Needing Guidance

[Behzad]

Nice to hear Sundew : )

How is it going with this I thing, do you find any I in youre experience while everything is full and nice?
Does the fullness belong to anyone?

Love
Behzad

[SunDew]

How is it going with this I thing, do you find any I in youre experience while everything is full and nice?
Does the fullness belong to anyone?

Hi,
Fullness is not given by niceness- fullness is there when there is no “I” and that is what makes it so ordinary …..The” I” makes it into something very special “this is mine”- but it is not so– If we want to get complicated: the moment fullness “belongs” to any body it is not fullness any longer.

This morning there were some difficulties: old and usual. But yesterday’s understanding allowed a different and deeper understanding of pain…which was followed by the desire to escape and avoid it.

And so exploring the different stages that emerged, I discovered how Desire as such- (if there is no object attached, no fulfilling dream to annihilate it- no “I” wanting the object-) is just a very potent upsurge of energy that needs to be experienced , in and of itself, instead of being (by-passed – or sucked out by the vampire attacks of the “I” stuff)- and then it just changes form…or dissolves in to nothingness.
And therefore the rest of the day is unraveling nicely. Yes everything needs to be experienced fully- everything changes constantly
Earlier today there was just bliss – very fulfilling and it did not seem “just ordinary like yesterday- on the contrary quite ecstatic” – then it passed and spaciousness appeared…very vast and quiet… again fulfilling and this time “more ordinary”. Today things seem more settled.
Love Sundew

[Behzad]

Dear Sundew,

Is there a you that all this experiences are happening to? Look and see.

You are descirbing what comes and goes, I am intrested to know and get you to look and see if there is a you that all these experiences happens to? Take away youre attention form all the experiences and put it into seeing if you are at the center of these experiences?

What do you fin/see when you look at the place you feel/think/belive you are?

Stay with these questions and answer them one by one.

Love
Behzad

[SunDew]

I am too tired.... sorry!!! Will be back tomorrow
Sundew

[SunDew]

[quote]What do you fin/see when you look at the place you feel/think/belive you are?
Stay with these questions and answer them one by one.[quote]


Dear Behzad,
All these “places” pop up in awareness and are seen/perceived – there is no seer as such, just and only seeing and merging with the “object” …it is really very beautiful.
Thoughts are seen - just as beliefs and feelings. Seeing doesn’t distinguish the object it sees: good-bad- absent/nothingness. This had already been seen in regards to “material seeing”, but all this process may be easy on one side yet it is also quite tricky on the other side

With love Sundew

[Behzad]

Is awareness that wich sees/knows everything? Is awareness that in wich everything appears in front of?

Or

Can awareness be seen/known? Is there something knowing awareness, is it appearing in front of you?

Dont answer from what other teachers have said or what you have read. Just look for youre self wich one is true. Put aside everthing you know about this and have a look and tell med what youre experience is about this, what you see?

Love
Behzad

[SunDew]

[quote="Behzad"]Is awareness that wich sees/knows everything? Is awareness that in wich everything appears in front of? or
Can awareness be seen/known? Is there something knowing awareness, is it appearing in front of you?

There is seeing/knowing/awareness constantly present – all else is transient: comes and goes. Everything appears in awareness: whether known, or unknown - both in the material world, in thought and emotion. Everything appears as a slide/snapshot and can be met in direct experience which by-passes thought and its contents.
There is no separation in the seeing process: seeing and seen are one – for me the moment of “union” is very beautiful and emotional but doesn’t always happen – sometimes there is resistance, and in this case the resistance can be recognized and met (union with resistance) …OR…. not recognized because of a temporary (forgetfulness???)- and this creates discomfort, unease, pain…. Negativity of some sort
Awareness is not an object or a feeling – it is neutral and impersonal and for some reason can be forgotten and only awareness can become aware of itself.
Love Sundew

[Behzad]

There is seeing/knowing/awareness constantly present – all else is transient: comes and goes. Everything appears in awareness: whether known, or unknown - both in the material world, in thought and emotion. Everything appears as a slide/snapshot and can be met in direct experience which by-passes thought and its contents.

Is there anyone that needs to be awareness? Stay as awareness?
Do you have to practise, make effort to stay aware of awareness?

Awareness is not an object or a feeling – it is neutral and impersonal and for some reason can be forgotten and only awareness can become aware of itself.

Do you expect that you have to stay aware of awareness all the time and not be lost in things that appear in awareness?
Do you have to remember to be awareness?

[SunDew]

Is there anyone that needs to be awareness? Stay as awareness?
Do you have to practise, make effort to stay aware of awareness?

Do you expect that you have to stay aware of awareness all the time and not be lost in things that appear in awareness?.............Do you have to remember to be awareness?

I’m starting to see things in a different light and in this sense the usual exemplification of Santa also makes a different sense… this eternal Peter Pan syndrome that is expecting an on-going Xmas party filled with presents and ice-cream that is rather nice but also unrealistic.

Awareness is an ever present background in which things appear and disappear –and are somehow merged with. Good/bad pleasant /unpleasant. It cannot be forgotten (who is going to forget?), nor does it need to be remembered, it just is and moreover is the only is-ness, as all else comes and goes.

