My Story. Looking for a guide...

[NoKevin]

Hi Joseph. Thank you. My mother passed shortly after I sent the last message. However my family and younger siblings seem to be handling this quite well so I am ready to continue our process. Please let me know where we go from here. So I now see that the separate self is not something I experience other than in thought.

[Josephkoudelka]

Hello Kevin. I am so sorry to hear your Mother has passed away. I send my love and sympathy.

I lost my Mum to cancer in the late nineties. It was a difficult time.

As for where to begin or continue, I leave that up to you. I think the best thing is to take a look at where you are at right now with regard to being clear that a self is only substantiated by the content of thoughts narrative. Having lost your Mum, I am sure the experience of a self separate from others is pretty raw at this moment.

We can take look at this from any angle you like.

At this moment, describe the self(or lack of) as you experience it now. We can use that as a springboard for further exploration.

If you have a specific angle you would like to investigate, let me know.

Joseph ♥︎

[NoKevin]

Thank you Joseph. Condolences on hearing about your loss as well.

Right now I do see that the separate self is only a product of thought. What I notice is that I do identify with thought often. I often catch myself caught up in my occurring thoughts rather than in the moment itself.

Thanks again for your understanding during this difficult time.

Kevin

[Josephkoudelka]

What I notice is that I do identify with thought often. I often catch myself caught up in my occurring thoughts rather than in the moment itself.

Lets look at thoughts. Are you the chooser of thought?

[NoKevin]

No. Thoughts arise on their own.

[Josephkoudelka]

No. Thoughts arise on their own.

What about "...I notice is that I do identify with thought often...?" Is this a choice made by a self?

[NoKevin]

What about "...I notice is that I do identify with thought often...?" Is this a choice made by a self?

No it is not. It also happens spontaneously, without choice. This identifying with thought and getting caught up in thought is something that I believed seeing through the self would eradicate (sorry, I know you are not interested in thoughts or beliefs).

[Josephkoudelka]

No it is not. It also happens spontaneously, without choice. This identifying with thought and getting caught up in thought is something that I believed seeing through the self would eradicate

Yes. Thoughts, "getting caught up in thoughts", these all happen spontaneously, without any controller or chooser.

Seeing through the illusion of self is not a magic bullet that is going to stop life from happening the way it happens, including thoughts. This is an expectation, a desire for the current moment to be different from the way it is, which again, is no biggie because there is no you to choose whether or not a desire that this moment be different arises.

Experience here is that these particular patterns of thought seem to loosen and dissolve in intensity over time once it becomes really clear that the individual separate self is an illusion. But even this is beyond any control whatsoever. The whole thing is a mystery, a great big cosmic joke. The only thing I know for certain is that this is happening here now. It includes the entire seamless reality happening now.

Has there ever been a time when you actually had control over anything?

[NoKevin]

Has there ever been a time when you actually had control over anything?

No. This is an illusion. The way I see it is that thoughts arise. And the direction thoughts move in control whether or not action is taken. The illusion is that we believe that we control arising thoughts, there intensity, and thus control our actions.

[NoKevin]

The illusion is that we believe that we control arising thoughts, there intensity, and thus control our actions.

Just to clarify, I meant we believe we control our actions.

[Josephkoudelka]

When it is clearly seen that there is no self, no controller, no doer of actions or thinker of thoughts... What is left?

[NoKevin]

Alertness, awareness or consciousness.

[Josephkoudelka]

Are there any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of the separate self?

[NoKevin]

No. Thoughts still arise doubting it but those thoughts are just that, thoughts.

[Josephkoudelka]

Thoughts still arise doubting it but those thoughts are just that, thoughts.

Make a list of your doubts and we will explore them from direct experience. It would be better to see clearly that a doubt is not confirmed through our direct experience of the present moment.