Guidance needed

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

Is me-ness separate from awareness?

No, it isn’t separate from awareness.

Is the me-ness feeling the same as the sense of a me deciding? Is there a thought in there? Does the feeling of deciding come and go or is it constant? Watch decision take place – how many of them do you actually notice?

It feels like I’m groping around in the dark trying to spot these me feelings, so my answers are always going to be a little vague. There is a sense of me in the background, a little less tangible perhaps. The ‘me’ deciding appears to have a familiar set of sensations that are noticed occasionally. It is certainly not a constant feeling. It appears to be thought based only.
There are certainly lots of little decisions that don’t get noticed and happen with little or no thought.

How many decisions does habit and preference decide on? Watch a decision take place – is there really a you deciding or thoughts just accompanying it? Look very closely for this one.

It appears that habit and preference make all the decisions, often being perceived as a ‘me’ and mine. As I’m typing this email, there is a procession of thoughts separated by moments of stillness. At some point the fingers start typing, even though my next sentence has not been clearly defined in thought. I really don’t know where this ‘me’ could be located other than as a thought.

Is the me-ness feeling the same as the sense of a me controlling? Again – look closely and use above.

This is similar to deciding. The impression that I am controlling this body/mind is not constant. Habit and preference appears to be the driving force. There seems to be a sense of orderliness that keeps the show going. Whatever is beating the heart and regenerating cells can no doubt ensure the brain functions. Sorry, I have strayed from observation there! Again, I can point to no concrete evidence of someone controlling this thing.

Is it only seen with thought or in thought?

Not quite sure what the question means. But the sense of me-ness is only present when thoughts are arising. Without thoughts there is just an awareness of being.

Try staring at your hand for quite a while. Watch what is experienced.

The ownership tends to fade after a while, and the hand is just another image in awareness.

Love Colin

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin

It feels like I’m groping around in the dark trying to spot these me feelings, so my answers are always going to be a little vague. There is a sense of me in the background, a little less tangible perhaps.

Is this ‘me-ness’ the ‘I Am’, the ‘I exist’? Is this one the same as the thought one?

This is similar to deciding. The impression that I am controlling this body/mind is not constant. Habit and preference appears to be the driving force. There seems to be a sense of orderliness that keeps the show going. Whatever is beating the heart and regenerating cells can no doubt ensure the brain functions. Sorry, I have strayed from observation there! Again, I can point to no concrete evidence of someone controlling this thing.

So look through your day and ask yourself as often as you can whether that decision was done by a ‘you’ or did the decision just get made. Just watch.

Also look for the control and at the idea of control. Is there anything at all other than thought that shows a ‘you’ controlling anything? Is it really a case of things getting done with thoughts along for the ride? Kind of like elevator music or a running commentary on experience?

But the sense of me-ness is only present when thoughts are arising. Without thoughts there is just an awareness of being.

Are thoughts also another arising in awareness?
Are you still waiting for a stable awakening, a permanent knowing, a POW moment, something? Anything else cropped up you want us to look at? Anything still causing doubts? Confusions?
What about free will? What about responsibility?
Love Sarah

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

Is this ‘me-ness’ the ‘I Am’, the ‘I exist’? Is this one the same as the thought one?

The sense of ‘I am’ appears to be different from the thought based one that comes and goes.

So look through your day and ask yourself as often as you can whether that decision was done by a ‘you’ or did the decision just get made. Just watch.
Also look for the control and at the idea of control. Is there anything at all other than thought that shows a ‘you’ controlling anything? Is it really a case of things getting done with thoughts along for the ride? Kind of like elevator music or a running commentary on experience?

Observation suggests that decisions get made automatically, without any ‘me’ running the show.
Again, I can’t find any ‘me’ lurking in the shadows who is pulling the strings and controlling anything. Things get done with the noise of thoughts running in the background.

Are thoughts also another arising in awareness?

Yes, thoughts are also arising in awareness. Otherwise we wouldn’t know they were there.

Are you still waiting for a stable awakening, a permanent knowing, a POW moment, something?

It looks like expectations are simply more thought stories. Thoughts wanting things to be different than they are in this moment, trying to make something permanent when it’s all coming and going. Even if there is that desire for certainty or fireworks, that would be just another thought that occasionally arises and passes away.

Anything else cropped up you want us to look at? Anything still causing doubts? Confusions?
What about free will? What about responsibility?

I guess there are countless things we could discuss, but it appears to be variations around a theme. It all boils down to the same question - can I find a separate self outside of fleeting thoughts?

Love Colin

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin

I guess there are countless things we could discuss, but it appears to be variations around a theme. It all boils down to the same question - can I find a separate self outside of fleeting thoughts?

And can you? Wouldn’t you of found one by now with all the looking happening?
Is there doubt or unclarity that in all the cases you have looked into the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?
Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed?
Much Love Sarah xx

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

And can you? Wouldn’t you of found one by now with all the looking happening?

Yes, unless he is extremely well hidden, that separate self would have been spotted by now. And there is really nowhere to hide.

Is there doubt or unclarity that in all the cases you have looked into the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?

Based on my inability to locate this thing called a self, I have no reason to doubt that he purely located within thought stories.

Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed?

It’s a very convincing illusion that still sucks me in via the momentum of decades of habit, but the workings of the illusion have been revealed.

Love Colin

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin

We have a checking procedure here when a client feels they have seen the illusion. We show your answers to other guides to check and see if I or we have missed out anything that still needs to be seen or looked at. This - due to the date - may take a bit! However if I can ask you to keep checking everyday as there may be other questions if you are OK to answer, if they see anything that may need clarification.

We would then like you to join our aftercare groups on Facebook if you wish. I'll send you private message with a bit more detail. OK

Talk to you soon. Sarah xx

[Colinm]

Ok Sarah, sounds good. No hurry, I'll be here!

Love Colin

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin

The confirmation questions that I am supposed to submit to the other guides got forgot!!!!! Unfortunately you have the guide with no memory! Absent mindedness aside can you please answer in as much detail as you can and THEN I will resubmit you! Sorry for any inconvenience Colin! Feel free to take your time.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) 2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) 3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) 4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) 5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) 6) Anything to add?

Lots of Love Sarah xx

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

In direct experience there are thoughts, feelings and sensations arising and passing in awareness. There is no apparent separate entity self, me or I who is having the experience. There is no reason to believe that there ever was one.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It is the belief in the existence of separate entity that controls this mind/body and thinks these thoughts. Apparently it starts when we are an infant, beginning to learn language and being conditioned by parents to believe in a separate self. From my own experience it felt like a belief that I always held and shared with everyone else, so I didn’t examine its validity. The illusion was maintained by memory thoughts, creating an image of who I believed myself to be from past experience.
As I see it now, this separate self cannot be found outside of thoughts. Thought stories of me and mine arise and pass away, having no real substance.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Nothing drastic to report, just a few subtle changes can be seen. Less time is spent focused on thought stories, more at ease with presently arising thoughts and sensations. Sometimes there is a sense of peace and stillness in the background. Not feeling that something is missing.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

From direct experience, there is no one deciding, intending, choosing or controlling. Things just happen automatically, often from learning or habit. For example, as I write these sentences thoughts are arising and passing, and at some point the fingers begin rapidly typing. In making a cup of coffee, the hands coordinate their actions from habit.

6) Anything to add?

Nothing comes to mind!

Love Colin

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin
A few questions have come in.

In direct experience there are thoughts, feelings and sensations arising and passing in awareness. There is no apparent separate entity self, me or I who is having the experience. There is no reason to believe that there ever was one.

Can I clarify the word ‘apparent’. Is this a word choice or is there doubt? If doubt what is doubting? Is it conceivable that a reason to believe in a self could arise in DE? Is there any chance there's a non-apparent self?

It is the belief in the existence of separate entity that controls this mind/body and thinks these thoughts.

Can a belief control the body/mind and think thoughts? What is controlling the mind/body? What is thinking thoughts?

Nothing drastic to report, just a few subtle changes can be seen. Less time is spent focused on thought stories, more at ease with presently arising thoughts and sensations. Sometimes there is a sense of peace and stillness in the background. Not feeling that something is missing.

Is it possible for you to expand on this a bit? For instance comparing between before this process and now and the last few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? Can you answer this please.
Love Sarah xx

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

Can I clarify the word ‘apparent’. Is this a word choice or is there doubt? If doubt what is doubting? Is it conceivable that a reason to believe in a self could arise in DE? Is there any chance there's a non-apparent self?

According to the dictionary, here are some synonyms for apparent: visible, discernible, perceivable, noticeable, observable. I may be misunderstanding direct experience! No reason to doubt. If no separate self can be observed in direct experience, there is really no where else to look for one.

Colinm wrote:It is the belief in the existence of separate entity that controls this mind/body and thinks these thoughts.
Can a belief control the body/mind and think thoughts? What is controlling the mind/body? What is thinking thoughts?

Perhaps I should have worded it differently, its not meant to imply that the belief is controlling anything. We could say that there is an assumption that there is a separate entity that controls this mind/body. In reality, actions and thoughts happen automatically, just part of the flow of life.

Is it possible for you to expand on this a bit? For instance comparing between before this process and now and the last few days.

Before this process, there was the belief that I was this body/mind, in control and thinking these thoughts. Now it is seen that the separate self is just a bunch of thought stories that I don't need to buy into.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? Can you answer this please.

Oops, sorry about that! I forgot to paste this one in. No clear turning point comes to mind. The constant reminders to look for this separate self encouraged a more determined focus on present moment experience, looking at what is here and now. At some point things became clearer and perspective shifted a little.

By the way, I'm just as happy to continue our process together if necessary.

Merry Christmas Sarah, thanks for your hard work over the last month. Have a wonderful day off!

Love Colinxx

[Sarah7]

Hi Colin
Welcome!
I have PM'd you. Just to say Thank you so much for you honesty and commitment. It has been a real pleasure working with you.
Much Love Sarah xx

[Colinm]

Hi Sarah,

Many thanks Sarah, you have my deepest gratitude! The work you are doing here is truly awesome!
I'll answer your PM when I get home - no fun typing on a mobile phone!

Much love Colinxx