The Gate

I’m leaving out the thing in the middle right, the ”I” still there looking, looking…I’m still here cause I can’t see myself in all this. And all my questions to you are about what and who’s looking cause I can’t see there’s no one doing that. And I won’t see anything until it’s seen that this ”I” is truly just thoughts and thoughts cannot see anything. This was just what came to mind (just more thoughts then...)reading your posts, and some laughter for some reason, at the repeated wish to find what’s looking/sensing/thinking…

I will answer your questions tonight. Thank you!

I’m leaving out the thing in the middle right, the ”I” still there looking, looking

Is there anything to be found at the centre of awareness ?
Yes, there is awareness of all of this
But does there need to be something doing the looking ?

I’m still here cause I can’t see myself in all this. And all my questions to you are about what and who’s looking cause I can’t see there’s no one doing that. And I won’t see anything until it’s seen that this ”I” is truly just thoughts and thoughts cannot see anything. This was just what came to mind (just more thoughts then...)reading your posts, and some laughter for some reason, at the repeated wish to find what’s looking/sensing/thinking…

IF there is nothing to be found, doing the looking; how are you going to find it ?
What has always been the case ?
You are looking to see the absence of that which is assumed to be there.
Only thoughts say it is

I’m just gonna write the answers that come up to your questions. There’s no director anyway right?!

”What about the content of thought ? What about the story of Hanna ? Where is she if she isn't the body?”

The story of Hanna is saved in the brain and runs the thought content of her.

”OK, good. Sounds lke you are describing more sensations. Is there an experiencer?”

No experiencer. The attention/awareness merges with what’s experienced. It’s just experiencing, no experiencer.

”What could do something or decide ?
No one, nothing. It’s all just being played out and there’s awareness of what takes place.

”Good question. Where are you ?”

I am nowhere. ”I” is a thought. Awareness of that thought is real.

"Can you find something ?"

Nothing but the looking itself.

”Good question again, what experiences these thoughts, confusion,etc ?”

It’s just experiencing, nothings is there as that takes place and after there’s just thoughts with ”I” that seem to be this one experiencing. But there’s no one.

”Is there anything to be found at the centre of awareness ?
Yes, there is awareness of all of this
But does there need to be something doing the looking ?”

I don’t know if there needs to be something doing the looking just like I don’t know if there needs to be someone doing the winding/planet turning/ breathing.

”IF there is nothing to be found, doing the looking; how are you going to find it ?
What has always been the case ?
You are looking to see the absence of that which is assumed to be there.
Only thoughts say it is”

There has never been anything to find just the looking can’t stop until it’s evident there’s nothing to find. This looking consists of thoughts. If thoughts are seen to be just appearing, not the voice of a seeker able to find something or find an absence of something. Why try to find nothing, just stop looking right? But nothing can be controlled.
It will all play out as it will and present is always the awareness of all.



I think there’s a beginning of letting go of the belief there’s someone in charge here. But you see where it’s at and I’m left confused over why the awareness of a thought just being a thought can disappear? There’s just experiencing of things via/in this body. The brain in this body needs to permanently realize it’s own mechanism of putting names on everything that’s being experienced.

You hear my confusion and maybe tiredness as well, there’s just such strong desire to be through with this…things might seem resolved at times but as quick as I’m to answer your questions it always feels like the illusion is as strong as ever.

Hopefully things are clearer in the morning ☺

OK Hanna. That's good. You seem to be getting something of this....
Lets try and clear up any sticking points that might be confusing things.....

”What about the content of thought ? What about the story of Hanna ? Where is she if she isn't the body?”

The story of Hanna is saved in the brain and runs the thought content of her.

This is what is believed conventionally, but can you find the brain in direct experience or do thoughts just seem to appear ?

This looking consists of thoughts

To see this computer screen and notice that there is nothing to be found that is looking; does it require a thought is there just what is seen ?

I think there’s a beginning of letting go of the belief there’s someone in charge here. But you see where it’s at and I’m left confused over why the awareness of a thought just being a thought can disappear? There’s just experiencing of things via/in this body. The brain in this body needs to permanently realize it’s own mechanism of putting names on everything that’s being experienced.

