Looking for a guide

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah,

Expectations! And what does expectation? Thoughts. You never lost what you are looking for – it was ever there! But thoughts……. well – they are full of want and what if and more. Look.
Expectations want everything to change, emotions to be lovely, no more sorrow…….. but again that is thought doing its thing! Look your self. Then look under, around and see if space is still there throughout all wants and what ifs. What wants WOW

Thoughts want WOW :). This weekend has been very active and social. There has also been looking much of the time. It seems pretty clear how characters / people (including this one) just do what they do and are “in character”. “Space” is there all the time, and I notice thoughts trying to grasp what it (“space”) is, but not finding anything to latch on to or any “descriptions”. Also there has been some looking at expectations, and plenty of thoughts about what it could be like to see no self. But, now, trying to write about it, nothing comes up. A picture that comes up is an old fashioned record player turning more and more slowly and the sound makes no sense. It’ s like something is wearing itself out.

Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Hi Tove

Thoughts want WOW :). This weekend has been very active and social. There has also been looking much of the time. It seems pretty clear how characters / people (including this one) just do what they do and are “in character”. “Space” is there all the time, and I notice thoughts trying to grasp what it (“space”) is, but not finding anything to latch on to or any “descriptions”.

That’s because space is not an object (objects appear in it) and mind deals with objects. That’s also why its driven nuts trying to understand! You will see this yourself if you look.

Also there has been some looking at expectations, and plenty of thoughts about what it could be like to see no self. But, now, trying to write about it, nothing comes up. A picture that comes up is an old fashioned record player turning more and more slowly and the sound makes no sense. It’ s like something is wearing itself out

Lovely analogy!

What lives?

What experiences?

What thinks?

What does?

What is aware?

OK Tove, does doubt still remain? If so what doubts are you experiencing? Do you feel that anything more is needed to be the freedom that you are?
Much Love Sarah xx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah!

That’s because space is not an object (objects appear in it) and mind deals with objects. That’s also why its driven nuts trying to understand! You will see this yourself if you look.

That mind is driven nuts is clearly seen……:) and this particular mind with its thoughts seems to be quite exhausted…. So I guess it can be said from this perspective that the looking over these past three weeks have revealed very clearly a mind/ character with a strong inclination to understand. Thoughts about beating “my” head against a brick wall have occurred frequently. And now there are thoughts about thoughts perhaps having run their course and thoughts giving up (understanding). It does seem like thought activity is slowing down. . A sort of giving up / giving in.
I had a weird dream last night, and woke up remembering quite a few details. There was a knowing of having made a reservation on a flight, but not knowing the destination. At one point I thought I was on the plane, but it turned out I was on a boat…. And when I finally got on a plane, I was alone in the cabin except for an old woman I did not know. There was an emergency and instead of oxygen masks being released from above, down came pillows and earplugs. And I had to figure out how to breathe through earplugs. It seemed to work….
Probably sounds silly, as dreams often do in the morning, but it stayed with me and seemed in some way relevant to this process.

What lives?

What experiences?

What thinks?

What does?

What is aware?

What is aware?
The body and the mind lives , experiences, thinks and does. What is aware? That which “I” cannot UNDERSTAND and describe, but which is always there and always aware, and perceives it all. It just is. Very simple, very present. What also comes up now is a big smile..... Compassion? Feels a bit like a big "Smiley" :)

OK Tove, does doubt still remain? If so what doubts are you experiencing? Do you feel that anything more is needed to be the freedom that you are?

No, I don’t really have any doubts, there is just all the “noise”. Thoughts, emotions (sadness, frustration etc.) + more thoughts (especially expectations about joy / peace / bliss etc) that seem to be part of this looking process here. Also physical tensions, for example headaches, which I usually seldom suffer from. The “I” attaches, then there’s looking, and the “I” attaches again, and then looking. Lots of “old stuff” seems to be coming up. A thought comes up: This may continue for a while….???

