I would love to be guided

[Alastair]

Hi Paulo,

Yes. The illusion of an ‘I’ thought attempting to separate out from experiencing to control a fictitious outcome is seen as an empty vessel occasionally flickering on the surface. The so called ‘self’ is a flavour of thought amongst other thoughts.
It’s not as if I’ve worked it out rationally and intellectually and the final conclusion is ‘There is no-self’. It’s more of a knowing sense. There is no solid foundation to the ‘self’ or ‘I’.

Thanks once again,
Alastair.

[Paulo]

Thanks Alastair,

At this point I would like to invite you once again to answer the group of questions I had presented to you previously. This time of course respond from where you are now, no right or wrong responses here, just focus on your own direct experience and you'll do just fine.

(Again, forgive any overlap or repetition with questions I've asked before)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it?

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you see?

6) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

7) Anything to add?

[Alastair]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

The ‘self’ or ‘I’ has and does exist within the mind as a thought amongst other thoughts. It remains as a useful linguistic convention pointing to a temporary location and ownership of a mind-labelled time/space continuum.
It cannot be located in direct experience. It cannot be felt, seen or heard in the present moment. Outside of this linguistic convention, it simply does not exist, now or at any time in the past.

Alastair.

[Paulo]

Nicely put Alastair, keep going with the questions, and I'll catch up with you when you've finished. and of course if you have any doubts along the way, just let me know and we'll look at them in more detail.

Great work!

Paulo.

[Alastair]

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The use of ‘I’ in language and representation was learned at an early age. That understanding existed in the context of a greater whole of life, living, breathing, talking, thinking, and playing. At some stage a great shock or trauma, or deep misunderstanding occurred between its parents, or loved ones, and oneself, in such a way that there seemed to be a disconnection of that love and security flowing to oneself. This disconnection or break effectively shifted all focus away from the stream of life to the thoughts flowing through the mind, in an attempt, a desperate attempt to overcome the trauma. This sense of loss of love, of not been good enough at ones core became reflected outwards into life in a constant hunt to better oneself, to make things better, to improve oneself, effectively win back approval and love, that total security of the flow of life. It became a striving energy, always looking to change and be something else other than what was happening, what is happening in the moment.

In essence, it’s like the leaves of thought floating in the river of life. In childhood and early years, the whole river, and all the leaves, intermingled and flowed, until it received a shock or trauma, or break. The leaves of ‘I’ developed in separation in an attempt to get back into that flow, or river of life. In fact, that river of life was forgotten, lost, in the struggle to better the ‘I’, to improve the ‘I’, to win back the love it thought it had lost, until eventually, through direct experience and looking, there is the realisation that the leaves of thought are always floating and intermingling in the stream or river of life. The centre of gravity shifts from the leaves to the flow of the river, sometimes churned up with debris, at other times crystal clear. The immeasurable depth and silence of the river becomes the backdrop to all movement and flavours of living.

Alastair

[Alastair]

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels just like looking, like seeing, like hearing, like sensing, feeling, touching, smelling. It’s not as if there’s looking out at something, looking at sensation; it’s just the sensation, looking, feeling, and thinking. In that sense, there is freedom, no longer any constriction to a central location, or point, no longer an attempt to control any outcomes; to push, and shove, and resist what is. It feels like a deep relaxation, letting go at a deep level. There’s a sense of deep silence and depth, never ending.

I noticed a few days ago, while at a Starbuck’s café, where there was a lot of noise in the environment, people chatting, moving about, that there was a sense of deep silence as a foundation to the whole experiencing going on. There was a sense of no longer needing to go to a quiet place, to get away from the world. Simply at the heart of ones being there is silence and depth, and that one’s locus or sense of being is fathomless.

In fact, it feels like no locus point exists. Just looking in direct experiencing without reference to names and labels. The illusion of ‘I’ and ‘me’ does still play out at times, but now it tends to act as a trigger, as if it’s inherently recognised as untrue, ready to be examined from a simple background of direct experience in the moment.

Previously, my thinking would have been pushing, and scrambling to avoid feeling sensations, emotions, and looking out into the world, trying to grasp something, to find meaning out there. There would have been a sense of constriction, tightness, a sense of separation, of not belonging, not been at ease.

Alastair.

[Alastair]

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it?

“Do you feel like a distinct, separate human individual; maybe never really feeling as if you belong, always something more to do, never being truly fulfilled? Well, this illusion of a separate ‘self’ in existence goes to the heart of being cut off from an organic sense of wholeness.
The habitual thinking process works so quickly that labelling and identification occur without the time or space for direct seeing. To recognise that the recurrent sense of oneself is only a set of thoughts needs a more direct approach to cognise our true identity.
The method used is to inquire by direct experience into ones true identity. Direct looking at the on-going experiencing of the moment leads to a collapse in the belief and solidity of a separate ‘self’ or ‘I’. Life continues as it always has, but without a centre or need of any self-referencing to occur.”

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you see?

Most probably the reviewing and letting go of my remaining expectations about the outcome of this process, using the ‘Enlightening Quotes’ app. Also your gentle insistence on returning to direct experience for any answers.

Alastair

[Alastair]

6) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

Please, don’t start me on that! The number of times I’ve butted up against life, ‘choosing’ a direction, only to have it go in a direction it was always going to go in. In a real sense, Life has finally got me to a position to radically lessen any substantial belief in the ego (now seen as a usurper of the throne). So called career choices, life decisions, love relationships etc. have all taken directions of their own, beyond any desires or ‘decisions’ made by ‘me’.
Short answer is no.

7) Anything to add?

Just heartfelt gratitude for everybody involved in LU, particularly to you, Paulo, and to you Ilona (still clocking up the miles with many individuals longing to see beyond their ‘I’s).

Thanks once again,

Alastair.

[Paulo]

Thank you for your final responses Alastair,

It's been an absolute pleasure to guide you through this process. Your hard work, dedication, and sticking with it through good times and bad, are what made all the difference.

The next step is for me to share this thread with other guides to see if they have any further questions for you. This part of the process may take a little while, but I will keep you updated as we progress.

With love, Paulo.

[Paulo]

Alastair, myself and the other guides have no further questions for you. Please check your private messages for more details.

Paulo.