There is no "I" or self any where and there never was.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
It starts at an early age. A proficiency in a language with the concepts of personal pronouns and subject-object-verb is essential. The concept of possessions also plays a role as expressed earlier in the doll story.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
When a symbol represents an object in the real environment, the real object loses it's significance. It becomes hollow, it is not seen as something unique and wonderful anymore. So, all these symbols give rise to a whole
imaginary world. A counterfeit mental model of reality with "I" at it's very center. But "I" is unique from all other symbols as there is no counterpart for it in reality. It only makes sense in the interaction between
two or more people, but it takes on a life of it's own. It is there, even when a person is alone and taints every experience.
This illusion makes it very easy to size-up and dismiss others. In an instance I can classify a unique person or thing as this or that and am done with them. However, when it comes to me, I am at a loss as I am at the center of my world. There is no reference point from which to see myself, to recognize myself. This leads to a hole inside that I am compelled to fill with activities and possessions but nothing is ever enough to fill it.
There is a feeling of resignation and contentment. Everything feels slightly different. I no longer feel jaded. There is very little resistance. And more recently, there is a feeling of emptiness.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
A lot of energy seems to have been freed up. What seemed impossible to do before is now effortless. I don't feel shame or embarrassment anymore. I no longer seek approval with the same intensity as before. Other negative emotions have mostly lost their bite. There is more compassion for others and it translates into action. It's becoming easier to recognize the needs of the body as just that. For example, it is very hot at the moment but it is no longer oppressive. I also seem to catch the mind doing it's labeling where previously I would have accepted the label as reality.
It happened for me in two stages. In the first stage I saw the illusion of the mental world and the language based self. The specific moment was when I was asked "Who is protecting the self?". This was what shook the walls of the mental world. This was followed by that it is easy to see the illusion and I truly believed it. That was when the walls came crashing down.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The illusion of self as awareness was chipped at more slowly. "Looking" at "Seeing" and "Hearing" helped in that.
No. Just as seeing is a function that has no choice over what to see, so am I, with no control. Everything is just as it is supposed to be and is unfolding as such.5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Looking back, my whole life up to this moment seems to be an amazing conspiracy of coincidences with little control or choice on my part. Take arriving at this present experience. What happened recently, was that a book that I had read years ago just popped into my mind for no obvious reasons. I found it after some difficulty and re-read it. It mentioned ego as the cause of all the world's ills. With this another term came to me that I had also heard years ago: "Ego-Death". So, I searched for it online and found a link to this forum. There is no way I intended or controlled any of this.