Thanks for sticking by me in this process, Sarah! It is much appreciated.

Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Hi Tove

That mind is driven nuts is clearly seen……:) and this particular mind with its thoughts seems to be quite exhausted…. So I guess it can be said from this perspective that the looking over these past three weeks have revealed very clearly a mind/ character with a strong inclination to understand. Thoughts about beating “my” head against a brick wall have occurred frequently. And now there are thoughts about thoughts perhaps having run their course and thoughts giving up (understanding). It does seem like thought activity is slowing down. . A sort of giving up / giving in.

Are the thoughts ‘you’ though? Is there a you to have thoughts? To want them or want them to shut up and go away? Is there a sense that there is a ‘you’ tied up with thoughts and in thoughts, or is it seen that thoughts are just doing what thoughts do? Is there a ‘you’ to give up? Was there ever? Has any of this process been done by a ‘you’?
I may have misunderstood the above – are you saying that thoughts are becoming quieter because it is seen there is no you?

The body and the mind lives , experiences, thinks and does. What is aware? That which “I” cannot UNDERSTAND and describe, but which is always there and always aware, and perceives it all. It just is. Very simple, very present. What also comes up now is a big smile..... Compassion? Feels a bit like a big "Smiley" :)

Is it your body?
What is your direct experience of mind? (Im just checking here!!!!!) Do you mean thoughts?

No, I don’t really have any doubts, there is just all the “noise”. Thoughts, emotions (sadness, frustration etc.) + more thoughts (especially expectations about joy / peace / bliss etc) that seem to be part of this looking process here. Also physical tensions, for example headaches, which I usually seldom suffer from. The “I” attaches, then there’s looking, and the “I” attaches again, and then looking. Lots of “old stuff” seems to be coming up. A thought comes up: This may continue for a while….???

How is the ‘noise’ perceived? Is it labeled apart from ‘noise’? Is it part of what is too? Is that OK?
This may continue for a while….??? – what does this matter too? Is it believed, if so by what? I
Is there a you who thinks it?
Im here for as long as there is doubt – and even then………? Much Love S xx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah,

Are the thoughts ‘you’ though? Is there a you to have thoughts? To want them or want them to shut up and go away? Is there a sense that there is a ‘you’ tied up with thoughts and in thoughts, or is it seen that thoughts are just doing what thoughts do? Is there a ‘you’ to give up? Was there ever? Has any of this process been done by a ‘you’?
I may have misunderstood the above – are you saying that thoughts are becoming quieter because it is seen there is no you?

It is seen that thoughts are doing what thoughts do, including thoughts about wanting thoughts to shut up. And that there is no “me / I” thinking them or a “ me /I” controlling them. Thoughts are becoming quieter, which may be because it is seen that there is no “I” thinking them, and also perhaps because the “I” element in thoughts is reduced because of this seeing. What I’m trying to say is that there seem to be fewer thoughts like “I don’t get it”, “I want to understand” etc. Sorry if this is not very clear.

Is it your body?

There is no “I”, and hence no “I” than can claim ownership to this particular body. This said, your question “Is it your body?” immediately triggered an “I” thought about “my body”. So I have just spent 5- 10 minutes looking for the “I” that owns this body, without finding it ;)

What is your direct experience of mind? (Im just checking here!!!!!) Do you mean thoughts?

Yes, I mean thoughts / thought activity.

How is the ‘noise’ perceived? Is it labeled apart from ‘noise’? Is it part of what is too? Is that OK?
This may continue for a while….??? – what does this matter too? Is it believed, if so by what? I
Is there a you who thinks it?

Hmmmm….. “noise” is a label, I think. A “negative” label with some “I” attachment based on thoughts about “too much”. There seems to be both “it is just what is, and it is ok” and some “I” attachment to judging it negatively. When this (judgment) is seen / looked at, it is not believed.

