The Gate

The pain is always there flowing underneath: not belonging, exile from love. it's so odd because I am now in the most beautiful unconditional love which doesn't possess.

As I walk I allow it to show itself, not difficult, I look through the deep hurt and loss and see suffering. I only knew it was suffering once I knew the experience of unconditional free flowing love. So suffering lives with love.

Trying not to get caught in the story but wanted to explain that the suffering came because the whole family was inducted into a ritual of feeling my body every day for fat. The loss and suffering is about not belonging and yet here/now I know the beauty of being one with love and not separated from.

The ache flows through my open heart - it aches for suffering and pain. But without suffering I wouldn't know joy.

Suffering points down and down into being... Something that is whole. Sitting here I see that suffering comes from separation but it's Sara's separation story which creates suffering. Does belonging exist in AE?

IT HURTS and always has done.... This is known and has been known since the (my) heart opened itself to knowing love. I didn't know the hurt in my heart before then - it was just a distorted and twisted acting out of hurt without conscious knowledge but the hurt became consciously known when love became consciously known.

Right now every ache howls through my being... It lives with me but mostly I focus elsewhere otherwise I'd not stop crying. It has got less with time as I sink into the love that surrounds me now but it's a paradox that I feel the ache because of this love.

I'll answer your questions in another post today. Just wanted to use this quiet time to go into the suffering.

In the end just deep deep sadness that breaks free of the story and shows itself in an eternal, endless deep howl of suffering that I can find in all things. The exercise today, as I knew it would, has again taken the day into an unending suffering that also occurs when I hear of rain forests being cut down or animals being tortured or the deep pain of others.

Everything from the separate story of Sara's pain points, at the moment, to a pain felt for all things. This pain of suffering feels infinite, deeper than any known depths, unfathomable.

The day is overcast by this suffering and all the is of me is suffering. I'm aware of trying to keep things tangible so I can function as a human being required to be here to do the things needed to be done.

Sitting quietly, eyes closed, following pain where it goes. It just went down and down, a weak sun showed up and then just these words "pain, your pain, our pain - it is all the same pain, one pain. It hurts so badly... It is not new to me but today I'm following it deeper and letting it speak...

Deeper into pain. No inside or outside or anything.... Then... Just expansion into everything and nothing. A sense of welcome, of love of just... Well everything is in everything. Now to do some cleaning...

Deeper into pain. No inside or outside or anything.... Then... Just expansion into everything and nothing. A sense of welcome, of love of just... Well everything is in everything. Now to do some cleaning...

In German it is called Weltschmerz - world pain, the pain for all the pain and hurt in the world. Weltschmerz can be a feeling without physical pain but it can also come with it.
As odd as it sounds to empathic beings - where is that what causes the Weltschmerz in the actual experience? In the right now?
Isn't it only in memory aka thoughts?
How can a thought cause pain?

I can't know, right, but it sounds a bit as if Weltschmerz is a well known place for you, you find easily and you don't feel comfortable in it but it gives the comfort of a well trodden path.
If you like you can try something:
Say Hi to Weltschmerz and then ask what is behind it. It might mask something.
Be gentle, what is there is there, no force needed, if nothing appears it is as good.

Hint: If pain appears ask yourself what pain is in AE and who has the pain.

I sent you a pm. You see the notification top left on the page´, to the left of your name.

Love,
Jadzia

As odd as it sounds to empathic beings - where is that what causes the Weltschmerz in the actual experience? In the right now?
Isn't it only in memory aka thoughts?
How can a thought cause pain?

I can't find this pain in memory or thoughts but when I hear of pain in the rain forest I can hear it crying and my whole body aches.

In AE there is an experience of something heavy causing an ache. But all of these are words and 'hearing about the rain forest' is not AE is it...

You are right....

Say Hi to Weltschmerz and then ask what is behind it. It might mask something.
Be gentle, what is there is there, no force needed, if nothing appears it is as good.

Hint: If pain appears ask yourself what pain is in AE and who has the pain.

this is a good thing to do. Thank you 🙏

Love
Sara

Break Time, Naow!!!!

In AE there is an experience of something heavy causing an ache. But all of these are words and 'hearing about the rain forest' is not AE is it

When we'll skype tomorrow we will explore this first, ok?

Love,
Jadzia

The promised excercise, this is for looking if there is a separate feeler found anywhere.

Close your eyes and spend some time feeling the various bodily sensations that present themselves, pay close attention to the actual experience of feeling, then allow your attention to rest on one particular sensation, the feeling of your body in contact with the chair, your feet touching the floor, rubbing your hands together perhaps, your eyes moving behind your eye lids, or the slight sensation of pain in the back of your neck.

And as you allow the experience of feeling that sensation to become the focus of your attention take a good look and see if you can determine any separate elements occurring within the actual experience - is there any evidence that there is a separate feeler that is feeling the sensation?

Is there an actual experience of a feeler? or does the actual experience only consist of feeling?
You are clear that when the words "I" or "me" are used to refer to something in actual experience, like a body or a stream of thoughts, it is just a convenient but ultimately unnecessary label for a collection of real things, you have not been able to find an additional entity beyond that collection to which the words "I" or "me" refer.

