Hi Ilona may I ask you to be my guide?

[Ilona]

When you look with eyes, without naming things, without language, is there a person, someone looking through the eyes?

[junjo]

Empty. No looker. No seeer. But difficult to look without language, without thoughts. Very strange. Nobody home?

Junjo

[Ilona]

Yep, nobody home.
Look at voice in the head, is this voice the thinker and doer? What are it's functions? Are you the voice in the head? Are you the listener? What does this voice talk to?

Write what you notice.

[junjo]

Hi Ilona,

Haven't been here for a while. I notice that I encounter a sort of paralyzing resistance when you ask me to notice something I don't have an answer to.
As was the case with this question:

Look at voice in the head, is this voice the thinker and doer?

My answer for now is YES. This voice is the thinker and doer but it's not me?
A lot of questions arise: this voice thinks, analyses, encourages me to do things, or don't do things, makes choices, encourages or demotivates, speaks about fear but also about love and can think in every direction and seems only slightly controllable.

Are you the voice in the head? Are you the listener? What does this voice talk to?

No I'm not the voice in the head!? And I'm not the listener?! Total confusion!
This voice talks as it feels fit.
I seem to be able to influence the thoughts though, but is this me or is this still this voice?

Sending love,
Junjo

[Ilona]

Look closer till all is clear.

Look at voice in the head, is this voice the thinker and doer?

My answer for now is YES. This voice is the thinker and doer but it's not me?

What does the voice do? How does it do that? Does voice command body what action to take?
Walk from A to B, does voice control how and when one food goes in front if another? Does voice keeps balance? Does voice tell there body should turn or it all happens without it? Can voice be talking about something entirely different while body is walking?

You can sit 15 min Ina spot and just listen to the voice, it will tell what needs to be done and all, don't move, just watch. Notice, voice is narrating story, describing everything, labelling experience. Is it I?

Is voice always saying truth?

Sending love.

[junjo]

Hell Ilona,

Here I am again.

What does the voice do? How does it do that?

The voice talks and tells 'me' to do things, for instance it tells me to answer you.
'It's time to answer Ilona'

Does voice command body what action to take?

Yes and no. It tells me to sit down and write answers to your questions, but the body doesn't need commands from the voice to take action. The body moves acts from its own.

Walk from A to B, does voice control how and when one food goes in front if another? Does voice keeps balance?

There's just walking but getting up and doing tasting the above experience is sort of a command. Something decides to do this. Just as something decided not to answer you for a long time.
nd the voice isn't busy with balance at all, balance just happens automatically.

Can voice be talking about something entirely different while body is walking?

Oh yes, the voice is not needed.

You can sit 15 min Ina spot and just listen to the voice, it will tell what needs to be done and all, don't move, just watch. Notice, voice is narrating story, describing everything, labelling experience. Is it I?

It's not I, still it has my voice haha!
It's voice, no I, like thoughts, like wind or rain… it comes and goes arbirarely.
But still what wonders me, is I can choose for loving actions or choose te be kind or close my mind, not think, be ethical about things etc.
Is voice always saying truth?
NO certainly not!


Sending love to you too Ilona!

[Ilona]

Nice work!
Ok, you say

But still what wonders me, is I can choose for loving actions or choose te be kind or close my mind, not think, be ethical about things etc.

Is it I that chooses or the voice says that I chooses?

If thought says- this is my thought, does that make that thought 'mine' and is that MY thought the owner of thoughts?
Can a thought own another thought?
Can a thought know, make choices, talk to other thoughts?

Have a closer look, is thought I different from other thoughts? Is it coming from a different place? Is it the thinker of thoughts?


Sending love!

[junjo]

Wow interesting!
I'll certainly have a closer look.
Thank you Ilona!

Sending love and mail with you soon
Junjo

[Ilona]

How is it going? :)

[junjo]

Hi Ilona,

Long time. A dear friend of mine got ill and quite soon after that passed away.
Whatever this is, it's taking time to answer you

Examine this closer: when eyes open, do they see a person? Do they see a name tag? Do eyes see the doer? The thinker? Or it's all just a story in the head, coming from memory?

No, eyes don't see a person or a name tag. The eyes don't see a doer or thinker. It's all in the head. A story? A thought construction, coming from memory. An after thought? But was is memory then? What memory, who's memory?
Anyway. There's no doer.
But if there's no doer, how can –this what is living or thinking or doing, which isn't an I– take responsibility for actions?
For morality, nice behavior, loving kindness, recycling?
It all feels so nothing anymore. If there's no I, nobody in control, why should not-I bother any longer?
It will live, or aware without this so called 'me' thinking it's in control in any way. If there's no free will why bother and doing an effort to understand this? Why bother to keep this illusionary life in a sort of order: Clean, earn money, eat…
What's the use. If I let go of the I it will aware anyhow, anyway, nothing is necessary. If there' no doer, there's nothing to do?
Can you tell me?

Love
junjo.

[Ilona]

Hi junjo.

Sorry to hear about your friend.


Nice to see you back.


That's a good one- if there is no doer there is nothing to do?
Yeah?
And yet everything is happening. Idea about doing is just an idea. Look- breathing is happening, sensations are being felt, colours, shapes are in the visual field, sounds- all is here as normal, ordinary, this.

There never was a doer, just an idea of one. So why would anything change? Things that needed to be done got done and will continue so. It's a belief, that you are making this happen. With or without it things happen, life goes on. It rains, sun shines, wind blows, thoughts, emotions come, where is the doer? Right now, is there one? Are you? What are you making happen? How does it work?


Sending love.

[junjo]

Hi Ilona,

How does it work

Haven't the faintest idea?
Doing is an illusion.
Changing is, helping is, ethics are… illusion?
Why bother then? Why starting LU?
I'm lost.
Breathing is happening, That's the only proof. Breathing in direct experience: It's happening. No I needed at all, no I needed for the sun to shine…
Lost but happy and not understanding but looking and loving and being and awaring and investigating and laughing at thoughts. Less believing, more laughing and sparkling.
The I doesn't understand, is lost. Can't think my way out of this one.
Sitting, or walking or being and just looking, there are no questions just a sort of very wholesome broadness.
But more pointing clues are very welcome.

Sending love
Junjo

[Ilona]

Hi junjo, lovely to hear form you.

Why is a funny question that produces many stories. If stories are thought to be true, you have yourself a belief! Question why in this investigation is ...useless. The only answer I see is ...just because. :)
Have a look in experience, why is breathing happening? It's just happening. No answer to why question is needed for it to continue to happen. Why LU was created? Same stuff. I can tell you many stories about it, but what has it got to do with anything? You are here, I am here, that's it.

I is a thought, can a thought think? Can a thought understand anything?
Does understanding affects sense of being?
Does thought story manages sense of aliveness? Or aliveness, being, is simply here, now, with and without the stories about it?

Sending love.

[junjo]

Wow yes it is! With or without the stories. Just a shivering experience.
I'll look now.
Sending love
Just Junjo

[Ilona]

:) how is it going? Anything new to report?

Much love