Please help me - FFS

[Jorge786]

Yeah, I know what I'm looking at is simply life happening - happening to no one - and thought is not going to bring about clear seeing.
Seems I've tried everything though - looking between the thoughts, before them, after them - which arises first sensations or thoughts?

and... yes, the life is simply happening, when the spikes swaying in the wind, there is not need anyone who is there to make it happen, inside you is the same, it's the brain just thinking (and you believe) that there is "someone" who is making things work within you, as you say, "Does not Prove That They are 'my' ...".
An "urgency" is very good, embrace that "urgency", where did it come from?, concentrate on the feeling of "urgency" rather than what it produces.
Is there an "I" who is on "urgency"?

Nah Jorge, I'm convinced I'll never to able to stomach another dose of Adyasillyfuckingnameshanti again - ever!

LOL!, yes... some "teachers" are mawkish. but also someone said "do not look at me, just take what's in my hand"

Best Regards
Jorge

[niall]

Ha, ha 'mawkish' I love it Jorge, yeah.

You know I don't really know where it came from but last night I was considering something that I had read somewhere about the independent nature of thought - how each thought is independent of any other thought, although there appears to be a continuity there (referred to as the mind) and how all thought is happening now with any reference to past or future just being another presently occurring thought.

All this was being considered when things just got very centered - that's the best way I can describe it, things got centered and felt more whole. It was felt that this entire thing that I call 'self' or 'me' is constructed from individual thoughts arising along with felt sensations in the body, the sensations are felt and then the 'I' thought makes an appearance and claims the sensations to be mine.

I know I've considered this before many times but last night there did appear to be a subtle shift in perception - as I say things felt together, all occurring now, nothing outside this experience of here and now. It was subtle but felt very real and I slept very well after it, which isn't always the case, because I can sometimes get so carried away thinking and trying to figure the whole thing out that sleep is affected but last night was different.

Last night there was also the realisation that thought and reality are not the same thing . Thought is constantly trying to claim to know reality but that is not the case.

Thanks Jorge, may post again later.

Niall.

[Jorge786]

Good...
Thoughts are running on their own,
You're not that, which is producing thoughts, that's the brain.
The set of thoughts we call mind, says a lot of things that are false
There is nobody there
Also you are not the "doer" of things, things happen.
Look

[niall]

Good...
Thoughts are running on their own,
You're not that, which is producing thoughts, that's the brain.
The set of thoughts we call mind, says a lot of things that are false
There is nobody there
Also you are not the "doer" of things, things happen.
Look

Yeah there is still the feeling that something subtle has shifted. When I look for the 'I' all that can be found is empty space. But now there's somehow a freedom with it, it's not forced or intellectual as before it's just there - it's undeniably just there and it's seen that it has always been just there. Thoughts are rising in the space but no ones thinking them, as you said, just the brain producing them.
Jesus it does seem something has moved, it just seems clearer. Yeah things are seen but no seer, things are heard but no hearer. Just the experience.

thanks Jorge, just gonna stay with this for a while.

[Jorge786]

Ok... that's correct
if you can go outside, take a walk, see things directly as happen, look to others, just watch, report what you see as you have time and need
Enjoy!

[Jorge786]

Hi Niall, still there?

[niall]

Hi Jorge,

Sorry I went missing for a few days. Frustration. Really thought I was getting somewhere, but that gradually gave way to a feeling of a greater acceptance of life or something, but definitely still a 'me' accepting it, if I'm really honest. This led to more disillusionment, but the looking hasn't stopped. The looking is continuous and tiring.

I don't know Jorge, I've been looking at my expectations again. What do I really expect to find or what do I expect to happen when it's realised that 'I' do not exist? I keep running up against the expectation that things have got to be discernibly different than they were before realisation - is this a mistake and a sticking point What do you think.

thanks,
Niall.

[Jorge786]

Hi Niall!

Nice to have news from you my friend!

Don't stay in frustration or disillusion, stay in the deep acceptance of things as they are, you already are what you're looking for. there is nothing more "beyond" this, this is all, that is, and nothing more.
Drop all expectations about, just accept you are already "there"
You don't exist like an object or a physical thing, you don't exist... period,
Realization of that don't bring to you nothing more, not eternal bliss or something like that... that's only bring the True
I will be with you in this "process" for the time you want.

