Letting go

[Anastacia42]

This is talked to text but I think you can figure it out above.

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy.
Thank you. I've had no time today, so will go back to this tomorrow.
I was kidding about whether confusion is direct experience 😁
I'm so grateful for all your kindness xxx

[Anastacia42]

I thought maybe you were, but there is an answer!

All emotions are Sensation plus a story about that.

Much love!

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy,

Try this one:
Imagine “me”
Write what is Direct Experience, no stories.

There is no direct experience of a 'me', or of 'no me'.

How does it FEEL to see no self?(Oct 3rd)

The 'Imagine "me" ' exercise led to not finding a self, and a feeling of confusion.

What makes up confusion?

In this instance, sensations of mild panic in the head, heart and gut.

It's so hard to not write more! The brevity of my answers belies the amount of time and application I have put in this week. It seems like no matter how many times I look for an I/me and fail to find anything, I don't feel any different and nothing seems to have changed.
With love and thanks xxx

[Anastacia42]

Hi Steph,

That's okay. It can take a while. You're basically un- learning some very basic things you've believed all your life & that most people will never even question.

Relax.

I am sure you're giving this plenty of time. There is no need to prove it with lots of words. This is different from school.

sensations of mild panic in the head, heart and gut.

"Panic" is not a (body) Sensation. It's an emotion & what are emotions made of?

Tell me the Direct Experience of what you are labeling "panic."

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

When you have this thing you're labeling "panic," do you See an image?

Hear a sound?

Feel a Sensation in your body?

Taste something?

Smell something?

Notice a Thought Arising (with some accompanying story)?

You say you feel something labeled "fear" when you imagine no "me" in your head.

Fear & expectations are the only things that can prevent SEEING.

That is the reason that those are the first 2 questions I asked you. I asked you 4 questions about how things will be different (expectations) and I asked you what came up when you read there is no self and never has been (any fear?)

That's okay! We can see through that.

But first, let's continue learning what Actual or Direct Experience is.

Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy.
Thanks again for your kindness.
I'm having trouble re-finding that sensation of mild panic that arose when not being able to pinpoint where the notion of an 'I' is in my head, so it's hard to examine what it was made up of.
I'll try to answer your questions tomorrow.
Much love xxx

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

Just remember it. Once you do, it will be easy. It can be examined in "memory."

This can all be so simple, but we try to make it difficult & complicated.

Much love,

[Anastacia42]

And you are quite welcome, Steph. If I can't be kind, I should not be doing this. Then again, sometimes there's something to be said for a quick tap of the stick to get someone's attention, too. But I don't see any need for that at the moment.

You're doing fine! Relax & have fun with it.

Much love,

[Anastacia42]

By the way, I've given you the answer about emotions 3 or 4 times, most recently on Friday & Saturday.

When you notice this, you may laugh.

Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Ha ha! Yes. But it needs to be seen :-) xxx ....

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy.
Thank you for all your replies.

Relax.

Thank you :-)

Tell me the Direct Experience of what you are labeling "panic."

When you have this thing you're labeling "panic," do you See an image?

No

Hear a sound?

No

Feel a Sensation in your body?

Yes. Sensations in the scalp, face, the back of the palette, the throat, heart, gut, hands.

Taste something?

No

Smell something?

No

Notice a Thought Arising (with some accompanying story)?

Yes.
Subsequent to the sensations. Or is it? Is the failure to find - finding nothing - a thought? It seems more like a lack of something. But is that still a thought? I guess it is, because it's an observation. So the wordless observation comes first, then the sensations, then thoughts and their content arising.
The accompanying story was thinking it felt like when you turn to speak to your small child who was right next to you in a store, and see they've gone! And it's almost like there's a child-shaped space there where they were! Except there's no shape to an I/me.

With love and thanks xxx

[Anastacia42]

Good morning!

Ha ha! Yes. But it needs to be seen :-) xxx ....

I mean literally.In words right there on the page here. In every list of Direct Experience.

You found it. Emotions are Sensation plus a made up story, a label.

So the wordless observation comes first, then the sensations, then thoughts and their content arising.

Yes. Exactly.

when you turn to speak to your small child who was right next to you in a store, and see they've gone!

Good analogy. Rest in that space of "gone." Relax there. What is found? Write what is true.

Loving

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy.

Rest in that space of "gone." Relax there. What is found? Write what is true.

I've been trying to find that space again today, but not getting a sense of it. Just an intellectual idea rather than seeing/sensing it.
I'll do it again tomorrow :-)
With love and thanks xxx

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good. Don't struggle. Just relax.

Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy.
I still wasn't able to re-find the same sense of 'gone' that I had before. So, I revisited the 'Where is I' transcript, and have been looking at what is the location of thought? And what is the relationship of a perceived 'I' to thoughts? When I looked for thoughts today, there was a sense of kind of lostness and dislocation, there's only an 'I' in the moments when direct experience appears to awareness, and later on that felt like a weird kind of indestructabilty. Kind of edging nearer to a realisation of how everything that is perceived arises within awareness, and awareness is indestructible. I got this when doing the IAM meditations before, on looking into whether there are any boundaries to awareness. I've been waiting for a 'mind blown' moment, even though that expectation blocks seeing!!! But seeing does seem to be opening up incrementally, and today I've lost that attachment to some big reveal moment xxx