Finally! :)

[rdbanton]

Hello Everyone!

I'm very happy to be here. I think this is a great site and wish I would have found this earlier. It may have saved many years of seeking.

How did you wake up? What happened?

I have studied happiness and been a seeker for a long time (LONG TIME). I have read extensively. The most valuable authors for me have been Alan Watts, Terrance Grey (Wei Wu Wei), Ramesh Balsekar, Anthony DeMello, Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, Douglas Harding, Jed Mckenna, Rupert Spira, etc. A lot of reading and studying and thinking. Then a change in my life happened, sadness, pain, fear, grief, etc. At some point in the reading and seeking, a week or so ago, I just saw it. I went “Oh. Oh wow, okay I see it. Holy cow!” I still felt sad. I continued to read and watch videos on YouTube. I knew and know there was/is no self. I stumbled upon this site and thought I wish I had found this earlier. Haha. Oh well. I still felt sad so I sent out an email and was graciously invited me to post here and so it is.

-What changed?

I had a belief in a separate self. I saw the falsity of that.

What is different after seeing through the illusion?

Everything and nothing. The world is exactly as it is. Reality is as it is. I saw it through a distorted lens. The lens was removed and now I see clearer. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between determinism and free will, between self-improvement and no-doer. I see no free will, no one to have a will at all. No self-improvement, no self to improve.

-What is the self?

I don't know what is meant by the self here. What was the self? An illusion. A belief in a “me” that was separate from everything else. I see authors refer to the Self with a capital S as everything and I suppose that applies too.

-How would you explain this to someone who is interested in this, but not yet familiar with the topic?

I would ask, "what is the self? Where is it? Find it. Show it to me. Explain it to me." And of course if they really looked it would likely go “not this, not this, not that, etc. until the person came to simply “NOT . . . not at all."

-What brings you to this forum?

Being a bit mystical perhaps I would say “time will tell.” Otherwise, I want to make friends, have fun, explore THIS with others who are interested in IT. I am willing to help others see this also. So happy to be here, so happy I found like-minded others.

[Ilona]

Hi Richard,

Thank you for email. I see you made it to the forum, wonderful.

Yes, this is the right place to meet new friends, share and explore this with others.

We usually ask some questions and make sure that the line was crossed with both legs. Can you write a it about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

How does it feel to see that separate self is an illusion?
Was there ever a self in any form or shape?

I know what you mean by some authors putting capital S and making it Self. IT can be called many names, Self, life, reality, god, this... But words are just labels, they only point to something..
Looking forward to your answers!

Sending love.

[rdbanton]

Hi Ilona :)

Thank you for replying. I was hoping that you would be the one to ask me questions lol. I have read some of the Gateless Gatecrashers book, responses that you have posted here to others, and listened to the interview with "The Wizard"(lol), John Troy and I cannot help but to smile when I think about you haha. For the record, I am a fan! Your work helping people to see through the illusion of self is commendable and your candidness, compassion, kindness, and insight are delightful!

Ok so to the questions!

"Can you write a bit about decision, intention, free will, choice and control?"

Decisions: They happen. There is no one who decides anything. Thoughts appear, apparent choices, another thought that one option is better, a decision happens. No "I" to decide. I suppose I can include intentions and choices in this description as well. Thoughts, thoughts to act or refrain from acting, no thinker, decider, chooser, intend-er.

Free-will: This one had me for a long time (twenty years or more) going back and forth when I still believed I was a "self." Philosophically, the debate between determinism and free-will appears unresolvable as long as one believes in separate individual selves. There is speculation and good arguments on both sides of the issue. Personally, I would lean toward determinism for a while and then swing back to existentialism and belief in free-will and personal choice. It was maddening! Especially when trying to find a method of helping people to be happier which has a been a big focus of my work. The debate dissolves when the illusion of self is seen through. No self = no one to have a will, free or otherwise. It appears that everything in phenomenality is conditioned or determined but all this is thought, concept, labeling. I feel content to not know anything lately.

Control: No one to have it. Never was. Probably never will be? Who knows? Who cares? Just thoughts.

"What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience."

I don't know what makes things happen. Things appear to just happen. I don't know how it works lol. I really do not feel like I know the answer to this. (I think I would have lots of money if I really knew the answer to this ha!) It seems like everything just is. It is all going on by itself. A general example from my experience is that I have often succeeded in spite of myself and failed regardless of effort and action taken. No rhyme or reason to it.

"How does it feel to see that separate self is an illusion?"

It feels strange. It feels different from seeing the separate self as real. Things falling away. Prior compulsive thoughts falling away. Future falling away. Past falling away. Effort gone replaced by an easy presence here now. It feels peaceful, easy, simple and uncomplicated. It does feel like a "freedom from bondage." Nothing to do, no where to go, no one to be.

"Was there ever a self in any form or shape?"

There is no belief here that there was every a self in any form or shape.

Thank you Ilona! And other wonderful people who read this, please feel free to comment or help me see anything that may yet be missing. I don't believe that anything is but I am always open to see something different or in a new light. This is fun for me haha.

Love and gratitude

[Ilona]

Thank you very much for answers, it was delightful to read, no more questions... welcome home...

Will see you in Facebook groups!

Sending love.