Ready for a guide

[Coffee]

Hi erah,

I will write you soon. Please bare with me :)

Much love

[erah]

Hi Coffee - of course!!! Please take as much time as you need. I will be here :).

[Coffee]

Sorry it took so long, erah. I will be able to post daily now.

Hi Coffee :)

You know - I actually had to let your last message peculate a little... I just really want to be honest and not fake it, and so I asked myself - truly, have I seen what you are speaking of? And I don't know the answer to that. Some things I know intuitively, and some things I sometimes see. For example, I see that the whole idea of awakening is in itself quite irrelevant and meaningless when it comes to reality, because there is no one here to awaken.... Who will be awakened, after all? It doesn't even make sense :). And somehow, as soon as I see that what "I" am is simply and directly all that is showing up here now - the sense of separate "I" disappears - it is somehow removed from everything that is experienced. And with it goes some of the usual anxiety, because nothing is a problem anymore - who is here to have a problem, after all? and how could things be truly opposing each other, when in truth, they are all occurring as this one wholeness?? Again - it doesn't make sense somehow... And from this same perspective - yes, there is no controller - no one here is doing anything - it's just the various dream elements doing themselves; and none of the dream and none of the doing - is "me". It's quite a liberated feeling.

Sounds great. Can you describe the anxiety a little more? Is it just a feeling being labelled as anxiety? Everything else you wrote sounded very liberating and peaceful.

But maybe this seeing is not very deep or complete, because to gain access to this correct perspective, I need to read what you said, and/or somehow remember all this.... It's not very consistent - very easy to get confused again - and the "I" returns to be an old separate "I" very quickly. So I'm not sure if/where I'm stuck, or maybe even these questions in themselves suggest that I'm not quite seeing this - I don't know :). In short, I'm very happy to be asked some final questions, or - I'm also happy to keep talking - which ever you think is best... :).

Ok, so you say that this seeing is not very deep or complete.

Is there anything that you are not aware of, at any given moment? Is there anything that you don't know? Or are there just thoughts making claims about an incompleteness, and unknowns?

Do you have any evidence in your direct experience of something that is unknown, or something that needs to be known that isn't already?

Do you see that even this inquiry, there is no separation between the guide and the inquirer? If the concept of "erah" is not the thinker of thoughts, then "Coffee" as well is not the thinker of thoughts. So these words are appearing all on their own as the dream you are.

Do you see that within this dream, there is no "real knowledge", there is no "secret" unknown to you. What you seek is what you are. Only thoughts will make claims that there is something incomplete here, but look, is there?

Thanks again for everything - even if there's no one to thank :). It's nice to have this dream - I feel fortunate.

Yes, if you look you will see this dream is perfect as it is.

I will leave you with a quote I read somewhere:

"What you think you are, is nothing more than the dream character. What you really are, is nothing less than the dream itself"

Much love

[Coffee]

On that final quote, I'd also like to ask these questions, because they seem relevant to your last post.

Is there a problem with thoughts constantly claiming that you are nothing more than the dream character? Is there any problem with thoughts appearing as a story of a separate I?

[erah]

Hi Coffee
This time it's my turn to apologize for the writing delay - it's been an unusually busy week, with too little private time to sit and write... But I've read your messages, and I very much want to respond... I will write soon!
Much love :)
Sigal

[Coffee]

I'll be here :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[erah]

Hi Coffee

Just wanted to check in :-). I'm so sorry for being away for this long - I hope you are still here, and that you are well :). This busy-ness over here is not fully over - but hopefully I will have a bit more time to write this week.

I've spent most of this past week surrounded by other people - both at work and at home, and despite how much I wanted to see that truth while with them, it evaded me completely most of the time. It's like I lose this calibration of what is true, and the view returns to be the conventional separation of "me" here and "them" there, and I can't snap out of it, despite how much I want to and try. I simply don't know how. I don't know why - but when I am alone the seeing surfaces, but in company - it's gone...

I understand that just like there is no thinker here who is thinking these words and typing them, there is also no thinker "inside" another person - that there is no "person" there really - just a constellation of forms, without a subject - same as here. I understand this - and sometimes I can see that (mostly when I sense my own lack of existence) - but most of the times when in company, this understanding remains very intellectual - and there is no direct seeing of this. Instead, my experience is - if I'm honest - is that all I can say for sure, is that I don't know if there's a person there or not - that there is no way for me to know, as I can't look inside them and see for myself - so then it's just another concept - another thought... That all I can ever do is look within my own experience and see - and know the truth... but since there is no contact with this direct seeing in those moments, there is also no knowing. And hence the sense of loss of contact with the truth, even though I know it's always here - how can it not be?

Ok - hope all this make sense :-). As always - I would love to hear your input :-).