Yes, like you say, "There’s just experiencing of things via/in this body". And in that experience there is no self or "i" which can be found, yes ?
But old, habitual ways of thinking will still happen, with the illusion of a self, seeming to do it. Nobody is in control of thoughts to stop this happening.
But whenever real looking happens (as opposed to thinking about how it works), there is only sense experience found, yes ? (+thoughts)
So noticing the truth only happens when it happens. But once it has happened we have confidence in what we will find when looking happens again, yes ?
Or have i misunderstood you ?

”This is what is believed conventionally, but can you find the brain in direct experience or do thoughts just seem to appear ?”

No sure, can’t find the brain in direct experience and how thinking works, where thoughts come from, I’ve no idea. It seems more evident when answers come from beliefs and not now. As long as I’m as honest as I can about what knowledge is ”felt” and not, this process should be easier right?

”To see this computer screen and notice that there is nothing to be found that is looking; does it require a thought is there just what is seen ?”

I’m not sure about this…I want to say I know that thoughts aren’t required but I think my ”noticing” involves thoughts saying ”yes there’s just seeing” and even if they appear after the noticing I think I take the thoughts about it to be the noticing.

”But whenever real looking happens (as opposed to thinking about how it works), there is only sense experience found, yes ? (+thoughts)
So noticing the truth only happens when it happens. But once it has happened we have confidence in what we will find when looking happens again, yes ?
Or have i misunderstood you ?”

Whenever real looking happens there’s clarity in thoughts just appearing and being experienced/thought just as seeing something just happens. There’s been thoughts about the difference between these two though: seeing and thinking. Both experienced but it just seems easier being aware that seeing’s occuring as it is, than being aware of thinking as it occurs. But this is again where I’m missing that awareness is always there and I might still want there to be a someone aware…

Shouldn't have to be this hard answering your questions right? It's as if it all clogs together as soon as I sit down by the computer. But there's no one in charge of answering so...oh, I don't know.

I want to express how much I do appreciate you taking time to help me with this Richard! I’m very grateful you haven’t gotten sick of me yet!

No sure, can’t find the brain in direct experience and how thinking works, where thoughts come from, I’ve no idea. It seems more evident when answers come from beliefs and not now. As long as I’m as honest as I can about what knowledge is ”felt” and not, this process should be easier right?

:-) I can't find the brain or how thinking works in direct experience either Hanna. So we are both in the same boat. Beliefs = assumptions which need testing in direct experience to see if they are true. You are exactly right about feeling for what is true in experience. This is the only way to see this.You could say being open to question our beliefs is honesty. It should start to feel easier as things click into place for you. But remember, if you try to take what you are seeing/feeling in experience, and try to understand it with thoughts/thinking then you will become separated from it again. We all make this mistake from time to time.

I’m not sure about this…I want to say I know that thoughts aren’t required but I think my ”noticing” involves thoughts saying ”yes there’s just seeing” and even if they appear after the noticing I think I take the thoughts about it to be the noticing.

Sounds like you are noticing exactly what is happening ! Seeing happens and then a labeling thought pops up: ”yes there’s just seeing” and this thought has been noticed too. So the seeing happens first before a labeling thought pops up. Check this again looking at the screen. You might find as long as you stay focused on the looking, then no thoughts will pop up. If a thought does pop up and you notice it, you might find it just disappears again - kind of melts away, just leaving sensation - try it. If you sit and wait to notice for a thought to pop up then it is likely one won't as long as you remain focused on waiting to notice a thought. Try this too and see what happens.

Whenever real looking happens there’s clarity in thoughts just appearing and being experienced/thought just as seeing something just happens. There’s been thoughts about the difference between these two though: seeing and thinking. Both experienced but it just seems easier being aware that seeing’s occuring as it is, than being aware of thinking as it occurs. But this is again where I’m missing that awareness is always there and I might still want there to be a someone aware…

You seem to be noticing a lot about the way things are in direct experience. I recognize you description from my own experience. When thinking happens then usually i am caught up in it so not noticing my experience so much. You are always aware of something aren't you, even when "lost" in thought ?
What can you find in direct experience that might still want to be some one aware ?
Does the awareness of things need a someone ?

