im looking for a guide.pls help me find certainity

[heston]

i still need your help..last night i realised that me doesnt exist.things went from laughter to bieng scared.lots of thoughts were running in my mind.its seems kinda wrong that there is nothing governing.i felt like i was going to be attacked.today i woke up.while i cant unsee what i saw my mind has done its best to make that expirience seem like a dream.is there something i have to do that im missing.here is a little i wrote.

It was hard realising that god of my former religion didnt exist but now to realise nothing exists.what now there is no point to existance.i had thought the self was enough.its all we needed to exist.were here to live life.rhave goals and realise them.look now there really is nothing.there goals i want to achieve are for nothing.

[hansjager]

i still need your help..last night i realised that me doesnt exist.things went from laughter to bieng scared.lots of thoughts were running in my mind.its seems kinda wrong that there is nothing governing.i felt like i was going to be attacked.today i woke up.while i cant unsee what i saw my mind has done its best to make that expirience seem like a dream.is there something i have to do that im missing.here is a little i wrote.

It was hard realising that god of my former religion didnt exist but now to realise nothing exists.what now there is no point to existance.i had thought the self was enough.its all we needed to exist.were here to live life.rhave goals and realise them.look now there really is nothing.there goals i want to achieve are for nothing.

Fear not my friend. :)

You're getting accustomed to a new view on things, which can be scary. It's interesting that you say that you felt like you were going to be attacked. Could that be because you feel that without a self, there is no one to defend yourself? No control?

Remember that all these things still are possible as they always were. Nothing has changed except that you saw through an illusion. It was true already anyway.

There can still be desire, love, control, laughter, enjoyment, and everything else. Even more so now that the restriction of the self has disappeared. It opens you up more to the possibility to enjoy life and it has to offer. No self is required to be completely blissed out. :)

As for the notion of God. There really is no knowing if there is a God. All you saw was that there is no self. Does that give you all the answers? No. Personally I don't believe in God. But can I know for sure? No.

I hope this helps, let me know.

[heston]

hello i would like to thank you.it has been hard to adjust.i guess i had to take time to get a llttle clear headed.while im still adjusting.im starting to see benefits of this realisation.this is true freedom.when i thought the self didnt exist.i thought it was my personality that by streaping it.one will find within a real self.to find that theres nothing was a real shock.i have been motivated by the importance of tasks all my life,perhaps this is where it will hard to adjust the most.im gratefull to you and today i celebrate you and all the other guides here.thank you for everything man..can i get a pic of you.

[hansjager]

You sound very lucid in your last reply. Like you really got it. I like this bit:

to find that theres nothing was a real shock.

This indicates to me that you had that one moment of seeing. And the rest of your message is spot on.

I've PM'ed Ray for the confirmation process. Others will have a look at this.

About this part:

i have been motivated by the importance of tasks all my life,perhaps this is where it will hard to adjust the most.

Since you brought it up as a potential issue, let's talk about it. Could you explain what's going on exactly regarding this?

Oh, btw, I don't have any pics of myself right now. :) Maybe some other time.

[hansjager]

Heston, here are some question we always ask people at this point:

1)Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? Have you clearly seen through the illusion of self? Are there any areas you'd like to investigate further?

2)Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3)How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4)What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5)Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

6)Anything to add?

[hansjager]

heston, could you get to this please? It's best to keep things going.

[heston]

i dont know why but i get blogged.most of the time the website doesnt even appear.it says remote server not found.ill reply later evening.

[heston]

Since you brought it up as a potential issue, let's talk about it. Could you explain what's going on exactly regarding this?

You have helped me so much already.i feel like speaking about honestly about my past will get me futher.its hard as ive never shared this with anyone before.

I was abused in daycare,my mother finding out six months into daycare.when i was in primary i was molested by a family member whom ive forgiven and have an okay relationship with.i was the typical movie fat kid.so i was made fun of a lot by teachers and fellow students.i had that thing that some teachers really didnt like me.to the point of getting insults and beatings.i ended up doing little but the basics in life.trying not to come out in any way.from tests to about everything i did just okay.not enough to shine the spotlight at me.since finishing high school ive been struggling ever since as life demands more from me and my habits were holding me back.thats why i began meditation to heal and move on.

[hansjager]

I'm truly sorry to hear that you had those experiences heston. I have a suggestion. These are things that you can get help for. But since I'm not the right person for that and I think it may be a bit too personal and heavy for a public forum, I suggest you PM me. If you do, I can give you some suggestions for getting help.

So I'm not ignoring this part, I find it extremely important. I prefer to take it further in PM.

Then there's the list of questions I posted. Those you can answer here. Take your time, and I understand if it takes a little longer because of trouble you're having with the website. I suggest you contact an admin for that.

I feel for you my friend. I do hope you PM me so we can get you help for those issues.

[heston]

Heston, here are some question we always ask people at this point:

1)Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? Have you clearly seen through the illusion of self? Are there any areas you'd like to investigate further?
There is no self and there was never a self.ive seen through the illusion.

2)Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusionis the asumption that im here so im real.unless one question this,one remains in the illusionment.illusion begins with identifying with your name.then changes over and over with each expirience

3)How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Its shocking.i have no words to explain the difference

4)What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
There questions themselves and bypassing fear

5)Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
You control,decide,intend,choose nothing as there is no you to control

6)Anything to add?

follow the questions and you will see.

[hansjager]

Thanks for the answers. I've emailed Ray and will hear from him what's next. And do PM me so I can help you find help with your problems.

[hansjager]

I just got word back from Ray and he'd like me to ask you for some more details before posts this thread for the other guides to look at.

Regarding question 3 and 5, could you describe for both some details and examples from the past few days?

[hansjager]

Btw Heston, do take your time. I know there's this rule that you should post once a day. I like that as a starting point, but based on the individual, it's sometimes best to adjust it to the individual.

Since you're dealing with heavy stuff and I generally feel like it's better for you to not be rushed, it's ok if it takes a couple of days. If you're on day 4 and you haven't responded yet, write anyway. Otherwise it takes too long. It might become procrastination.

So go ahead, take your time, formulate your answers. Think about this and take it easy.

Do NOT think you can give a wrong answer!!! :)

Some things you might be wrong about. Heck, it happens all the time. To everyone. Its ok.

Post when you're ready or on day 4. I think that would work best for you.

[heston]

its okay i can post now

3 its really hard to explain.one moment you are you there next you are aware
that you dont exist.life went from searching to fear,laughter,sadness.i can say the emotions have been intence and one has a certain freedom to not have that searching inside that started since i was a child.i cant say ive come but that unique searching has dropped.

[hansjager]

Good. What about question 5?