Thank you again, and all the best!
Erah.

[Coffee]

Will reply soon!

Much love

[Coffee]

Hi Coffee

Just wanted to check in :-). I'm so sorry for being away for this long - I hope you are still here, and that you are well :). This busy-ness over here is not fully over - but hopefully I will have a bit more time to write this week.

Good to hear from you again, I can post very frequently over the next few days.

I've spent most of this past week surrounded by other people - both at work and at home, and despite how much I wanted to see that truth while with them, it evaded me completely most of the time. It's like I lose this calibration of what is true, and the view returns to be the conventional separation of "me" here and "them" there, and I can't snap out of it, despite how much I want to and try. I simply don't know how. I don't know why - but when I am alone the seeing surfaces, but in company - it's gone...

What is it that is "gone" when in company? Are the thoughts saying "I have lost calibration of what is true", true? Or is truth always here? Look and see if a separate "I" ever exists, even when thoughts are make claims of "losing calibration".

Instead, my experience is - if I'm honest - is that all I can say for sure, is that I don't know if there's a person there or not - that there is no way for me to know, as I can't look inside them and see for myself - so then it's just another concept - another thought... That all I can ever do is look within my own experience and see - and know the truth... but since there is no contact with this direct seeing in those moments, there is also no knowing. And hence the sense of loss of contact with the truth, even though I know it's always here - how can it not be?

This sense of loss of contact with the truth, is this a problem?

So going back to the sleep-dream analogy. In a sleep-dream, is there anything that you don't know? Or is there just a sense or thought-story about things that exist outside of what is happening in the dream?

Similarly it seems here, you feel you lose contact with the truth when you start to believe you don't know the truth in the other person. Let's not worry about imagined experiences outside that you can never be aware of. It is like guessing from an infinite pool of ideas, none of them will be true. When we look for truth, we look at only what you KNOW to be true now. Outside of concepts, outside of thought, look here now, what you know to exist, that is the truth. Thought isn't required for you to hear the sounds around you, nor is it required to see clearly.

Let me know how this sits with you.

Much love

[erah]

Hi Coffee - thank you so much for your reply :). I will back soon - later today if all goes well!
Much love,
Erah

[erah]

Hi Coffee,
Finally a moment to write :). Thank you so much for all your comments - I've read over everything you wrote :).

I had this realization a week or so ago - that when I feel that I lose contact with that knowing of truth - it feels like I looking at what's here - truth is always truth - but I somehow can't process it - I can't remember what i'm looking at and what I'm supposed to see... maybe like someone with Dementia who sees a relative, but doesn't recognize them - doesn't know who they are. They see a face and a voice and body, but no ability to make sense of this information - to know what it means. That's how I feel sometimes about that loss of contact - and it made me wonder if some pre-thinking cognition must be present to know/live the truth. I also know that when i feel that I lose contact with the truth - a great sense of urgency and visceral distress comes over me - that time is slipping away before I am awake...

Then, every once in a while - without doing anything - what ever is here knowing/recognizing the truth returns - and I see and know - it's all one thing - nothing can be taken out of this - where will it go? And other people are also a part of this same thing - nothing can be pulled apart from anything else. And the question of what's inside of them - whether it's a person or not a person - feels so irrelevant - it doesn't even makes sense to even ask that. Things are just what they are - doing themselves - appearances moving - nothing behind it all - including behind where I'm at - there's nothing here too, and that's very ok.

This fluctuating view is not a problem in itself, expect that it does cause some anxiety. I see what you are saying (I think) - that it is some believed thought somewhere that results in this confusion - and I need to explore more what is the message in those moment, and separate the story that is telling me that I have lost contact with the truth - from what is actually experienced directly in the moment. I just have to somehow tolerate that sense of confusion/disorientation (or maybe that's a story too??!!).

ok - just my thoughts/experiences for tonight - to share :).
Best!
Erah

[Coffee]

Hi Coffee,
Finally a moment to write :). Thank you so much for all your comments - I've read over everything you wrote :).

I had this realization a week or so ago - that when I feel that I lose contact with that knowing of truth - it feels like I looking at what's here - truth is always truth - but I somehow can't process it - I can't remember what i'm looking at and what I'm supposed to see... maybe like someone with Dementia who sees a relative, but doesn't recognize them - doesn't know who they are. They see a face and a voice and body, but no ability to make sense of this information - to know what it means. That's how I feel sometimes about that loss of contact - and it made me wonder if some pre-thinking cognition must be present to know/live the truth.

Does what you are at any moment have to have a meaning given to it by thought? What if life needed no meaning, how does it feel to let life be as it is without needing a meaning?

