The Gate

Hi Peter,

So, let me ask the question in a different way. Is there a feeling in the body that you identify as "me" "my self". When you think "I am" or any related thoughts, what does it feel like in the body?

In the past you've mentioned a feeling around the head or behind the eyes. That's the sensation I was trying to point towards.

Normally this sensation we think of as "me" disappears when we are asleep or distracted or truly absorbed in some task.

But intensifies, when the thought "I have to do something" appears. Is this your experience?

If it isn't, not to worry. We'll find another angle.

But if it is, then could you describe the sensation? Look at it with a sense of curiosity and try to answer these questions from what you see.

Is it anything more than a sensation?
Does it "do" anything"? Does this sensation feel or think or decide or "do" anything?
How is it different from any other sensation in the body? What makes this sensation "special"?
Is this sensation "you"? Do you make it happen? how?
Can you control it? Do you have a choice of where and when it appears?
What happens to you when it disappears? Does existence cease?

Let me know how it goes.

Love x

Good afternoon Silvia,

I am not sure if it is a sensation or feeling, but let me explain what is going on right now.

Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, experience of touching, thoughts, different feelings, feeling of aliveness are happening right now. All of that is experienced and that confirm my existence. The existence is experienced, it is undeniable.

Peter

What makes you think it is your existence?

Is existence experienced? Where is the experiencer?

What makes you think it is your existence?
Is existence experienced? Where is the experiencer?

Now I am confused because of your questions. Rational against seeing. "Rationally": existence is in everything what exist - buildings, monitor, laptop, cat, TV, thoughts, feelings. It is like a not tangible quality of everything.
"With Seeing": existence is only a label that, as a single word, points to nowhere. It is only a word with only an abstract meaning. Existence itself cannot be found (Show me the Existence?), and as word it is used with pointing to something else, "existence of ..." In reality what is experienced is simply experienced. Where is the experiencer? I would say here, in front of the monitor, but it is an automated ready-made answer. LU quotes say that there is no "I". What show direct experience? ...it seems I am not able to answer it now honestly. "I", "I" is coming up. It is again "in head".

Now I am confused because of your questions.

hehe, that happens!

Rational against seeing. "Rationally": existence is in everything what exist - buildings, monitor, laptop, cat, TV, thoughts, feelings. It is like a not tangible quality of everything.

So existence is contained inside things or something like that? How is that rational?
You say rationally, I say apparently. Rational is when you look at something and follow the logical implications of what you see.

"With Seeing": existence is only a label that, as a single word, points to nowhere. It is only a word with only an abstract meaning. Existence itself cannot be found (Show me the Existence?), and as word it is used with pointing to something else, "existence of ..." In reality what is experienced is simply experienced.

This sounds a lot more rational to me, don't you think? ;-)

Where is the experiencer? I would say here, in front of the monitor, but it is an automated ready-made answer. LU quotes say that there is no "I". What show direct experience? ...it seems I am not able to answer it now honestly. "I", "I" is coming up. It is again "in head".

So where is the confusion? You are seeing things very clearly. Now just follow things to their logical, rational conclusion.
When you look for the experiencer you don't find one. Why? Because there isn't one!

Now look again. In direct experience, can you find an experiencer here, and an experienced thing overthere? Or is there just experiencing?
Can you find the dividing line between subject and object? Where does one end and the other begin?

Where is this separate I, self? You have already answered the questions!

it is an automated ready-made answer

"I", "I" is coming up. It is again "in head".

Is the separate I/self just a thought then?

It is very possible that the feeling of confusion comes from resistance or fear to accept what you are already seeing. In that case, just remember what we talked about regarding fear. Welcome it, ask of it, what are you trying to protect? Thank it for doing its job, then leave it be.

Then just go back and do some more looking and answer the questions from what you see.

Believe it or not you are doing well Peter!
Keep going.

Love x

HI Silvia, just letting you know, that I will reply tomorrow. Peter

Here are the answers:

Now look again. In direct experience, can you find an experiencer here, and an experienced thing overthere? Or is there just experiencing?

Test: Looking at the right hand. The hand is seen and a blurred background. While looking at the hand is happening, the „I“ thought comes up. It is like an inner voice that is commenting the „seeing“ experience: „I“ here is seeing the hand over there. The experiencer seems to be more like „something“ in the head, something that is only constructed in mind.

Can you find the dividing line between subject and object? Where does one end and the other begin?

Things/objects are experienced – seeing them for example as shapes that can be touched, ...but with the subject is a problem. It is not tangible so how to find a dividing line between a not tangible and a tangible „something“?

Where is this separate I, self? Is the separate I/self just a thought then?

It gets be more and more seen that the „I“ happens only in the head as thoughts/inner voice that comments things around.

It is very possible that the feeling of confusion comes from resistance or fear to accept what you are already seeing. In that case, just remember what we talked about regarding fear. Welcome it, ask of it, what are you trying to protect? Thank it for doing its job, then leave it be.

When reading that, an idea/image of "holding stair-rail because of fear of falling down" comes up. It is about feeling of a security.

Peter

Is the I anything more than a thought?

Yes or No :)

fyi, I am still here

Hi Silvia, I do not see it clearly that "I" is only a thought. I do not know how to look in order to see it clarly or something is resisting and does not want to see it clearly.

Hi Peter,

so here is what you wrote previously

Test: Looking at the right hand. The hand is seen and a blurred background. While looking at the hand is happening, the „I“ thought comes up. It is like an inner voice that is commenting the „seeing“ experience: „I“ here is seeing the hand over there. The experiencer seems to be more like „something“ in the head, something that is only constructed in mind.

You say "I" thought, "inner voice", "something in the head", "only constructed by the mind"

Isn't all that just thought?

What are the doubts? What comes up when you read the "I" exists only as a thought?
Describe your experience. Apart from even more thoughts, does anything else come up in experience that makes you doubt? Is there an emotion or a feeling in the body that seems to point to the independent existence of the self?

Love x

Hi Silvia,

What comes up when you read the "I" exists only as a thought?

Fear that everything what I know, "my world" will dissappear; feeling insecurity because of the unknown; fear of lossing control; idea of being only a passive being that is controlled by mind, body.

It sounds like a drama, but that is what comes up.

Peter

Hi Silvia,

something has just come up. It is very fresh. Is it possible that "I" is only a simple thought? ...like an extra label for what is experienced? It seems so now. The thinking is experienced the same way, experiencing hot is experienced the same way,... No changes except that "I" - it seems to be only a thought. It reminds me to a memory of my childhood - I already had my name, an identity, I was a bit fatty, wearing glasses, but all that was not any obstacle or problem. It was OK as it was.

Peter