Shouldn't have to be this hard answering your questions right? It's as if it all clogs together as soon as I sit down by the computer. But there's no one in charge of answering so...oh, I don't know.

Maybe the impulse to think gets strong when you sit down by the computer. You seem to have noticed that when you just write and don't worry about what comes out, things are different. Trying to remember what has happened when you sit down may not work so well as then you are relying on memory - thoughts, and then things can get more confusing. So, if you can, do some investigating as you type, then direct experience is more likely to get typed rather than thoughts about it.

It is a pleasure to work with someone who is so motivated :-)

You seem to be noticing a lot about the way things are in direct experience. I recognize you description from my own experience. When thinking happens then usually i am caught up in it so not noticing my experience so much. You are always aware of something aren't you, even when "lost" in thought ?

I can’t say for sure but I think I am aware that I’m thinking. That what’s being thought in words is not for instance spoken out loud. But what ”gets lost” is knowing that thoughts aren’t being controlled by the ”I” appearing in them…

What can you find in direct experience that might still want to be some one aware ?
Does the awareness of things need a someone ?

No there’s just awareness but I guess there’s a will to understand that with thoughts as you mentioned. And that’s where and when the some one wanting to be aware gets in the picture.

Trying to remember what has happened when you sit down may not work so well as then you are relying on memory - thoughts, and then things can get more confusing. So, if you can, do some investigating as you type, then direct experience is more likely to get typed rather than thoughts about it.

Yes I’m very much relying on memory, reading your posts then meditating, maybe taking a walk, doing something completely else THEN sitting down to answer hoping to have clarity. There is always a lot of editing and anxiety about writing the wrong thing. A fear of showing the I that seems so strong while writing these posts in particular. But how is it not going to be strong if we use words to communicate, as I’ve done for so many years thinking there’s an ”I” choosing and using the words? The ”I” pronouncing everything in the head before writing. But it’s just thoughts being written down and seeing the screen while the words appear on the screen. this was and is an attempt to investigate as I’m typing. There’s truly a strong sens while typing that there’s an I choosing the words to write. It’s either simultaniously written as it is pronounced in thought or thought and then typing. There’s truly a strong sens of there being an I doing this now…but what else than thought is saying there is?

Good night!

I can’t say for sure but I think I am aware that I’m thinking. That what’s being thought in words is not for instance spoken out loud. But what ”gets lost” is knowing that thoughts aren’t being controlled by the ”I” appearing in them…

Yes, this still happens for me too. "Selfing". But when looking does happen, i can find no self in experience. How about you ?

No there’s just awareness but I guess there’s a will to understand that with thoughts as you mentioned. And that’s where and when the some one wanting to be aware gets in the picture.

How is this "will" noticed in experience ?
What can you find in experience that is getting labeled as someone wanting to be aware ?

Yes I’m very much relying on memory, reading your posts then meditating, maybe taking a walk, doing something completely else THEN sitting down to answer hoping to have clarity. There is always a lot of editing and anxiety about writing the wrong thing. A fear of showing the I that seems so strong while writing these posts in particular. But how is it not going to be strong if we use words to communicate, as I’ve done for so many years thinking there’s an ”I” choosing and using the words? The ”I” pronouncing everything in the head before writing. But it’s just thoughts being written down and seeing the screen while the words appear on the screen. this was and is an attempt to investigate as I’m typing. There’s truly a strong sens while typing that there’s an I choosing the words to write. It’s either simultaniously written as it is pronounced in thought or thought and then typing. There’s truly a strong sens of there being an I doing this now…but what else than thought is saying there is?

Your last sentence says it all :-). You know it is just thought saying there is a self. You just have to keep checking to see if you can really find one in experience. The illusion will keep popping up, there is no one in control to stop this happening - try it and see.
When it happens, just pause and notice - can i find something that is feeling anxious ?
Can i find something that fears showing the "I" ?
Can i find something choosing and using words ?
Is there something in my head choosing and pronouncing ?
Can i find something that is thinking ?
What is this strong sense of I, where is it, is some thought or sensation getting labeled ?
Or is it all just selfing happening, with no one doing it, life happening ?