Within awareness there is focusing and of course not focusing ( this is brand new!)..focusing on what ??? Awareness does not change but the object does and if it is not truth, but identification and all that follows (beliefs, expectations, and all the dreadful stories related)… then all sorts of emotions come up (again identified with)- or a general sense of lostness.

This had been quite clear with”seeing” – but for some reason didn’t apply to awareness.
Maybe because “awareness” is a term that is much more loaded with expectations and so I couldn’t see it as being the same thing. This terminology, in fact all terminology can be VERY misleading.

What is happening now is that a “nasty picture” pops up and alongside it a clear sky, this happens in awareness and it seems like focusing can be on one- or the other- or both.

Love Sundew

[Behzad]

Hi Sundew,

Sorry for not being able to answer for 2 days. Have been away. Hope everything is fine with you.

Awareness can be aware of thoughts, feelings, storys etc. Lots of things come and go but awareness is as you say. Awareness is that wich is here while everything else comes and goes. And you see this, thats good.

I just need to here from you when you say awareness is that synonymous with presence, consciousness for you? The word awareness gets used differently by different people. I just want to know that we are on the same page on this so I know that we are talking about the same thing : )

[SunDew]

I just need to here from you when you say awareness is that synonymous with presence, consciousness for you? The word awareness gets used differently by different people. I just want to know that we are on the same page on this so I know that we are talking about the same thing : )

Hi,
Yes for me Awareness = Not just presence/ But being Present to.
This implies so much that I’ve just started noticing. For instance denial vs allowing ( here fear plays a major role in that “non goodness” should be denied so that “only goodness” might be !!!) and in this key of perception the neutrality of presence is not only lost but completely banned.

So seeing in reality is not allowed, it has to be selective - Is-ness cannot be - because otherwise in some distorted way it would seem to encourage the negative- just by simply acknowledging it. As if we were always condemned to this Christian dichotomy of eternal bliss vs eternal suffering. Fear condemns man to eternal childhood in some way and also the need to be on his best behavior – no wonder we have such a hard time with truth and simple is-ness!!!!

Love Sundew

[Behzad]

Yes for me Awareness = Not just presence/ But being Present to.

Beautiful, lets explore awareness a little bit.

So listen to the sound of the birds, traffic or whatever sound there might be. There is a sound in youre direct experience, something that is being heard and there is awareness of the sound, right. There is awareness and the sound. So awareness is in the realm of duality. If there is no sound then awareness might be aware of something else but it all comes down to that awareness is always aware of something or it could also be aware of nothing.

Now both awareness and that wich awareness is being aware of is appearing in what you are. If you belive that you are awareness then you need to stay aware all the time to everything that is happening. You need to keep youre position to be seperated from life, to be aware of whats happening in life. You need to remember that you are awareness and try to not forget that you are awareness. You need to make a effort to be awareness all the time. And that is a impossible job to stay as awareness all the time. You see this is still duality. Awareness becomes the seer, that wich sees and knows objects.

Now, just simply stay aware. Localize awareness and see if there is a knowing that there is awareness, as if awareness were being seen/known. Can you see this in youre experience?
That something is knowing/seeing awareness?
As if there is something behind awareness altough there is nothing there?
That even awareness is a apperance to that wich is before awareness?

To give you a metaphor its like awareness is the light/pictures on a tv screen but there is also a screen wich enables the light/pictures to happen? Can you look and see that you are not awareness but there is awareness but you are that no-thing wich allows awareness to be?

[SunDew]

Dearest,
I don’t know what happened reading your post, an enormous emotion…blanking out and having to go to bed feeling to weak for anything… sort of like knowing and not knowing blending together. Give me some time
Love Sundew

[SunDew]

Now, just simply stay aware. Localize awareness and see if there is a knowing that there is awareness, as if awareness were being seen/known. Can you see this in youre experience?
That something is knowing/seeing awareness?
As if there is something behind awareness altough there is nothing there?
That even awareness is a apperance to that wich is before awareness?

Can you look and see that you are not awareness but there is awareness but you are that no-thing wich allows awareness to be?

I just re-read your post, and again as many times before, notice that I garble up your message.

Your question is really very simple: yes in localizing awareness there is a knowing and also nothing there.
Last night in bed I woke up with “ a something…??.” And on enquiring found myself in nothingness…after which my body started to get out of bed and it all seemed very weird because there was no connection between body and mind - no control- no intention- no I – just watching and wanting to laugh at the “non sensical” absurdity of it all.
Of course I experimented a little with some movements, and for a while the disconnection/ nothingness was there. I suppose this is what you are talking about?? is it??
There is a lingering feeling of this “nothingness” – but more a memory than an actual “place” I can visit….

Love Sundew

[Behzad]

Your question is really very simple: yes in localizing awareness there is a knowing and also nothing there.

Yes, beautiful. So mind labels that wich is known/seen as awareness and that wich knows/sees awareness as nothing/no-thing. Now, if you remove the label awareness and the label nothing/no-thing, is there any seperation then between awareness and nothing/no-thing? Are they different without the labels?

Or

are they the same nothing/no-thing just the labels that creates the seperation?

The word awareness is jusrt a label, so is the word nothing/no-thing. If you look at the actual thing you call awareness and the actual thing you call nothing/no-thing can you find any seperation then between these 2 "things" if you dont use any label?

Have a look in youre direct experience at these questions and let me know whats seen.

Love
Behzad