Postby waterdog » Wed Jul 17, 2013 9:35 pm
Hi Jorge!
1) No, there are different bodies and I can feel inside and outside of one body, but there is no seperation between me and life, the other bodies (human, plants and animals, maybe even the rest of the materia, it is only vibrations). This means that what I call I, or the experiencing of things, is really nothing, it is just everything happening together and nothing can be separated or watching from the outside, because everything just is. this also means that there never was a separate entity self. there is no me. there is life. this is.
2) The illusion of the separate self can be the feeling of that something can go wrong and that maybe there is someone to blame. it is feelings and thoughts of identification with feelings or thoughts. it can be memories from the past, maybe something that was painful or stressful or hard to understand and that lingers on in the body and mind. it starts whenever there is a thought or feeling of that there is a separate self. it sometimes makes the heart beat in a stressful way, and the thoughts sometimes get stuck. the illusion of self may create fear because there are feelings of being alone or in the wrong place, and feelings of not relying on the present truth.
3) It feels like all the time there is a way out(/in), an underlying peace, to know that everything I need is right there(/here). Sometimes the thoughts and feelings lingers long away from this and look at totally different things, but there is an extended attention in the backround, like a small knowledge. it feels safe. it can feel like only looking. looking at everything once and never more, forever. on the inside and on the outside, without knowing the difference. there is only one side and it is on the inside and on the outside.
4) One moment that is clear in memory right now is the moment when I was reading something in this dialogue that "I" wrote, and at the same time seeing the picture (in mind) of the body writing that sentence down, and the thoughts inside that head. it was like watching a machine. it was a confused feeling at that time (when writing it), and when looking back at it, it felt very clear and like jumping out in something silent in a movie, that became the now :) like the thoughts had been running around and the body too, without any owner, it was a funny feeling to feel that the thoughts and feeling was running around in the present. like running thoughts of running thoughts, and running feelings of running feelings. and since that running on like a giant snowball. the last bit was also a couple of days watching things happening very slow, and looking for entities everywhere. looking and feeling and thinking, don't really know what happened.
5) No, things happen. or just is. everything are connected and affecting everything and nothing is happening by itself because everything is the same stuff. there can be feelings and thoughts of "trying" or "wanting to control", feelings and thoughts of separation, self or "other people". that too is experience, the present moment. that is. i mean what is, is. at this moment. now writing this. maybe doing it good or bad, but it is the truth, right now. since there is no me, I don't decide or controle anything. only one experience at a time, and only what is is. it is alright and it can not be in another way. there is nothing to achieve or avoid, just is, and never again. only looking! :) without start or endthere
there are memories of trying and thinking of being in control, but those events too are connected to everything, inside life. could never have been in any other way. they are part of the truth because they are part of this, what is.
6) thank you Jorge for this conversation. wanting it to continue. feeling! hello and goodbye :)
Love!
Toma
