The Gate

Hi Paul,

After talking about this it has become clear to me that the “I” is just an invention. Alonso, is a creation, it has never existed outside of a label or a concept.

I have understood that thoughts come and go as they please and have no control over them, we even saw how the brain actually, decides seconds earlier, before the “I” or the consciousness takes place.

The involuntary decisions when walking, eating, driving, there is no machine or controller.

I tend to think a lot, or rather thinking happens a lot, I go into deep stories, assuming, thinking what the other person is thinking, or how should “I” act and it becomes very draining. I just go on an on, now if I am not responsible for my thoughts, on how they come and go, how can life get better? It´s like there is no Off switch, and yes, at times, knowing that what I am thinking are just stories, illusions, and what I´m believing to be truth is nothing of a fiction, it still creates a compulsive monologue, sometimes I am able to stop and think, “What you are thinking is a lie” so stop making it harder on yourself, but fall back into it.

Thank you.

Alonso.

Thanks Alonso,

... it has become clear to me that the “I” is just an invention. Alonso, is a creation, it has never existed outside of a label or a concept.

Lovely, you can see that there is no separate entity called 'I' anywhere behind that label, controlling life, making decisions or choices, and running the show from some cloud in the sky.

... if I am not responsible for my thoughts, ...

Let's take a closer look at that - why the 'if', there seems to be some doubt there.

What is the 'I' you're referring to here?

... how can life get better?

In my experience seeing through the illusion of a separate self is simply waking up to what IS. There is no separate self in reality anyway, never was, so what is there that will change in life? It will still be experienced as good, bad and ugly.

... sometimes I am able to stop and think, “What you are thinking is a lie” so stop making it harder on yourself, but fall back into it.

In my experience being attached to thought is a habit, the more you can stop a thought and look at it and ask yourself 'Is this drama really true?', the more you will be able to break this habit. I get it, thoughts can be seductive, playing out all those dramas 'as if' they were real gives us the feeling that something is being achieved. But, as you know, it's almost like a virtual reality, or a dream - when you focus back on reality, on direct experience, you actual see that nothing has happened.

The more you can let these 'sticky' thoughts just drift on by the better it will be. But this goes a little beyond seeing through the illusion of self - you can see through the illusion of self and still be wrapped up in daydreams and dreams - it's only when you awake and look AT the daydream, (rather than FROM the daydream) that you see it's illusion, rather than continue 'as if' it's real. That, in my experience is the only difference.

However, maybe the issue you're experiencing isn't one around the illusion of self, but about spending too much time in thought/fantasy/daydreams. Let me suggest you an exercise that may help -

Next time you become aware that you are having a daydream follow these three steps -

1 Mentally shout STOP and stop the daydream right there.
2 Become aware of what's around you - even mentally naming all the people and things around you (e.g. It's raining outside, I am on a bus, there are six other people sitting on the bus, etc. - just build a picture of what's ACTUALLY happening)
3 Refer back to your daydream - is the situation that occurred in your daydream actually occurring now? Are the same people in the daydream around you now, doing the same things they were in the dream?
4 If the answer is NO to the questions in 3 above then you can at least identify the daydream AS a daydream,and dismiss it as such, as fantasy/illusion. If any of the things in your thoughts ARE actually happening, then you can take action on them directly - so it's a win win situation.

In my experience, the habit of drifting into daydreams is one about a centre of focus of awareness rather than the illusion of self. If the focus is in fantasy/illusion, then that will be the experience - if it's more balanced towards direct experience then fantasies/illusions will be seen for what they are as you have direct experience as a reference point.

Some other suggestions I can give for shifting out of thought/fantasy are to engage in more physically engaging tasks - when sensory sensations are low we all drift into daydreams. Another is to try a meditation called Vipassanna when you have some spare time - this is really simple, follow the steps below -

1 Sit somewhere comfortable where you know you will not be disturbed.
2 Close your eyes and focus on your breathing (this could be a focus on the sound of the breath, or even the movement of the chest - just pick one and focus on it)
3 If the focus drifts to thought or bodily sensations, allow those thoughts to drift by, and just bring it back to the breath again.
4 Try this for 15 mins at first, and then lengthen the period as you feel able.

This will help you get into the habit of detaching from thought. Also, watching the breath anyway is a useful tool to refocus on direct experience - as it's one of the few sounds/sensations that's happening in direct experience and is always present and available.

Try the above exercises Alonso, and share your experiences if you wish,

Paulo.

Hi Paulo,

I got knocked down by a fever, feeling better now. I will practice these exercises and will tell you how it went.

Thanks a lot.

Alonso.

Hi Alonso,

No problem at all, hope you're feeling better now.

Sure, try those exercises if you like, but just be aware that they are slightly outside what we do here at LU. Another avenue you may like to try is 'Living Inquiries', created by Scott Kiloby (you'll find a video at the end of the web page to show what it's all about in broad terms) -

http://www.livinginquiries.com/

You might also like to browse 'The Work', created by Byron Katie, http://www.thework.com/index.php - plenty of vids from her on YouTube, might be worth checking them out if you haven't already.

Wishing you a full recovery, Paulo.