Explore this and share what you find. :-)

Love,
Jadzia

Dear, dear Jadzia - thank you for all you do to help me find the way.

Close your eyes and spend some time feeling the various bodily sensations that present themselves, pay close attention to the actual experience of feeling, then allow your attention to rest on one particular sensation, the feeling of your body in contact with the chair, your feet touching the floor, rubbing your hands together perhaps, your eyes moving behind your eye lids, or the slight sensation of pain in the back of your neck.

And as you allow the experience of feeling that sensation to become the focus of your attention take a good look and see if you can determine any separate elements occurring within the actual experience - is there any evidence that there is a separate feeler that is feeling the sensation?

This is so peaceful to do because there is no 'feeler' - no responsibility for what's happening - hmmm, I wonder how easy that would be if the sensation were terrible pain??? (It would be nice to think there would be no 'feeler' there!!!!!) But, of course, the feeling still happens.

Is there an actual experience of a feeler? or does the actual experience only consist of feeling?

It's an experience, just experience feeling experience feeling.....so peaceful to just be in it :-)

You are clear that when the words "I" or "me" are used to refer to something in actual experience, like a body or a stream of thoughts, it is just a convenient but ultimately unnecessary label for a collection of real things, you have not been able to find an additional entity beyond that collection to which the words "I" or "me" refer.

Yes :-)!!

Jadzia, I also started exploring the 'sweet spot' between thought and physical sensation (feeling) - it was amazing because first it just appeared as just doing/being with nothing going on about any of it. BUT...and this is quite fun - it reminded me of a scene in Star Trek where they have to fly into a really narrow zone with obstacles either side. Anyway, it seems the space of nothing was there for a moment - just beautiful nothingness.

Thank you
Love
Sara

So no one who does the feeling or can claim a feeling?
Sensations are always there, coming and going, belonging to no one?
Pain isn't actually much different, just what is called another kind of sensation....

BUT...and this is quite fun - it reminded me of a scene in Star Trek where they have to fly into a really narrow zone with obstacles either side. Anyway, it seems the space of nothing was there for a moment - just beautiful nothingness.

You found a picture which works good.
Being in this spot look if there is any connection between thought and emotion. For there to be a connection it would need something in AE.
In this spot allow all sensations, one labeled word, expanding, looking behind, being thankful for what each does for you.

Lets do the same with hearing:
Find somewhere quiet to sit. Rest for a moment and listen to the sounds in the room where you are, or sounds from outside. Whatever it is, I'll just refer to it as 'what can be heard'.

1) In 'hearing' can anything be found other than 'what can be heard'?
2) Can what is doing the hearing be found? Or is there only 'what can be heard'?
3) An 'I'? a 'body'? a 'person'? a brain? a pair of ears? Can these be found doing the hearing? Or is there just 'what can be heard'?
What do you find?

Can an INHERENT HEARER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the hearer, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

Love,
Jadzia

Being in this spot look if there is any connection between thought and emotion. For there to be a connection it would need something in AE.
In this spot allow all sensations, one labeled word, expanding, looking behind, being thankful for what each does for you.

No connection between thought and emotion can be found in AE. This is such a 'game changer' ☺️.

Lets do the same with hearing:
Find somewhere quiet to sit. Rest for a moment and listen to the sounds in the room where you are, or sounds from outside. Whatever it is, I'll just refer to it as 'what can be heard'.

1) In 'hearing' can anything be found other than 'what can be heard'?

No, absolutely not and leaving all words/labels out of it, just letting sounds be, it's amazing how all encompassing they become, as if not being limited by a name allows the sounds/sound to expand.

2) Can what is doing the hearing be found? Or is there only 'what can be heard'?

This was funny ☺️...I tried to make my ears 'do' hearing and that was just so odd. So no, nothing doing hearing could be found. It's so obvious when you start working with it.

3) An 'I'? a 'body'? a 'person'? a brain? a pair of ears? Can these be found doing the hearing? Or is there just 'what can be heard'?

No...I couldn't find or make anything do hearing, it all just is what can be heard.

Can an INHERENT HEARER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the hearer, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

Jadzia, I spent the whole day experimenting with this exercise, both with sensation and sound. When I caught what could be heard or felt, it was weird to notice there was no inherent feeler or hearer - everything just being experienced with NO doer anywhere to be found.

So a 'hearer' can only be an idea created by the mind separating itself from what's experienced - meaning that 'hearer' is borne out of pure thought, nothing more/nothing less.

Good night dear Jadzia
Sleep well
Love
Sara 🙏

Well done!

No connection between thought and emotion can be found in AE. This is such a 'game changer' ☺️.

Oh, yes.

When I caught what could be heard or felt, it was weird to notice there was no inherent feeler or hearer - everything just being experienced with NO doer anywhere to be found.

Just what can be heard or felt.

So a 'hearer' can only be an idea created by the mind separating itself from what's experienced - meaning that 'hearer' is borne out of pure thought, nothing more/nothing less.