When you feel "disconnected" from the truth, and thoughts say they are unable to make sense of what you are. Just look, is there anything separate that needs to make sense of the whole? Or can it be left as it is, and allow even the thoughts of disconnection to be part of what you are.

What is it that feels disconnected? The story of disconnection, is this the truth? When a thought says:

"I feel disconnected"

"I see what I am but I am losing contact with it"

What is it that is losing contact with what? Can you find anything in your experience that is "lacking", or "not allowed to be there" including these thoughts about disconnection?

At any given moment, is it possible to see that whatever feeling/thought/emotion is currently showing up, is you.

Hi Coffee,
I also know that when i feel that I lose contact with the truth - a great sense of urgency and visceral distress comes over me - that time is slipping away before I am awake...

It sounds like there are some expectations about what "truth" should be like. Truth is whatever is showing up right now. If you drop these expectations about how it should be, or how you should feel, can you find peace as simply being as you are?

When you have these thoughts about disconnection, question them.

This fluctuating view is not a problem in itself, expect that it does cause some anxiety. I see what you are saying (I think) - that it is some believed thought somewhere that results in this confusion - and I need to explore more what is the message in those moment, and separate the story that is telling me that I have lost contact with the truth - from what is actually experienced directly in the moment. I just have to somehow tolerate that sense of confusion/disorientation (or maybe that's a story too??!!).

Yes, next time this anxiety is here, explore it. I think you'll find it is also just a story about anxiety/confusion and it being a problem.

Can you describe to me what you see as your self? Is it different to before we began this thread? Is there still a separate self?

Much love

[erah]

hi Coffee,
Thanks for writing me! Yes - you are right - what I forget is that everything that is showing up is me. I forget that - and at that moment there's confusion, because I remember that I saw something - something important - but can't remember what that was or how I saw that - and there's panic - a sense of disorientation. It's weird - I still need to read what you write for me to see that I am what is showing up - I need to read these words, and then I see it - and the seeing remains for a while on its own. But then, after some times - it fade - it's like I can't maintain this knowing on my own - I'm still dependent on help - so in a way it's not innate yet. I even tried pointing to it by saying to myself over and over - I am everything that is showing up - what I am is "this that is" - after all, I see it when I read what you write... But somehow - when I say it - the words loose their meaning quickly - I forget what they point to - maybe because the "thinker" returns, so of course these words can't make sense from the perception of a separate self... But when I read what you write - the words have a different effect on me - they result in a certain experiential seeing that is not in words. This on and off knowing has remained the same since we began this thread, except that more often now, there will be spontaneous moments where I see that "I" don't exist - it's like everything is the same - doing it's thing, but somehow there is no-one here, where I'm supposed to be - there is no 'self'... that's what it feels like :).
Hope all this is making sense :). Not sure what to do about all this... :)
Thank you again for all your input and patience :)
Much love back
Erah

[erah]

Oh - one little edit: "I" don't exist - it's like everything is the same - doing it's thing, but somehow there is no-one here, where I'm supposed to be - there is no 'self'... and there is no self in anything else... that's what it feels like :).

[Coffee]

Thanks for writing me! Yes - you are right - what I forget is that everything that is showing up is me. I forget that - and at that moment there's confusion, because I remember that I saw something - something important - but can't remember what that was or how I saw that - and there's panic - a sense of disorientation. It's weird - I still need to read what you write for me to see that I am what is showing up - I need to read these words, and then I see it - and the seeing remains for a while on its own. But then, after some times - it fade - it's like I can't maintain this knowing on my own - I'm still dependent on help - so in a way it's not innate yet.

No problem erah, keep going :) It sounds like you are looking very openly and honestly.

Do you see that the words you see from me don't come from anywhere outside of yourself?

I even tried pointing to it by saying to myself over and over - I am everything that is showing up - what I am is "this that is" - after all, I see it when I read what you write... But somehow - when I say it - the words loose their meaning quickly - I forget what they point to - maybe because the "thinker" returns, so of course these words can't make sense from the perception of a separate self... But when I read what you write - the words have a different effect on me - they result in a certain experiential seeing that is not in words. This on and off knowing has remained the same since we began this thread, except that more often now, there will be spontaneous moments where I see that "I" don't exist - it's like everything is the same - doing it's thing, but somehow there is no-one here, where I'm supposed to be - there is no 'self'... that's what it feels like :).

It seems there is a desire for the "thought-dialogue" to stop describing things as if there was a "thinker" or a "doer". Do you see that this dialogue is also a part of you? Even if thoughts describe a separate self, can you still stop and see that these thoughts are not true?

Is it possible to see that you are "all that is here", even when thoughts are telling a story of a separate self?

-----

I asked some other guides to check on this thread. I was asked to ask you this:

"Do you feel you have seen through the illusion of a separate self?"

Much love