1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is absolutely no self, me or I entity that exists separately. It’s not possible.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is thought content left unchecked or verified by actual experience. Thinking happens and provides a model for navigating actual experiences. Without verifying the validity of thought content, more thinking compounds similar content, in the style of a positive feedback loop. Sensations felt in actual experience are described by thoughts and seem to blend in an indisputable self. Sensations and thinking exacerbate each other, thinking takes a flavor of resistance and what is commonly referred to as suffering takes hold.
Whenever or whatever the contents of thinking are noticed, direct experience is always available to investigate the reality and accuracy.
A self, I or me is insubstantial content of thinking. Nothing more. It is fantasizing, dreaming. Not real.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Occasionally seeing this can feel mysterious and curious. Sensations feel wider and quieter, like deep listening. Sometimes thought content stimulates a startle in felt experience yet felt sensations are settling in and relaxing. It’s fascinating and mildly exciting.
Before this dialogue I just hadn’t known how to look at direct experience. I thought about this experience and tried to do it by thinking or even meditating but never really understood how to look whilst setting thoughts to the side.
I used to try to figure all of this out. Now I’m looking and receive the direct answer that is there, always available. I am sensing for verification of thoughts and seeing what is there, not what’s assumed or thought. This has a strong calming effect on sensations which in turn calms thinking content.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The direct pointing that there cannot be two experiences, paired with the observable fact that thoughts cannot do anything and the caution that a change in perception can be very very subtle opened it all up. I looked.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decision is content of thinking that creates a story about an unfolding in actual experience. It assumes a separate individual has a location, will and ability to make an effect on other separate things. In actuality reality is a continuous unfolding without separation that cannot be described yet can be easily seen.
Example: I decided to have iced tea.
Sensations described in thought content using labels I, thirst, iced tea, drinking spontaneously unfold without any doer doing anywhere.
to be continued…