But when looking does happen, i can find no self in experience. How about you ?

No there’s no self in the sens that there’s a controlling unit, that thoughts can ”rule” as this unit, but there’s a strong presence and awakeness…

How is this "will" noticed in experience ?
What can you find in experience that is getting labeled as someone wanting to be aware ?

Well there’s all these thoughts saying I’m not through, I haven’t gotten it and thoughts about other thoughts saying that they shouldn’t appear if the truth is fully understood. But they are only thoughts and which ones appear and not may not have anything to do with this.

But you sound like you’re thinking we’re about to be through with this and that this ”selfing” and ”looking” will continue to co-excist. There’s a lingering expectation of there to be a more permanent clarity/a shift but that expectation would only be thought-based right? There’s fear of you leaving me thinking I’m through when I’m not, also just emotions + thoughts right? There’s the sens I shouldn’t have to hear from you whether this is seen or not. But it’s all just thoughts right? They will appear saying whatever but I am not them. They are experienced and cause different emotions and associations.

” Or is it all just selfing happening, with no one doing it, life happening ?”
Yes but is this clearly seen? Even the focusing/looking, the in and out of illusion, everything, just happening…what about choice…me being life just happening, this is not ”felt” knowledge for me. I still believe there’s an I in control of things…but was that just a thought…there’s confusion again…

This feels important:

This communication we’re having can onle be had at a certain ”level”. This could be a way for you to determin if some part of me (brain?) has gotten it or not. This is a process going on between us in a realm that a part of me is not involved in other than watching with love. Sounds really spacy saying it but something felt very clear while meditating. I let go and the being in charge thing was clearly seen to be a concept in thought. I am not in charge of how this illusion will be outplayed, cause I can only be on the ”level” of thoughts in this body or wherever. The seeing of this feels very honest. Seeing of coming and going into the illusion. This ”I”, all this is in the foreground of a large depth untouched by it all and ”I” is a part of that but not what I am.

But you sound like you’re thinking we’re about to be through with this and that this ”selfing” and ”looking” will continue to co-excist. There’s a lingering expectation of there to be a more permanent clarity/a shift but that expectation would only be thought-based right? There’s fear of you leaving me thinking I’m through when I’m not, also just emotions + thoughts right? There’s the sens I shouldn’t have to hear from you whether this is seen or not. But it’s all just thoughts right? They will appear saying whatever but I am not them. They are experienced and cause different emotions and associations.

You are right Hanna. This is not about believing what i say. It is about seeing/feeling it for yourself. I am happy to continue working with you looking for a deeper seeing and an easing/releasing of doubt. My efforts are towards helping you see rather than winding this up. You are also correct to notice all this is just thoughts and feelings coming up. Can you look and just feel the feelings/emotions coming up without the story/thoughts ? Would it feel OK to do so ? Can you just be with the awareness/presence and feelings ?

Yes but is this clearly seen? Even the focusing/looking, the in and out of illusion, everything, just happening…what about choice…me being life just happening, this is not ”felt” knowledge for me. I still believe there’s an I in control of things…but was that just a thought…there’s confusion again…

Yes you are right it is just a thought. But your intuition that there is more of a "felt" knowing of this is probably correct too. When thoughts come up look into the feeling behind the thought/story and see if there is any self in that or experiencing that.

This communication we’re having can onle be had at a certain ”level”. This could be a way for you to determin if some part of me (brain?) has gotten it or not. This is a process going on between us in a realm that a part of me is not involved in other than watching with love. Sounds really spacy saying it but something felt very clear while meditating. I let go and the being in charge thing was clearly seen to be a concept in thought. I am not in charge of how this illusion will be outplayed, cause I can only be on the ”level” of thoughts in this body or wherever. The seeing of this feels very honest. Seeing of coming and going into the illusion. This ”I”, all this is in the foreground of a large depth untouched by it all and ”I” is a part of that but not what I am.