Greetings
Jorge

[niall]

Hey Jorge,

Great to hear from you again, really.
I hear what you're saying about the deep acceptance of what is.
I've been looking again at what I really consider to be 'me'. What is seen is a load of painful memories and some psycological, even physical pain, that keeps reoccurring in patterns, this is what I very often refer to as being me.
I look at these patterns and refer to them as 'my' life or 'my' history.
It's seems that I've been trying to accept these patterns for a very long time now and getting nowhere.

Another thing I'd like to mention are 'glimpses' of reality that have occurred over the years. I'd best describe these glimpses as feelings really, feelings of wholeness, feelings of all there is being an integrated awareness - that's all that's there and that's more than enough.
But then the glimpses disappear and I find that I'm trying to recreate that integrated awareness. I can't get away from this Jorge - it feels like it's known what's there, but somehow an 'I' has got to recreate it or make it happen and that's the very problem - this 'I' - which doesn't exist, trying to recreate something which doesn't need any recreating!

Hope I'm making sense here Jorge.

All the best,

Niall.

[Jorge786]

Hi Niall!

Good,
so... you are a set of memories, a pain, a history, a pattern?
is that you? really?, it is what you feel like "you"? then... those feelings are you?

please... look deeply... what really you are

explain what you find


Best wishes
Jorge

[niall]

Hi Jorge,

Yes, things became quite centered again yesterday while looking - just the one life experiencing itself in a myriad of different sensations, feelings and thoughts.
At one point today it suddenly became so very obvious - it's the one life - no matter how many different things are happening - the one aware life, nothing else, ever!
Lying in bed last night it suddenly became alright just to leave all the thoughts as they were arising - there's nothing that needs to be done with them and there's nobody there to do anything with them anyway. Thoughts are empty and simply come and go.
Lying in bed the emptiness became very apparent, I see it referred to as the void very often on LU and other sites. I think this was probally the first time I really saw that the void has a real depth to it, infinite.
You ask me to look deeply at what i really am - I am the void, because it doesn't change, everything else is arising and falling away again in the void, but the void always remains. I see the emptiness and fullness of it.
Already thoughts are arising saying, 'yes but there must be more to it than that, if you really saw it, it must somehow be a more dramatic thing then that - but these are just thoughts arising again - in the void. there is only the void.

Cheers for now Jorge.

[Jorge786]

Hi Niall, good job!

yes but there must be more to it than that, if you really saw it, it must somehow be a more dramatic thing then that

ask to those thoughts...
why must be dramatic?, what do you want?
what do you think must be?

it's important to ask...
but i suspect... ;-) the answer is just another thought

I read something in this forum today...

"draw in a blackboard a circle...
that's what you think you are...
now... erase the line
THAT is what you are!"

you may call that... void or emptiness or what you want... i don't know and don't care
the central point is
do you exist in any form, or shape?

Best wishes
Jorge

[niall]

Hi Jorge,

Yes, it was seen again yesterday - just sitting on the sofa when the right arm raised to scratch the right eyebrow. It happened all by itself and for a couple of seconds it was seen that everything just happens like this.
The only way I can describe it is - it all happens in emptiness. I mentioned in last post about the mind demanding things be more dramatic - this stunned the mind, for a couple of seconds, no mind - just emptiness, but with things still happening, no problem. Stunning.
You ask 'do I exist in any form?'. No all there is is emptiness, what was referred to as 'me' is just something happening in the emptiness.

thanks so much Jorge.

[niall]

Another thing that is seen now is that there is nothing that needs to be done.

[Jorge786]

Great Niall!

Yes... nothing needs to be done! great!

what was referred to as 'me' is just something happening in the emptiness

yes again, can you describe how it's feel?

Do you find a "doer"?
it's somebody "doing" things?

another thing
Look at your hand... that hand... is yours?
describe how "you" do experience that hand

Use your direct experience; describes what's happening, how do "you" feel this emptiness
Enjoy

Jorge