Who am I?

[Lauren22]

I just re-listened to the second pointer “Beginning Thinking”, I got to a place where I could feel the direct experience of the tension and thinking of my mind and body but I was kind of outside of it. I had the DE of my whole body within space.

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good. I love that one. Well, I love all of them.

I had the DE of my whole body within space.

So, what, specifically, IS the Direct Experience? Use words a body can feel, such as pressure, temperature, things like that.

Keep LOOKING.

And posting what your 5 senses encounter.

The experience of no self is likely to dawn on you sometimes when you are not looking. LOOKING just sets up the conditions.

"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation (like pointers) makes you accident prone."

Sunryu Suzuki

Loving,

[Lauren22]

So, what, specifically, IS the Direct Experience?

The direct experience is pressure and tension and heat in space. I feel the cool sheets. There are thoughts and lots of pressure and discomfort, it’s in space, which feels unlimited and vast. Both are happening. I bounce in and out of this awareness, but the meditations are helping me stay with DE longer without bouncing out.

[Anastacia42]

What are you bouncing in & out of?

That can happen for a long time. It doesn't mean you aren't seeing there is no self.

Watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.


Try this, too.


Nature Exercise

Go out into nature and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

If yes, where is the boundary?

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

Loving

[Lauren22]

What are you bouncing in & out of?

Being aware of this mind/body system occurring as Lauren - the ceaseless thoughts and pressure and strain and tightness. Being aware, like being in the space outside of it vs identifying as it - being in it.

If yes, where is the boundary?

The boundary feels like the internal pressure that is “me”. It feels separate inside.

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

There is just life. I am just life. I guess the internal mind/feelings are just part of that.

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Everything is included in the movement of the whole.

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

The “I” feels that way, it feels narrow, like tunnel vision efforting really hard, watching, behind my eyes and in my head.

Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

I can see it’s all part of it, it’s all part of the whole. Even this narrowing effort with my head happening.

Is there anything which is not just happening?

No, it’s all just happening and I’m not in control. If I was in control, I wouldn’t choose to be trying so hard

[Anastacia42]

pressure and strain and tightness.

boundary feels like the internal pressure that is “me”.

This "pressure" - does it feel like the lie feeling we went over? Many people confuse the lie feeling & try to call it a "self." It is not.

LOOK is there any "self" in Direct Experience or just the tension telling you that you're lying?

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[Lauren22]

LOOK is there any "self" in Direct Experience or just the tension telling you that you're lying?

It’s just the tension of the lie feeling. My whole body feels like the tension of a lie.

What is found?

A feeling of panic. But when I do this exercise the lie feeling doesn’t go away, whether I’m recalling a lie or just resting, the tension is there.

Do you see that?

I see that the tension of this body is happening in space. The meditations are really helping me notice this space and how it is constantly meeting the DE of tension and thoughts and pressure of the body.

[Anastacia42]

Good. Yes. It is not surprising to be in a lie all of the time while believing in a "self."

As for fear, here are some things to try:

There is a Direct Looking process for fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi

And for in-the-moment anxiety, this works:

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.I see the keyboard.I see the glass. Etc.
I hear the train.I hear the keys clacking.I hear my breath. Etc.
I feel the couch under my butt.I feel my fingers on the keys.I feel the cold air. Etc.
I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.I taste the coffee.I taste the food. Etc.
I smell the humidity in the air.I smell my husband's shampoo.I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Still there? Do you still want to be guided here?

[Lauren22]

Yes! I am sensing it more and more. The fear video helped. It told me I am choosing it.

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

We are looking for a shift in perception. Fear blocks that. So do expectations.

The shift may happen subtly over time or it may hit like a ton of bricks.


Have you read the examples in Gateless Gatecrashers which you can download here?

Loving,

[Lauren22]

Yes, the shift is happening subtly over time for me.

I have the book Gateless Gatecrashers. I will go back to reading it more.

This feels exciting.

Thank you

[Anastacia42]

Hope you see this in time.

This Sunday. 6 to 8 pm UTC +4 Mauritius Time

Deep looking is for you if you have an ongoing issue that makes you feel stuck, if you are looking for peace but cannot find it, if your heart is longing for something deep and meaningful, but nothing satisfies that longing.

Come to a meeting with a small group and we can explore together, giving space for tension to unwind.

You can use the old link, that you have or email me at admin@ilonaciunaite.com and I will send it to you.

See you there! (Ilona)
✨❤️✨

[Lauren22]

Thank you! I just emailed her for the link

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

Hope you made it to the meeting. if so how was it? if not, she does these every month.

Let's move on with some pointers if you have the fear somewhat handled.

Here is another exercise that makes it clearer that labels are not the things they refer to. They are merely the content of thought that we made up.

Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with something called "reality." But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like "good" and "bad" are inherent characteristics of "things." But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the red color "experienced" or is color green "experienced" as the label suggests?

Do the labels have a one-to-one correspondence with "reality?"

Or do the labels suggest something else other than what is here now (red color)?

Is green-ness an inherent attribute of the "experience" of the red color; or is green just a word label on the experience of the red color?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become "good" or "bad," or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?


Loving,