Yes.
Now lets get the full joke: Can a mind be found in AE?

Because it is fun, what about seeing?
Look at whatever is in front of you. It is seen from the perspective of two windows (eyes) or is it like a windscreen view? Now zoom back in and try to find the thing that’s seeing. Is there seeing separate from what’s seen, or is there just what’s seen?
Is there any awareness separate from experience or is there just experience?

Love,
Jadzia

When I caught what could be heard or felt, it was weird to notice there was no inherent feeler or hearer - everything just being experienced with NO doer anywhere to be found.

Just what can be heard or felt.

Without labels, and in AE, what can be heard or felt is just experience of sensation (sound, touch etc). Without labels it's all just wordless experience...🤔🤔🤔

Now lets get the full joke: Can a mind be found in AE?

Ooh lordy... This is interesting because first there's the thought "well, mind is the 'home' of thought so where is it?". Upon finding no actual thing called 'mind' I laughed because then the thought came "well, if there is no mind then thoughts must be being streamed from somewhere to some where or something... the mind??? But hey, there is no mind in AE!" Soooo no mind can be found, thoughts apparently just appear from nowhere and go to... Nowhere! Things, thoughts, knowledge of things just seem to be like a data stream ...or something...

Because it is fun, what about seeing?
Look at whatever is in front of you. It is seen from the perspective of two windows (eyes) or is it like a windscreen view?

Uggghhh... Not easy. Two windows or a windscreen...I can't answer that because in AE, and really focusing, it isn't clear how seeing is happening or through what it is happening. There's certainly not two windows i.e. as if seeing two perspectives because two windows have two different perspectives - but I'm not even sure if the one perspective of a windscreen gets it...but seeing what is seen happens as one scene not two different lenses viewing the same scene.

Now zoom back in and try to find the thing that’s seeing. Is there seeing separate from what’s seen, or is there just what’s seen?

This is really really surreal... So if a thing that's seeing can't be found in AE but things that are seen are being seen and nothing can be found to identify how what is seen is being seen then it can only be one experience being experienced by the seeing and the seen all at once. Oh this is really weird!

Is there any awareness separate from experience or is there just experience?

Ouch... Jadzia, I'm not sure I can get the sentence straight in order to answer it, let alone really, truly know what it is that needs answering 🙊. Ok... Let's work it out... Please bear with me here, my head is turning inside out!!!
When something is experienced there is an awareness that it has been experienced. This means that awareness relies on experience to exist. Experiences can happen and we might not have an awareness of them but they still happen. For example, does a bird not fly because the blind man can't see it? The blind man might be told that the bird flew by but he was not aware of it. But then again that wasn't his experience...aaarrgggh...ah... Maybe this works... Someone with no capacity to feel pain puts their hands in a fire. Eventually they see (experience) that their hands are burnt but there was no awareness of pain.
I'm not at all sure this is....whatever it is intended to be.

Experience happens but does it happen if we aren't aware of it? Help.... I'm lost....

Love
Sara

Soooo no mind can be found, thoughts apparently just appear from nowhere and go to... Nowhere! Things, thoughts, knowledge of things just seem to be like a data stream ...or something...

Yeah, right, there can't be any idea where thoughts come from or go to, all made up, all this lovely explanations.

....but seeing what is seen happens as one scene not two different lenses viewing the same scene.

Hm, could one put it like this: There goes the looking out of the eyes and I see something?
Are there eyes in DE?

So if a thing that's seeing can't be found in AE but things that are seen are being seen and nothing can be found to identify how what is seen is being seen then it can only be one experience being experienced by the seeing and the seen all at once. Oh this is really weird!

Seeing and the seen are the same.

When something is experienced there is an awareness that it has been experienced. This means that awareness relies on experience to exist. Experiences can happen and we might not have an awareness of them but they still happen.

Is the awareness outside of experience, this is the question. Can there be something outside of experience? Wouldn't something outside to experience point to separation?

Love,
Jadzia

....but seeing what is seen happens as one scene not two different lenses viewing the same scene.

Hm, could one put it like this: There goes the looking out of the eyes and I see something?
Are there eyes in DE?

All that can be said, in AE/DE, as seeing and the seen happens is that there is nothing to suggest eyes or eyes doing seeing or being responsible for seeing - there are no eyes in AE and on close inspection it's so peculiar because I have no idea in AE what is seeing. So because of this, as I zoom in, all that can be experienced is one thing - that which is seen/seeing - I can't find any separation or distinction between seeing and what is seen.

Is the awareness outside of experience, this is the question. Can there be something outside of experience? Wouldn't something outside to experience point to separation?

I have spent all day with this and it's A-MAY-ZING!
Experience happens then awareness of the experience but it is not separate it is part of experience. All day I've watched carefully....so a deer is seen and then awareness of that experience. Awareness is part and parcel of experience - I couldn't find anything to suggest it was outside of experience or making anything separate.
It became clear that nothing can be outside experience - it's all part of the one flow of things happening - experience.

Good night dear Jadzia
Love
Sara