Hanna. This sounds like a more "felt" and experiential knowing to me. In fact your writing communicates something of it. I can "tune in" experientially to something of what your words are pointing to. In a way there is nothing to get or change. We just have to notice what is already the case and always available.
So would it be correct to say on this level, you are love, and this love is you ?
Does this "fit" the experience ?
And in this "felt" level of being we notice and experience how things are in a way that cannot be understood by thoughts. Thoughts cannot capture this after the event
After the even we are left with faith that this open hearted way of experiencing/being is possible and real.
I like your description of it feeling very honest.
Where are you in relation to this large depth untouched by it all ?
Are you separate from it ?
Can you give up the need to understand and surrender to it ?

I just came across this and thought a lot of it is relevant what we are looking at:

Joan Tollifson
We can really get ourselves tied up in knots trying to figure all this stuff out mentally—how this teaching compares to that teaching and which one is right and how the universe works and what it all means. And we can get swept away in stories about not being good enough, needing to improve. Whenever we notice that kind of mental activity happening, maybe it is possible to stop THINKING about all of this and instead simply allow ourselves to be fully aware of the present moment—the sounds of wind rustling leaves, whooshing traffic sounds, a horn honking, the cry of a bird, the scent of flowers, the smell of exhaust, the changing shapes and colors all around us, the sensations of breathing, all the different subtle tinglings and vibrations throughout the body. Can we simply be fully awake to the wonder and beauty of this present happening, just as it is, before it gets labeled, judged, analyzed and explained? Nothing that shows up needs to be resisted or regarded as a distraction: the sound of loud machinery, a barking dog that doesn’t stop yapping, too much heat, too much cold, an upset stomach, lots of busy thoughts, a fingerbiting compulsion that won’t let up….whatever it is, is it possible in this moment to simply let it all be exactly as it is?

And as thoughts arise (“This can’t be it, this is just traffic noise, there has to be more than this, what about ultimate reality and final enlightenment, I’ll never get it, I’m a hopeless case, this isn’t working, so-and-so said it was all about bla bla bla”), is it possible to SEE that these thoughts are merely thoughts—old, conditioned stories-beliefs-ideas that are not actually true? Can we listen to them in the same way we listen to the traffic sounds, as simply little bursts of energy that come and go? Is it possible to rest in the utter simplicity of what is, just as it is? Nothing needs to be attained, nothing needs to be pushed away, nothing needs to be different. Simply the texture of this moment, exactly the way it is, however it is…pleasant or unpleasant.

Even if we feel tense, agitated, restless or anxious, even if we are full of thoughts that seem as persistent as deer flies or mosquitoes, even if we are hyperventilating with anxiety or compulsively biting our fingers, what would it mean, right now, to allow ALL of that to simply be as it is? Instead of labeling and judging it, instead of condemning how it is, instead of resisting it and fighting against it and trying to stop it, instead of the endlessly looping stories about why it is the way it is and what it means and how it needs to go away and what we should do to get rid of it, is it possible to simply let it be, to experience it as bare sensation without a story?

Is it possible for a moment to drop all the ideas that this present happening is undesirable, unbearable, neurotic, screwed up, unenlightened, not okay, and to see this tension or this compulsive behavior or this depressed feeling or this queasy sensation or this restless energy with the same loving attention that we might give to a beautiful flower, a magnificent landscape, or the face of our beloved? Is it possible right now to not want anything to be different, to have no expectations, no agenda, no goal, no intention, no story, no past, no future?

Can we see that even tension, contraction, fingerbiting, and obsessive thinking about past and future are nothing more than a momentary wave-like movement of this one, undivided happening? Can we see that it is actually impossible to leave Here / Now or to avoid this present happening or to BE anything else, even if THIS momentarily takes the form of contraction, uncertainty, confusion or seeking? Can we see that EVERYTHING that appears is nothing but energy vibrating or waving in different ways, like the waves in the ocean, all of it a seamless and impersonal (ownerless, authorless) movement from which nothing stands apart? This hearing-seeing-breathing-sensing-thinking-awaring-being is without borders or seams. It is ungraspable and inconceivable, and yet utterly unavoidable and totally obvious.

It’s not a matter of thinking about this, and then grasping it with the intellect and holding onto it as a belief or a mental understanding. Nor is it about having some special, exotic experience other than the experience that is arising right now. It’s about relaxing into the utter simplicity of what is, however it is right now, allowing even the tension and the contraction and the regret and the resistance and the seeking to be just as it is.

