Ready to dive in...

[ixturtle]

Just an opportunity to recognize how story creeps in when things get busy.

so true. and yet busy is how things are right now.

not much to say here. things are. body here. mind still busy trying to keep everything coming down the pike in check. noticing too that it's all ok.

last night was an interesting experience of "letting it be" and watching a train wreck happen in front of me. some questioning re., if i should have jumped in more? or reflecting, could i still have jumped in less? and yet, experiences arise as a product of conditioning, which calls the "choice" card to be sure. intention to welcome it all; some dread arises of what else this mind sack needs to welcome...

but generally, meat sack is peaceful here too.

best,
r.

[vinceschubert]

love

vince

[ixturtle]

one thing i've noticed, that as much as i felt like i didn't get that much from reading sarah7, rose, and the other woman's (i'm forgetting her name) strings, it did seem to evoke some natural noticing when i wasn't reading. perhaps it's all the multiple pointers from various directions or perhaps it's just that reading those strings kept my attention on the subject for longer periods of time? in any case, i'm wondering if you can suggest some reading to do. one thought was to re-read the gateless gate e-book. or perhaps there are some other useful strings. i've been trying to avoid other reading (other than work related) as per original instructions and a while back in this string eloratea (sp?) suggested that i just stay focused on my own process rather than randomly search other strings, so if that's the continued guidance i will stick to it unless otherwise advised.

and yes, i'm asking because the mind is feeling impatient or that it "should" be doing more, which is just another story.

ok. to bed.

sweet dreams to me; happy waking dreams to you!

--ix

[vinceschubert]

i agree (perhaps because it resonates here) that the reading of anything that keeps focus on the 'gate' is beneficial.
This may be of value; http://www.1ness.info/eq.html
..also picking a thread at random on the forum may reveal some great pointers, as different guides approach this from very different perspectives.

Oh, and this dream isn't always happy, but it's Wonder Full, Great !

Great dream to you...

[ixturtle]

Have read through about half of "enlightening quotes":

Two observations so far...
first is related to fear. thought arises that i must be very far away this here gateless gate as fear of self-dissolution isn't / hasn't been present. the tiny glimpses of seeing that arise are met with ease or surprise, but not fear. of course, "far away" is a concept too. there's just what's here-- including the thoughts about fear and far away. but since in other situations fear arises strongly-- particularly around the protection of the physical body-- so perhaps all this posting back and forth is just splashing around the surface at an intellectual level and meanwhile the nitty gritty truth about "no self" stays safely hidden from view?

there is awareness that this is along the lines of "i'm not doing enough," which you've seen plenty often enough...

second...
"The belief in a “you” that has to protect your interests functions like Velcro. Thoughts stick to this “you” and feed on each other. There is nothing but these thoughts no “you” at their core."

A whole lot of velcro shows up around "if I don't say something about X, then "I" will be taken advantage of (unconsciously or consciously, mostly the former) and "I" will have to live with X forever and ever." There's been some shifting of late where the meat sack reacts, the meat sack "tries" to see how there is no one to be taken advantage of, but then the meat sack can't stand it and goes and says something, and then strangely (here comes the "shift", the reactivity that the meat sack has been encountering for years totally isn't present. so then the meat sack thinks, "it's good to say something." except this "saying something" started out from the belief that there is meat sack, a "ME" to protect from being taken advantage of. (as you can see, a lot of velcro here...)

that's it for now.
peace,
meatsack otherwise known as ix

[vinceschubert]

thought arises that i must be very far away this here gateless gate as fear of self-dissolution isn't / hasn't been present. the tiny glimpses of seeing that arise are met with ease or surprise, but not fear.

There was no fear here either. i think because that was already dealt with over many years of seeking. Did lots of encounter groups, gestalt therapy, psychodrama, and most of the new age psychotherapies back in the 70's and 80's, last century.
Not everybody has fear. Be careful comparing yourself with others. (even if they are only implies in someones writings)

but since in other situations fear arises strongly-- particularly around the protection of the physical body--

There is a healthy adrenaline reaction to certain situations, but excessive fear can of course lead to the opposite of survival. If you fear is excessive then it is because there are stories somewhere behind it.

so perhaps all this posting back and forth is just splashing around the surface at an intellectual level and meanwhile the nitty gritty truth about "no self" stays safely hidden from view?

That may well be the case. How do we find out ? What do we do about it ? Is it part of the process of getting to the nitty gritty ?

"The belief in a “you” that has to protect your interests functions like Velcro.

i have trust that everything works itself out. That like story adds to Reality, That anything i attempt to do, only add to that as interference anyway. This seems to come back to a control issue for you. You are compelled to "push the river" or it won't flow.

a lot of velcro here...

i wonder it there is more that can be done than just Seeing it ?

Don't rush through your reading. Any one phrase has the potential to create a shift. Treat it like a wine or the most exquisite chocolate you have ever tasted and allow each phrase to 'sit' on your metaphorical tongue for as long as you can bear it before swallowing it.

love

vince

[ixturtle]

What do we do about it ? Is it part of the process of getting to the nitty gritty ?

Must be, because there's nothing to "do" here... or more exactly, no "me" to do it... just this conditioning responding to words with more thinking... including, the thought "this answer seems like a cop out." ha ha ha....

Don't rush through your reading. Any one phrase has the potential to create a shift. Treat it like a wine or the most exquisite chocolate you have ever tasted and allow each phrase to 'sit' on your metaphorical tongue for as long as you can bear it before swallowing it.

