it.
I also cannot know what decision will be made.
free will: free will seems like an idea to me. Seems like the same idea of being able to make decisions.
In one level, when there is a sense of being someone, there is this apparent hability to make choices, but that is entirely dependent of believing the idea that there is separation, that there is someone here making choices. There is life happening as it is happening, if there is no need to claim who is chosing, that question doesnt even arise. If there are choices being made, that's what is happening, but ultimatly what is a choice if not another compartimentalization of a single aspect
of experience, into a concept. I don't say I am chosing to see, but I say I am chosing to make a certain movement. There is movement happening, there is claiming of ownership of the movement, where is the one claiming it? I cannot choose what arises in my experience, I cannot choose to suddlenly just be in another dimention. I cannot choose to stop existing.
control: I think the both arguments above covers this as well, it's all the same ilusion to me.
6) What makes things happen? How does it work?
I think this will forever stay a mistery :D
That is, if when you say "things happen"? You are talking about the fact that "there is" something rather than "there isn't anything".
That there is an experience being known, that there is "knowing" at all. Knowing/experiencing/appearances.
From that perspective, I just see there is an existence, but impossible to know "what" or "how" it's possible or happening.
7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Responsibility seems directly attached to the idea of agency as well.
On relative/practical/conventional terms, I can say or behave like I am responsible to raise my son. But if I have no control of anything how can I be responsible? Life doesnt need me maintaining it to continue to happen, it's gonna happen either way. I can take responsibility for my actions but who is responsible to make that decision to do so? The same idea of agency/decisions come into question.
8) Anything to add?
It was very helpful to me as I have had very subtle shifts, which seems very different from all the non-duality content I have consumed, like internet videos, books, etc. And I consumed a lot, and questioning these ideas was helpful.
I know the last place I wanted to look into is the beliefs I had created about this process, and sometimes it can be deflating, and scrary, I got attached to the struggle, or the idea that this process needs to take a life time, or that I needed to go through a lot more before I am ready and all sorts of things in that line.
It has been very helpful for me that Elad asked me a few times during the guidance if there were beliefs about this process and doubt.
This was very relevant for me, to questions even the ideas of practice.