And it’s about waking up to the wonder that is all around us: the sound of rain, a flock of birds in the sky, the shapes and colors of a crushed-up cigarette package in the gutter, clouds reflected in a puddle on the sidewalk (clouds blowing across the sidewalk), the scent of lilac, a rusted pipe, a hummingbird darting over the blossoms on a tree, the sounds of the washing machine, the smell of rain, the ache of grief, the delight of laughter…

THIS is God (the sacred, the Holy Reality, the Ultimate Truth, nirvana, the gateless gate, liberation, enlightenment). The Holy Reality is not someplace else. And just notice when thought pops up and insists that this can’t be it, that this isn’t enough, that there has to be more, that something is missing…SEE how the mind begins comparing and judging and evaluating and spinning a story about yesterday, tomorrow, and forever after…a story that always has “me” at the center of it. And recognize that even that story that plays momentarily in the theater of the imagination is itself nothing but the One Reality dancing the dance of Maya, ALL of it as fleeting and ephemeral as a momentary flash of lightning.

If we’re LOOKING for the Holy Reality or the Truth or unicity or God or enlightenment or liberation, we’re looking in the wrong direction. If we’re looking for SOMETHING (this but not that), whatever we find will be another object, another passing experience, another flash of lightning. Just as the eye cannot see itself, it is impossible to perceive or conceive the nondual Totality, for nothing stands outside of it, and yet, wherever we look, whatever we touch, whatever is heard, there is nothing that is not THIS, for this is all there is, and ALL of it is fully present Here / Now.

“How can ALL of it be present Here / Now?”—the mind may ask. “What about the other side of the world and all those millions of other people who are not appearing right here in my field of vision at this moment?” But if we look more deeply, we find that whatever appears can only appear Here / Now, and that every apparent form is made up of and contains everything it is not. Without EVERYTHING in the whole universe being as it is, without the sunlight and the soil and the vegetables and the rocks and the explosions in a distant galaxy, this sentence could not appear right now. ALL of that is here in this sentence. Each new moment in each unique movie of waking life is like one of those jewels in Indra’s Net, each a reflection of all the others. Everything is full of everything else, all of it one interdependent whole happening, and wherever we look, it is always THIS, the infinite and all-inclusive boundlessness.

But again, don’t get hung up in THINKING about this. Words like “THIS” and images like Indra’s Net are only descriptions or sign posts. If a pointer doesn’t immediately wake you up to Here / Now, let it go. Discard every belief and everything that can be doubted and see what remains. And if you’re LOOKING for what remains, once again, you’re overlooking what is right here, what cannot be found because it cannot be lost—the simplicity of what is, before thought arises and says, “I don’t get it,” or before it wonders, “Is this it?” “Have I got it yet?” The bare actuality of Here / Now is impossible to doubt.

Here / Now is completely indescribable and inconceivable—and yet, here it is, obvious and unavoidable: the undeniable appearance of these words, the sounds of the washing machine, the sensations of heat, the light coming in the window, the space in which it all happens, the awaring presence beholding it all, the breathing, the seamlessness, the ungraspable fluidity and emptiness—ALL of it one whole arising/dissolving.

And if all of these words seem confusing or incomprehensible, is it possible not to fall into trying to figure it out with thinking, or trying to have some special experience, or trying to “get it,” or trying to see Ultimate Reality as an object? Is it possible instead to simply relax into hearing the traffic sounds and feeling the breeze on the skin and seeing the way the light dances on the leaves? Just this. THIS is the miracle, the Holy Reality, the truth. You already ARE what is being sought. It is totally inescapable. It is all there is. And remember, EVERYTHING is included. So even if you can’t stop seeking, even if what shows up is depression, fingerbiting, physical pain, anxiety, or compulsive thinking, THIS too is the Holy Reality. There is no escape. We are never really lost, for there is no one to be lost or found. There is only life, as it is—beyond comprehension, beyond belief, and yet unavoidably present Here / Now.

