requesting a guide

[Steve]

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I don't understand this question-- Made me look and start this process or when I realized there is no self?

Made you really look at direct experience and expose the illusion in action.

[journeygirl]

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

When I realized that I don't make actions happen... The thoughts happen after the action. Then I could see that happens constantly. I really saw how nothing was running the show.... or habits were running the show.

Then it really felt like some thoughts were me and some were not me - focusing and believing felt like a choice. Investigating the place where focusing seemed to happen helped too.

Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

I don't decide, intend, choose or control events in my life. There is no self to choose-- all those things happen but it isn't me that does it because there I can't find a Nancy inside this body doing anything.

example: The illusion of me wants to get up early and go to yoga - but that didn't happen- If I was in control of choosing and made the decision to go then I would have went. I would be in control of this life.

Tonight I had some ideas about how to engage clients in their own recovery- It arose - where the heck did it come from?-- I have no idea. I take no credit. Lately, lots of women have been complimenting me about how therapy has been going and normally I would be uncomfortable with it-- and feel either worthy or unworthy for the praise. -- but it didn't. It just was- I felt happiness for THEM- not myself.... and grateful. I feel neutral.

[journeygirl]

Anything to add?

I don't know of anything I could say that wouldn't be a big story...But I will ask for feedback and what's next -- if anything.. and/or suggestions.

[journeygirl]

Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

I wanted to add to this because there could be some interpretation in my last response.

I'm lying in bed right now and thinking about my day.... what am I going to do? Thoughts arise-- go to a meeting, make some bracelets, write, yoga, dancing tonight, lay here longer, drink more coffee, play with cats, do something... anything but get UP now! -- yet I'm not moving. I'm not thinking these thoughts. they are arising- Decisions happen too... (which are just thoughts too) and most times not at controllable times or outcomes. The decision was made to write more here. I didn't make that decision. I just started writing- it came out of nowhere. The same with choice- I didn't choose to write more I just started writing. It just happened. Control--there is no I to control anything. The most obvious is not being able to control the senses. I cannot stop hearing, touching, tasting, seeing, smelling, breathing, my heart beating, thinking, feeling.. and less obvious focusing, talking, belief - it's a reaction to what's happening. It just happens- there is no me saying "say this" and "focus on this" and "believe that". it just happens. Life happens- I don't get it... but that is just a thought. There is nothing that I can see that is making this happen. Thoughts are like ghosts- I cannot find them. they seem to be there but when I look there is nothing there- an imprint comes to mind. a fictitious stamp imprinted then disappears-

[Steve]

Hi, Nancy. Very nice!

What happens next is I ask some of the other guides to have a look at our conversation and see if there are more questions.

In the meantime, if you're interested in joining our Facebook groups, send me your Facebook ID (the part after facebook.com/ in your browser's address bar after you click your name to get to your own page) in a private message. I'll pass the information along. You'll receive invitations once the guides and admins complete their work. (LU has several active Facebook groups for those who have crossed the gate, where investigations and discussions can continue.)

With love,
Steve

[Steve]

Hi, Nancy! The other guides have no questions. Welcome home!

Once the admins have done their work, you'll see your screen name turn blue. This thread will be locked and moved to the Read Only Archives area. Expect some Facebook invites and a PM from me here with a link to further info for the "newly gated."

Love,
Steve

[journeygirl]

Yay -- thank you! I'm forever grateful!