freedom

[jeffdilbeck]

It was great actually. I looked for you a bit ago. We'll connect again soon. :)

[jeffdilbeck]

How is it going?

[Norio]

Its going good. Still feeling tied to a little me though. Not sure what to do next?

[jeffdilbeck]

Are you the thinker of thoughts?

[Norio]

Hi. Back after 2 years.
Thought a lot about different techniques recently. For a while tried to think all thoughts objectively... noticed it was kind of difficult to express in such a manner. Changed tactic to just talking without a subject. Came here to see how much it loosens the hold of the self-thought. Know it shouldn't be necessary since sounds a bit strange to people, but finding it useful. Not as strange as talking in 3rd person. If spoke another language like Japanese, would be easier since the word 'I' is not needed in most sentences. Well, don't know what else to say... talking like this is loosening the I thought of its hold the more it is done.

[Norio]

kind of sucks. ego keeps re-identifying with other ego. the mind keeps getting stuck. attempts are made to surrender again and again to the predetermined world. not sure what to do next, but keep looking for other ways to see that there isn't a me. it seems that the idea of the ego rests on many erroneous concepts, and that likely seeing past one of them might undermine its foundation. for a while it seemed focussing on the lack of control of the will would do it, but it hasn't been enough, now am looking at how nothing is owned. without ownership, what could a me being? If all is not me, then even this writing is not done by the me. even the struggle to see that i'm not myself is done by not myself, and is a predetermined process. i am not even observing this happen. i'm not doing anything at all. this is just doing. often the mind and heart say i should't post, i should just do inquiry privately. not sure if its true or not. anything involving speaking about truth with others feels like invasion of others.

this person wishes they hadn't spent so much time trying to actualize the self and abide in self which reinforced the personal feeling of the word. if would have been exposed to a website like this when younger would have worked easier.

guess part of the key is to just keeping doing things with detached calm, not getting too caught up in a story.

[jeffdilbeck]

Hey Norio,

I think you might look at the contradictions in your last post and come up with some answers.

I'll be checking in daily.

Jeff

[Norio]

"kind of sucks. ego keeps re-identifying with other ego."

Says what?

"the mind keeps getting stuck. attempts are made to surrender again and again to the predetermined world."

Effort to surrender is nonsurrender.

"not sure what to do next, but keep looking for other ways to see that there isn't a me."

what does that?

Hi Jeff.

Seems like I already am for the most part aware of my contradictions. But its still how the mind processes.

I'm sure its related to expectations. A wanting to be free. To feel a special kind of throughness. Seems there is a kidding of self, that there is something more to get. Maybe there isn't. Maybe I really am done.

[jeffdilbeck]

How are you?

[Norio]

Hey Jeff. Cool to see you are around after all this time.
I'm ok I guess.

I draw up blanks after my last post. I just don't have an integrated harmony. I suppose it will gradually come. After I keep at the game of seeking for a few days in a row, I eventually become exhausted and lose vitality. "There is no self" sounds like an empty cliche and has no effect on the mind.

[jeffdilbeck]

Do you think? Is it something you do? Are you responsible for the content of your thoughts?

[Norio]

From a 3rd person perspective, the mind just thinks. But in moment to moment experience, i'm not sure, i kind of feel i am influencing the direction of thought. I'm not the thinker, but I am something giving food for the mind to think on.

i wonder if really close. 2 years... no freedom.

[jeffdilbeck]

That makes plenty of sense.

So, when you say you are feeding the direction of thought, you then believe that there is a ghost inside that is pulling the strings in between the thoughts?

[Norio]

OK.

I guess could call it belief. But it seems like a knowledge.

[jeffdilbeck]

What is it which wants to let go?

What is it which will get better in it's opinions about what happens?

What is it which is not through?

What I am pointing at for you to look at for me, is it always there?