I am happy to continue working with you looking for a deeper seeing and an easing/releasing of doubt. My efforts are towards helping you see rather than winding this up. You are also correct to notice all this is just thoughts and feelings coming up. Can you look and just feel the feelings/emotions coming up without the story/thoughts ? Would it feel OK to do so ? Can you just be with the awareness/presence and feelings ?

The easing/releasing seems to be occuring somewhat but I’d love to keep checking in with you when things ”clog up”. There has been feeling without ”storifying” and even if thoughts about the feelings appear, they are seen to be just that. This is relieving.

So would it be correct to say on this level, you are love, and this love is you ?
Does this "fit" the experience ?

It does ”fit” yes, but talking about it seems dishonest anyway…I don’t know if it is because it’s not quite ”felt” yet or if it’s just that writing/thinking about it is difficult. Yes, like you say here:

And in this "felt" level of being we notice and experience how things are in a way that cannot be understood by thoughts. Thoughts cannot capture this after the event
After the even we are left with faith that this open hearted way of experiencing/being is possible and real.

Where are you in relation to this large depth untouched by it all ?
Are you separate from it ?
Can you give up the need to understand and surrender to it ?

Yes I believe there’s been a surrendering. The thought-based ”I”, thinking, occurs on the surface of this depth as a part of it yes, but not always aware of it. When the I is seen from this place/larger awareness there occurs a detachment to what’s going on for Hanna even if nothing’s changed. This was a bit hard writing about and I guess that’s part of not understanding this in the conventional way and also that this knowing can deapen. But there’s not the same stress or need to understand this no.

It’s about relaxing into the utter simplicity of what is, however it is right now, allowing even the tension and the contraction and the regret and the resistance and the seeking to be just as it is.

Yes!

If we’re looking for SOMETHING (this but not that), whatever we find will be another object, another passing experience, another flash of lightning. Just as the eye cannot see itself, it is impossible to perceive or conceive the nondual Totality, for nothing stands outside of it, and yet, wherever we look, whatever we touch, whatever is heard, there is nothing that is not THIS, for this is all there is, and ALL of it is fully present Here / Now.

Yes! I really enjoyed reading the text and found it easing and very relevant. I can’t thank you enough Richard, you’ve been so patient and loving. If you find it suitable I’ll post when things ”clog up” as I mentioned? Does this sound right to you? Thank you again!

If you find it suitable I’ll post when things ”clog up” as I mentioned? Does this sound right to you?

Hi Hanna. I would suggest we keep the momentum going here until you feel ready for the final questions. This will help flush out any further "sticking points". After that we can keep in contact elsewhere on the forum. You would then also have the option of joining aftercare groups to share experiences and look into anything else that comes up if you wanted to.

There has been feeling without ”storifying” and even if thoughts about the feelings appear, they are seen to be just that. This is relieving.

Excellent, yes, we tend to mistake the story for the main event. In doing this we miss the fullness of life.

It does ”fit” yes, but talking about it seems dishonest anyway…I don’t know if it is because it’s not quite ”felt” yet or if it’s just that writing/thinking about it is difficult.

This is a good attitude to have - the words can never do justice.....

Where are you in relation to this large depth untouched by it all ?
Are you separate from it ?
Can you give up the need to understand and surrender to it ?


Yes I believe there’s been a surrendering. The thought-based ”I”, thinking, occurs on the surface of this depth as a part of it yes, but not always aware of it. When the I is seen from this place/larger awareness there occurs a detachment to what’s going on for Hanna even if nothing’s changed. This was a bit hard writing about and I guess that’s part of not understanding this in the conventional way and also that this knowing can deapen. But there’s not the same stress or need to understand this no.

Here i see you writing about what is being experienced without getting caught up in thoughts about it. It is possible - just look at what Joan Tollifson wrote (by the way she posts on Facebook if you want more)

It’s about relaxing into the utter simplicity of what is, however it is right now, allowing even the tension and the contraction and the regret and the resistance and the seeking to be just as it is.


Yes!

:-)

OK, i've gone through your post without coming up with any more questions.
Does it feel clear our view of self is illusory and unfindable in experience ?
Are you ready to look into/investigate the final questions ?
Are there any further doubts you would like to look into ?