This is a hammer hitting this nail square on the head. Habit is to read to catch up, to get through, to accomplish "task" set before me. To do what is asked... to please? Thanks for seeing through to this story over here!

peace,
ix

[vinceschubert]

Ix, just bear with me for the next couple of days. This body is having some post operative complications that's screwing with the mind a bit.

love

vince

[ixturtle]

Sending this mind's story of healing, love and appreciation to the body/heart/mind that calls itself Vince. Get well soon!

(And in the mean time this mind intends to chew on the Enlightening Quotes, one bite at a time...)

Peace brother,
ix

[vinceschubert]

i just finished reading this book. Think it might give you a fresh perspective on this.
http://www.thedailybreadcrumb.com/throu ... r-alice-2/

Be back soon. maybe a day or two more...

love

vince

[ixturtle]

Hi vince--
Hope you're feeling better. Thank you for the book recommendation-- strangely enough, I don't really have a heart connection with AIW so when I read the blurb it didn't really grab me. But if you still think it's worth a read, I'll pursue it.

I stumbled last week on Alan Watts' "wisdom of insecurity"-- initially i felt like maybe it was outside the bounds of my LU commitment, but the book might as well be a transcript of LU... right down to the "LOOK!!" I found it wonderful, and still there is this tension between "getting it" in my head, but in a kind of way that doesn't seem to translate into experience. He makes the point that the brain is best used as an organ not a muscle and that focusing and concentrating undermines its natural wisdom. So how to look with out forcing... this seems to be the balancing I'm teetering on/with.

Another thing I noticed recently: when younger I often deeply felt that "I wasn't smart enough" and now with this procss, while I don't have the exact right adjective, I often feel that I'm not... "deep enough?" "wise enough?" "relaxed enough?" Whatever it is, it's ultimately the same ol' story. Yes, STORY.

Off to class-- wishing you well!
Love love,
ix

[vinceschubert]

Hope you're feeling better.

Yes, thank you. Feeling great. Still rehabilitating (passing the old normal yesterday - in new territory.)

Thank you for the book recommendation-- strangely enough, I don't really have a heart connection with AIW so when I read the blurb it didn't really grab me. But if you still think it's worth a read, I'll pursue it.

Nah, don't bother. i just got Jeds new book yesterday. Interesting.
http://www.wisefoolpress.com/ebooks/

initially i felt like maybe it was outside the bounds of my LU commitment,

The only thing that is outside the commitment is to get diverted from the goal. Just bring anything that seems relevant (in experiencing) back here for integration.

So how to look with out forcing... this seems to be the balancing I'm teetering on/with.

The inclination here is to shout at you. Not out of anger, but rather a frustration that you can't see what is 'staring you in the face'. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK ! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOUR ARE SEEING. YOUR NOT JUST LOOKING. THERE IS SEEING. JUST ACCEPT THAT WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT. Call it crap. Call it ordinary, call it peanut butter. Doesn't matter. IT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT, THAT IS TELLING YOU, THAT ITS NOT WHAT IT IS
This is IT !
Only when this is 'lived from', do the shackles fall. It is liberation from the idea that there is More. THERE IS NO MORE. Everything other than THIS, is just an idea. It is story.
There is just this. THIS. Experiencing. It is the only thing that exists. The only true statement that you can possibly make.
Current experiencing is all there is.
THIS experiencing.
Experiencing THIS.
Living from the knowing of this, changes the experiencing of the world.

Whatever it is, it's ultimately the same ol' story. Yes, STORY.

So when you recognise that the story is happening, what is your response ?

love

vince

[ixturtle]

The inclination here is to shout at you.

That's funny because all day today I had this feeling that I was gonna get yelled at here... I've been feeling like yelling at myself.

JUST ACCEPT THAT WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT. Call it crap. Call it ordinary, call it peanut butter. Doesn't matter. IT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT, THAT IS TELLING YOU, THAT ITS NOT WHAT IT IS

ok fine... this is it, shackles around heart/throat included.

what then? i could give you the "right" answers to the final questions but...

So when you recognise that the story is happening, what is your response ?

today? sheer irritation, frustration, exasperation.
so how could THAT be it? oy, too circular, head spinning, heart sinking.

suspicion also arises that if i were to chronicle the ebbs and flows of this string, they would more or less follow the waxing and waning of the meat sack's hormones. what to do with that? besides the point i guess... just part of what's here, more story...

sorry vince, not much to offer right now...

[vinceschubert]

sorry vince, not much to offer right now...

Don't be sorry. We just made a step.

so how could THAT be it? oy, too circular, head spinning, heart sinking.

This is the step.
Disappointing ? That's IT too...
Go with the head spinning.
The trick is that everything is different when you accept that, Yes, even this ordinaryit, is IT.
It's only the acceptance of this, that cuts the bindings to the stories.
Read and re-read that post until your head spins again, then just let go and swim in it.

love

vince

[ixturtle]

Thank you.

Yes, even this ordinary it, is IT

This feels like an onion that I've peeled off several layers over the past few months/years. This round though-- especially re., the "irritation, frustration, exasperation"-- gets at a few thick layers at once.

The only way a moment could be more or less perfect is by comparing it to a story, which isn't real. Without the story, there's just the moment as it is, "perfect", though that's a story too...