HI Nic,
Answers below.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
There is not, never was, and never will be a self, me or I any any shape or form. It's just a concept, a belief, no more, no less.
The belief in a separate self is a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation of what is actually happening the flow of experiencing The belief in a separate self begins not long after birth through conditioning. The parents innocently condition children to believe this concept of an "I", or me, which has agency, chooses, and posseses. The me is conceptualized as a person residing in a body. This misunderstanding reflected in every aspect of our culture, and of course the language which is quite dualist. ( At least in English every object must have a subject). The false concept of "Mine" or "My" and "yours" become a pervasive part of a child and experience is constantly interpreted through a dualistic lens. While in reality actions are being simply taken, thought comes after the fact as says "I chose this", "I did this", "I made this happen". Bottom line the separate self, is a concept, a belief, and a story that gets created in moment.
Further We are taught as children not only that we are individual separate entity, but also that the content thought is the only way to know experience. There is no pointing by parents to the child to look directly at experience, to see thought simply as a continues flow of containers of content, rather children are taught to faithfully trust the content of thought as the arbiter of experience, when in reality thought can only ever draw a painting of experience.
The misinterpretation (by the content of thought) of often accompanying arising sensations as objects (instead of simply energy contracting, opening, or moving) further perpetuates this false belief in a separate, vulnerable, self. Whereas in reality these sensations are energy contracting, opening, and moving, thought relates to these sensations as "emotions" and often these "emotions" are misinterpreted by thought as threat. Suddenly these sensations "mean something about a me", instead of simply being arising sensations. Hence the false concept of the separate self is perpetuated.
What is actually happening awaring, experiencing. Actions being taken without a chooser or owner of these actions. What is being misinterpreted? Thought and sensation as anything more than that frankly. At first Awareness appeared an object, a "witnessing presence" and there was identification with "awareness", but now it is seen that awareness is not an object, it's more like "awaring" or experiencing. There is a knowing of experience but not a knower of experience. There is experiencing, but not an experiencer. The knowing of experience is inseparable from experience, and thinking, hearing, sensing, seeing, are inseparable. Experiencing is seamless, boundless.
3. Seeing this there is a sensation of openness, more of a sense of peace with all experience. To be clear, identification with thought still happens quite frequently, but there is an awareness of what is happening. This is indeed a beginning. There is much more to be seen and uncovered. So much is different from when i first started this process. There are times when there is no longer even a sense that there is an inside. Thought, sensations, seeing, hearing, arise and are experienced openly. It is quite wonderful. At this point happens more often while taking a walk in nature. There have been times when I have been brought to me knees and wept at the sheer ISness and Divinity of it all. Writing this tears well up again. Here words must stop as there is no way i can describe the experience. Often there is a sense of wondering, what action or decision is going to be taken next. It's like a discovery, or a show. I could go on an on about this.
4. There were several points along the way. Understanding how through conditioning and language thought was assuming that there was a subject to every object. (if something is seen- there must be a seer). Seeing this popped something. The overwhelming truth of direct experience, again and again.
5. Decision, free will, intention, choice- These are different words for the same false assumption- that there is an agent who has agency. Actions are taken, without a doer. Free will is a concept and no concept is true. One could say that a "choice" is made but that is not accurate. There was three options and one option was taken is more accurate. There is no one to have an intention, though there might be a thought. There is not a me to be responsible for actions. Simple examples are waking, up, getting out of the shower, scratching an itch. There is no one to decide to get out of bed, but it happens, to get out of the shower but it happens, etc. Typing these words happens, words are "choosen" without a chooser.
6. There is deep gratitude and a sense that this is truly only the beginning, I want to thank Nic for his guidance. It's interesting, since childhood i have been drawn to acts of selflessness, without knowing why. Actions taken without any self interest whatsoever. Now it's understood that selflessness was actually a glimpse into reality. There never was a self! This is the primary truth, and the illusion of the conditioned mind can only veil this truth so much and for so long. Liberation Unleashed is expression of this same selflessness. I would love to be trained as a guide.
Lastly, I write these answers as my mother (sever alzheimers) is practically on her deathbed, and my father (Lew Body dementia) is close to hospice as well. Both have been in the hospital this week and their bodies could easily cease to function in days. This decline has been quite sudden. While I am having every human experience of sadness, apprehension, and the like, there is also a quiet knowing and acceptance that is beginning to abide. There will likely be both for sometime and there is acceptance of that as well.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