Thanks, Sarah, and good night :)
Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Hi Tove
Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed? If so what remains?
Are you waiting or expecting anything?
How do you feel?
Much Love Sarah xx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah

Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed? If so what remains?
Are you waiting or expecting anything?
How do you feel?

I read your question and thoughts came up immediately. Like "Have I really seen through the illusion of self". "If I say I have, am I just a fake?? " And then "Have I gone through the gateless gate??" And then immediately came "And who the h... is there to go through any gate??". And I have been laughing and cooking dinner. Can it be this simple?? (I know this question has been asked by others). But, can it? No big shift, no dramatic change in perception (as yet).

Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Hi Tove
Lovely reading!

I read your question and thoughts came up immediately. Like "Have I really seen through the illusion of self". "If I say I have, am I just a fake?? " And then "Have I gone through the gateless gate??" And then immediately came "And who the h... is there to go through any gate??". And I have been laughing and cooking dinner. Can it be this simple??

OK. I want you to sit with that statement: ‘Can it be this simple??’ Look straight into the space. Then ask!
If as I have stated you are already what you are looking for, HOW could you of ever been lost?
Gateless Gate – why is it called this!!!!!

And I have been laughing and cooking dinner. Can it be this simple?? (I know this question has been asked by others). But, can it? No big shift, no dramatic change in perception (as yet).

What was waiting for shifts, drama, bangs and whistles?
You like walking I believe? Go for a walk. Watch animals, babies, other people. See how everything moves, wiggles, trees, grass, animals, birds, humans, the body that is here now. Notice how everything is happening effortlessly. Notice how everything simply is. See how seeing just happens. There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer, only watching, observing happening in the present moment effortlessly. Mind is doing it's usual business of labelling experience and it is also just happening by itself without an effort. If there is a doubt, notice that, look right at it, see it for what it really is. It is just a thought that arises and passes away. Keep looking at the obvious. Focus. Is there a focuser? Or focusing happening?
Much Love Sarah xx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah,

OK. I want you to sit with that statement: ‘Can it be this simple??’ Look straight into the space. Then ask!
If as I have stated you are already what you are looking for, HOW could you of ever been lost?
Gateless Gate – why is it called this!!!!!

Yes, it can be this simple. I don’t know what else to say. Why is it call the Gateless Gate? It seems, from “my” perspective that what fell away yesterday was the “me” who wanted to go somewhere (through the gate), and when that “me” fell away so did the Gate or the Path.

What was waiting for shifts, drama, bangs and whistles?

Thoughts and concepts, I would say.

Focus. Is there a focuser? Or focusing happening?

There’s just focusing happening. Pretty sure of that :).

It may be just labelling, but I have been feeling very relaxed and joyful today :)

Good night, Sarah!

Love Tove

[Sarah7]

So then my dear Tove is everything clear? No more seeking? No more questions?
Much Love S xxx

[Tessa]

Dear Sarah,

So then my dear Tove is everything clear? No more seeking? No more questions?

Big questions. I’ve been looking at them for a few minutes, and mind (thoughts) just go blank. There is focusing (no focuser to be found :) ) I will try to sum up what is seen in writing.

There has been intense “looking” for a few weeks. Looking to find an “I”. No “I” has been found, but there has been a sense of “I” and a frequent noticing of the sense of “I” attaching to thoughts. The stories and labels of “I” / Tove are many. It does seem like the intensive looking caused more thoughts and stories for a while, and now this mind/thought activity seems reduced. There is seeing that all this is just happening, and it does not belong to an “I”.
The “I” still attaches, however, but is quickly seen as thoughts and story.

As for the body, it is clearly seen how activity / doing / bodily functions are happening without an “I” in control. Again, as with mind / thoughts the habit of “I” ownership (of the body) is still there, but is seen as thoughts .

What seems very clear is the seeing of how characters/ personalities (including this one :) are playing out their programming /repertoire. This looking is often very amusing, and is also supporting the seeing of no “I” in myself and others.

