Hey Sarah,
Touch the table (or any object) with your eyes shut (or open). Pretend like it’s the first time you have ever touched a table. Go straight to the raw sensation/perception. What is your direct experience of this ‘table’? List your direct experience.
It's kind of difficult to describe in words. I would say it's a "feeling", but really the experience is just the experience. When I look really hard, a few times, I had an intense feeling where it was clear that there was no difference between "me" and the experience. Like there was nothing else but the experience. It's funny to try to put something like that experience of touching something into words, but at the same time, I feel as if writing this isn't really different from that either. Just writing/things going on.
Is it senses again? Is it thoughts again? Look very closely.
What I just described. Additionally, there is what feels like a strong undercurrent of thoughts, that makes it hard to differentiate between the raw sensation, and the perception/thoughts about it.
Which comes first the senses or the thoughts?
I noticed that there are some things that feel like they are almost a mix of a feeling and a thought. It's like a really subtle thought, but it's so quick, so habitual/fast, that it seems to be just like a feeling/sharp sensation. When I saw that, I also somehow saw that it's not different from "me" it's not "out there". It's part of "what's going on", so to speak. For now, it felt like a huge relief having seen that, and somehow having "understood" it.
Does the sensation of touching come with a shape, density, weight, size, colour, age or function?
It's just an experience. But at the same time, there are subtle descriptions of it appearing, like "hand-shaped", or "warm"/"cold". But the raw experience is just the raw experience.
Does this sensation come with a ‘not me’ label or ‘other’ label?
Somewhat. After what I wrote above, it feels obvious again and again that there somehow is just the experience.
Is it one sensation/perception or two?
What I wrote above, about the subtle feelings/emotions happening. So, it's more like a stream of experience, but what might be perceived as just "the experience", might be in truth be a thought about the experience. In that case, I'd rather say there are two things.
Look at how thoughts try and take over, try and explain, try and prove. Notice your memories or references with which you compare the experience. Sit with these sensations. Look at them. Look at the labelling e.g. table, hand. Look at the thoughts or story that attach at the end of this list if any.
Have been doing that. For sensations, these memories/references seem to almost be the feeling/sensation itself. And somehow, the really subtle label of "how it always has been/what it always is/simply the sensation of touching something/etc.".
What is your direct experience of these words?
This was a strong one! When I read that, I somehow really realized the "direct experience" of those words, as in, how reading/the moment was happening. There was nobody different from the experience/reading itself.
Do they exist outside of thought?
No, "table"/"hand" etc. are just words/coming up as labels for e.g. seeing. Or just because they come up, for some reason.
Don’t pay attention to the thoughts just look at what they do, when they come in.
This was also a good one. It made me somehow have a more "neutral" stance to thoughts, to get a clearer look at them. A lot of what they do is explaining/reasoning/just talking. Actually, thoughts aren't really bad, and I'm somehow not separate from them either.
Thank you so much again! :)
Best,
Felix
