Bangaroo, are you ready?

[bangaroo]

Namaste Ilona

'all that is happening is without YOUR management'

and then 'YOU dont exist'

thats a bit confusing for me :)

i pick the REAL, not the 'story'
but the 'story' doesnt leave 'me' alone

Ilona, do you think i'm already enlightened
and did not realise that i was enlightened,
until i bumped into you and your group ????
bcos i really know what you are pointing at,
but am just pretending to be a silly buffalo ;)
or maybe i'm really being a humongously egotistical buffalo ??

[Ilona]

In theory everyone is already enlightened, but in practice only those who crossed the line and seen the absence of controller 'me' that really get what it means to see through illusion.

So in your case, no, you haven't seen it.

Story does not leave you alone because it is about you. You only lives in the story.
There is nothing wrong with the story and it continues.

The point here is to see that story is fiction and 'me' is a fiction. Then there is no need to get rid of story, it's seen for what it is and can be enjoyed.

Tell me is there a you outside the story?

[bangaroo]

Namaste Ilona,

i think what i really am
i.e. a soul (what you
call 'no self') is outside
my story but you are
right i am not able to
see it in my daily life :) :)

[Ilona]

No self is not something. It's not no-self = soul. No no no. It means zero. 0. Nada. Z e r o.

There is no self at all in real life, no you, no I, as a separate entity that is driving the body/ mind. All is happening by itself, regardless what story says.

Tell me what feelings come up when you consider that this is a real possibility.

[bangaroo]

no self = zero. this makes my head dizzy
its not possible in the real world. no no no

there MUST be something. there HAS to be something :)

[Ilona]

does it? nothing means anything. take a look.

[bangaroo]

i see LIGHT Ilona
how can you SAY nothing ?????????

[Ilona]

Do you exist?

[bangaroo]

i dont know
i'm stressed out
so who is stressed out ?

[Ilona]

You don't know? Ha, good place to be. What do you know? Take this seriously. Stressing out iz good at this stage, don't fight it. Yes, stressing out is a sign, that you are entering an unknown. Keep digging.

What is it you know for sure??

[bangaroo]

the one thing i know
for sure is that i
am going to DIE !!!!

do you exist Ilona ??
do YOU exist Ilona ??

and i'm changing my answer - i exist :)

[Ilona]

Perfect.
Yes, that's one thing you know for sure, for sure.
Ok, close your eyes and focus on that feeling I am.
Notice that it's there with or without mind saying it.
Is it personal? What happens if you say 'existence is'. Does existence need I?

Compare to the 'I breathe' thought. Does I do the breathing or breathing happens with or without thinking about it.
Does I do existing or existence is with or without an I?
Can I ever die?

[bangaroo]

existence doesnt need a thought to exist
breathing happens without my thinking about it

the thing is there are 2 i's here
small i = represents body-mind
big I = existence thingy
big I exists always
small i dies
i'm calling existence big I
bcos who is aware that
existence exists.
so existence itself
is aware of its own existence
i.e. its aware of itself. self-aware
or big I is aware of big I

maybe we are talking about the same thing
its like a frenchman and an englishman
talking about a liquid at great length.
they go on describing its properties to
each other. the frenchman insists on
calling it 'eau' while the englishman insists
on calling it 'water'.
its just semantics.

time for me to be quiet

[Ilona]

There is no big or small I, Nogales no real I. No I at all. How else can I spell that so you look for yourself. ??
Zero I. None whatsoever.

Take a look- what is the word I pointing to? If your answer is 'me' then, what is word me pointing to?

[bangaroo]

no i
no I