Time to Jump!

[Bananafish]

Hi Riverwind. :)

Thanks for the report!


Please keep reporting anything you feel like reporting.

And please consider proceeding to the final set of questions when you
really feel that the search is over.


Warm wishes,

Bananafish

[Riverwind]

Hi Bananafish,

Please keep reporting anything you feel like reporting.

Not much to report today.
Still more irritated than usual, but nothing like yesterday.  
Caught myself once or twice about to use observation as means to avoid confronting something.
But once seeing it, "I allowed" the things be as they are, even when difficult or unpleasant.

And please consider proceeding to the final set of questions when you
really feel that the search is over.  

I feel that the search is over.
Will you (or another guide) be available in the future, if there will be a need for further inquiry?
Either way, I feel that I am ready to proceed to the final set of questions.

Thank you very much!!
Riverwind

[Bananafish]

Hi Riverwind. :)

I feel that the search is over.
Will you (or another guide) be available in the future, if there will be a need for further inquiry?
Either way, I feel that I am ready to proceed to the final set of questions.

Of course, I will be available for further guidance, and if you wish
another guide, that's perfectly ok. :)


I'm now giving you the final questions. Please enjoy!



1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?



Warm regards,

Bananafish

[Riverwind]

Hi Bananafish,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

As far as I can tel, No. There is not and there was never one.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self, is, that thoughts like  I, me, myself, mine etc, point to an entity which is concrete and separated from everything else.
This imaginary entity, then, seems to "own" sensations, thoughts, feelings etc. 

From my experience It all starts with a sensation, feeling, thought or action that arise. 
Then, the belief that these were done by someone arise and starts a vicious circle.As the "owner" of sensations, thoughts, feelings etc. this entity is then expected to take control of the way "his/her" life unfolds.

The natural process includes all relevant feelings emotions and actions. 
But , with the addition of an artificial process (the self), the experience becomes limited, less effective and psychological suffering is born.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels so natural now, that it is hard for me to remember how it was before.
But when trying to remember:
The difference is that then, there was a basic feeling that something is wrong and that basically "I" am a wrong being.      Now, there isn't.
There was a constant effort to get to the bottom of whatever is wrong.        Now there is no such effort.
There was a feeling of me against the world/life/fate/karma/other people and most of all, against "myself".    Now there is not.
There were a lot of thoughts about how I am compared to others and to how am "supposed to be".  Now there are very little of these, if any.
There was a feeling that everything is boring, already done, repeating itself, predictable etc.  This feeling is gone.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

You asked: 

Is self felt to be a concrete "thing" separate from everything else?Please tell me how it is felt to be

.

When struggling with this question I asked myself what makes a thing a concrete thing/what does it mean a concrete thing.
Then, I saw that any image, thought, memory etc that I was remembering at that moment were not a concrete thing.
And that self is always one of those things, therefore it is not a concrete thing.

This was the most important moment, but after it there was still some confusion, doubts and clinging.
Then, with a few more pushes it was over.
These smaller (but very important) ones were the advice to try "stopping putting energy/attention" into inquiry; and the push in the end to give a clear yes or no answer to the question if I am feeling liberated or not.

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Decision, intention, choice/s are all natural processes. 
What makes things happen is a process of cause/s and effect/s. 

I, as a concrete separate entity does not exist, therefore, does not responsible for anything.
This fact, however, should not be confused with a mental structure of an I who does not need to take responsibility.
Such mental structure is just as false for obvious reasons.

For example, if I notice that the dishes in the sink are dirty, there is an automatic process that takes place (in milliseconds) in which many things are being evaluated. 
Things like the time I have; priorities compared with other tasks etc and possibly also feelings and emotions such as tiredness or even bitterness which remained from a hard argument with my wife. 
Then, all these and other things are automatically calculated and evaluated.
Then, a decision is made.
Who was responsible for this decision? No one. It just happened. 
Only if there is a belief in no self (as opposed to seeing that there is no self), a thought like "I am not responsible for these dishes because there is no I" can be taken seriously and is likely to be acted upon. 

In reality, I find myself taking responsibility for everything now. Much more than before.
This is due to the fact that without the distortion of self, this is usually the most practical and natural thing to do.
A lot of time and energy are then freed for more important and/or enjoyable things.

6) Anything to add?

Now, every day is an adventure and there is no telling what is coming next.
This is exciting!


Thank you very much!!!
Riverwind 

[Bananafish]

Hi Riverwind. :)


Thanks for the beautiful answers.

Now I will forward this thread to my fellow guides so that they can have
a look at it and ask questions, if any.


Warm wishes,

Bananafish

[Riverwind]

Hi Bananafish,

Thank you so much for your patience and wonderful work!
Your direct approach has proven most effective in penetrating through some (quite annoying, I'm sure) defense mechanisms.
Like I have mentioned before this was a once in a life time opportunity for me. Truly appreciated.

Warm wishes for you too!!
どうもありがとう！

Riverwind