Seeking, constantly seeking

[KB1]

Good morning Stacy

Can you now say 100% that there's no separate "self? " Can you SEE that it was a story?

I can say there is no separate self when I look. But what I am not getting is I don’t feel any different, maybe I’m not supposed to?

My mind is still running the show. Yes when I stop and look I can feel the space but that’s only a very small part of my day. Generally I’m still consumed by thoughts, worries, fears and anxiety.

Thank you

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Okay, so a few things here.

I do think you have a bit farther to go. Most people report feeling more relaxed & spacious. Have you read Gateless Gatecrashers? You can download it here from Resources, Books.

For the anxiety:

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

And this:

https://youtu.be/IbtozHC6p0w

See if those help.

Loving,

[KB1]

Hi Stacy

Thank you so much.

Yes, they both helped. I haven’t read the Gateless Gatecrashers. I will download today.

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Good.

Read to notice when the client felt a shift.

Let me know what is found.

Loving,

[KB1]

Good evening Stacy

I’m fully immersed in the stories/journeys in the book. I can relate. I’ll come back to you tomorrow with my thoughts.

Thank you again for everything.

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good.

[KB1]

Hi Stacy

Not sure if I have to keep checking in daily but just a note to say I’m still reading.

Thank you

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Yes, the daily check-in is to keep you looking and to give me the opportunity to offer any clarification, etc.

Do you have any questions or comments about what you are reading? Some people SEE just by reading those.

Please do.

Loving,

[KB1]

Hi Stacy

Do you have any questions or comments about what you are reading?

I have read the journey of Joao below and he has seen there is no self. He then asks the below question. This is exactly where I am ( I think). But the response seems to be keep practising or have I missed something?


“João: There’s no free will, because there’s no one with a will. There are also no choices and decisions to be made. Everything just happens by itself. The illusion of self makes the events of life look like decisions. But there’s no one to make decisions!

I know there is no one to make decisions, yet there’s a feeling that we do. So how do we not decide? For example, if I have to choose between right and left, how can I not choose to make the best choice for me? Am I making myself clear?
You still want right, even though you’re through. How do you deal with it?”


Thank you

[Anastacia42]

Good morning

I just re-read your thread again. You're stuck in doubt.

Please understand that feeling or thinking there's a "self" are illusory. Seeing is Actual Experience. You will never see a "self" because there isn't one.

Now, as far as decisions one of my teachers put it this way: he said we "lean" one way or the other. Then we just follow that simple, subtle "leaning."

Another way is to look for that gut feel: is it relaxed or tight? Some people call this the "body yes" and "body no."

I have times in my life when I ignored or didn't follow the body no. One was in choosing a kitten. A calico chose me, curled up on my chest & fell asleep. I wanted her to have a companion so I took a a Siamese as well. I felt that clenching in my gut, but I ignored it. Less than 6 months later Puff was just yowling to go outside - earlier than I usually allowed. But I gave in & let him go out.

He became a coyote's breakfast that morning. I know because that afternoon a neighbor told me he saw the coyote with Puff in her mouth. The neighbor chased them, but the coyote was faster & got away.

All of that is okay & the way of nature, including the fact that we humans ignore our body signals, but it's a good example of how that can work.

So, notice which way you're leaning & check your gut for expansion or body yes and contraction or body no.

How are you doing with ButtChair these days? Or world you rather avoid that?

Loving,

[KB1]

Hi Stacy

Yes definitely stuck in doubt.

That makes sense re trusting the gut and not getting caught up in thought.

How are you doing with ButtChair these days?

I haven’t been doing it but I will start again and come back to you.

Thank you

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Stay relaxed. If you get frustrated, stop & come back later.

Loving,

[KB1]

Hi Stacy

Thank you for sharing your sorry about the decision regarding your cats. It got me thinking.

I work in a regulated environment, I’ve tried to say my decisions don’t matter and they aren’t important as there is no free will, nothing matters because there is no self and there are no decisions

1. I’m a lawyer- every decision I make is more or less decided as right or wrong either via a regulator, client or a court
2. I can’t just to say to the regulator or the court none of this matters it’s not real.
3. Clients also are also by and large angry- i work in litigation.

It’s a constant every day. I try to take time to come here, look inward but it seems society and my world is very this is right, this is wrong.

These are just some thoughts I’ve allowed to be written. It’s a story I know but it’s one I live every day.

Thank you

Kara

[Anastacia42]

Right.

In the Absolute, nothing happens to no one.

In the relative, everyone is still believing untrue stories.

Fetters 4 & 5 in Buddhism are about desire & ill will - pretty much the area in which you work. We don't guide that here. You can join a group that's working on that, even now if you like, but first, Fetters 1 (self), 2 (doubt) and 3 (rites & rituals) need to drop. They usually do so together.

In your case, you may have clearly seen there's no self, but doubt may keep pulling you in.

Keep reading.

Keep LOOKING via ButtChair.

Relax & be patient. Ask me any questions.

Loving,

[KB1]

Good evening Stacy

Thank you once again for your help. I’ve been doing butt chair and finally I cannot find a separation or a dividing line or boundary between the butt and the chair. In fact I felt a weird sensation every time I did it, zen, calm, peace.

I am making progress here so maybe I’ll not join the other group for now unless you think it would help?

I am finding I can access the space, peace whatever the word is when I have time to sit and look inward. It’s just there readily available. I am really enjoying that. I’m going to keep going with butt chair.

Thank you

Kara