Two days ago there was this instant of very clear seeing, when answering your questions. This seeing was different and it is difficult to put into words. There was as if there was a direct seeing of there being no “I”, instead of the “I cannot find an “I”, therefore it cannot exist” of the looking process. It was also a seeing of the illusory “I”’s wanting to “get it”, “break through” etc., and that there was nowhere to get to. I cannot explain this well, but it was an instant of a clarity, like curtains were drawn (open) to reveal this. There seems to be a recognition that this seeing did not come from mind / thought. You ask “No more seeking?”, and at the moment my answer is that there seems to be no seeking just now.
And there is this sense of amusement which still lingers after this particular seeing.

I think this is the best I can do in terms of describing all this at the moment.

Have a good evening, Sarah.
Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Beautiful reading dear Tove

The “I” still attaches, however, but is quickly seen as thoughts and story.

Is there any controller of I attaching? So it may attach again and again……… but……..as stated looking shows story. Story also may attach again and again……. but……… etc. Each time it is just thoughts doing their thing. LOL. Peeling onions and layers of habit :) Movement in what is – clouds across the sky.

Two days ago there was this instant of very clear seeing, when answering your questions. This seeing was different and it is difficult to put into words. There was as if there was a direct seeing of there being no “I”, instead of the “I cannot find an “I”, therefore it cannot exist” of the looking process. It was also a seeing of the illusory “I”’s wanting to “get it”, “break through” etc., and that there was nowhere to get to. I cannot explain this well, but it was an instant of a clarity, like curtains were drawn (open) to reveal this. There seems to be a recognition that this seeing did not come from mind / thought. You ask “No more seeking?”, and at the moment my answer is that there seems to be no seeking just now.

Perfect explanation! Again – movement in what is - reflections on the surface of the mirror.

And there is this sense of amusement which still lingers after this particular seeing.

:)
Take the weekend Tove. Watch this movement. Watch the seamlessness perfection of it. It is life life-ing. Come back Sunday – have a lovely weekend yourself!
Love as ever S xx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah,

I hope you have enjoyed your weekend?

Is there any controller of I attaching?

No, there is no controller of I attaching. An interesting phenomenon this weekend is that there seems to have been less attachment / stickiness (than usual) , and the image that comes to mind is that thoughts float in, hit a slippery wall, don't attach and just slide down and are gone.....

Another "theme" this weekend is a noticing of much grief the "I" story causes. Even for very young persons who appear to fullfill all the criteria of "promising and successful" youths.

Love, Tove

[Sarah7]

Hi Tove

I hope you have enjoyed your weekend?

I did thank you.
So then Tove. Did you take note of the movement, comings and goings, arising’s, etc (which in itself is another thought/concept)?

An interesting phenomenon this weekend is that there seems to have been less attachment / stickiness (than usual) , and the image that comes to mind is that thoughts float in, hit a slippery wall, don't attach and just slide down and are gone.....

Have you seen through the illusion of self?
Much Love Sarah xxxx

[Tessa]

Hi Sarah,

So then Tove. Did you take note of the movement, comings and goings, arising’s, etc (which in itself is another thought/concept)?

Do you mean the movement of "life lifing" ? :) Yes, I do notice the comings and goings of thoughts, physical sensations, breaths, people, wind, smells etc. Everything comes and goes. Including the sense of “I”, which does attach to some things, but not to others. In fact it attaches to only “select sticky favourites” of what comes and goes :)
I do not understand "which is in itself is another concept". Do you mean the movement etc. or the noticing? Or that comings and goings, for example, is a concept?

Have you seen through the illusion of self?

A reluctance to say : "Yes, I have seen through the illusion of self" comes up. Doubts come up. Again just thoughts. And another thought: "I wish it could be as clear as it was 4 nights ago". Another thought. Who wishes that? It is just a thought.

Conclusion: There is no self.

Have a good evening, Sarah.

Love, Tove