AM I?

[AM I?]

I also have a little habit of reading my own posts several times and feeling proud and intelligent. There's too much unnecessary pride in my ego, but I don't know how to get rid of it.

[AM I?]

very often in the night I add up the whole day and I am reminding to myself my conversation with people and I'm happy of the fact 'how cool I AM'
I think way too much about myself and I don't want to do this mainly because it's time-consuming :)

and I'm honest now.

[AM I?]

It's funny, because right now I caught myself on reading my previous posts from this topic. It's like an addiction.

[vinceschubert]

yeah, I think you get it ;)

It's not about me getting it !
It's about you getting it...
If i tell you things then you just collect knowledge. More stuff to think about.
No matter how 'good' the knowledge is, it is just more useless shit!
Go back and re-read my paraphrasing again, and again, slowly, then fast, and again and see if a light comes on for you.

[AM I?]

what's your point?

you paraphased my words to make sure that you are understanding what I'm saying, so... I see that you get it but you don't have cure for that, am I right?

[AM I?]

or maybe your point is that the truth can be seen no matter how much I'm 'blocked'?
or maybe your point is that I should just look and don't listen to you?

[vinceschubert]

but you don't have cure for that, am I right?

Your absolutely correct, i don't have a cure for that, BUT YOU DO!, and i can point you to it (as long as you persist and don't give up)

truth can be seen

There is no such thing as a truth, so how can it be seen?

you paraphased my words to make sure that you are understanding what I'm saying

NO! i paraphrased your words to show you something.
i understood what you meant.
This process is NOT about passing on knowledge or me doing anything to you.
It's about YOU discovering something, and the only way you won't get it is if you give up.
Be frustrated - that's fine.
Be angry - that's fine.
Be disappointed - that's fine.
Be despondent - that's fine.
Be depressed - that's fine.
These are all games your thoughts are playing with you to attempt to stop this process.
Just hang in there and you WILL get it !

Now go back and re-read my paraphrasing again with the idea that there is a hidden message there for YOU!
Notice your thought processes as you do it, then post what happens.

[AM I?]

I don't get it, I'm confused... but that's fine ;)

[vinceschubert]

Yes confused is fine, temporarily.
What don't you get ?
i take it that you re-read the paraphrasing but no light came on for you.
Then let's come at it from a slightly different angle;
Those thoughts, are they owned ? and where did they originate ?

[AM I?]

My thoughts are seen by me.
I am seeing my thoughts.
I feel connected with them. I feel that there is an 'I' which is interconnected with all my sensations. Here I am.
You cannot destroy me.

[vinceschubert]

Good to see you back Bartek.

You cannot destroy me.

You are right, you cannot be destroyed.
But i can know what is true in you.
And i can know what is false in you.

Bartek, is it true or false that you can identify the 'me' that is talking ?
If you say yes, then show it!
Describe it and what part thoughts play in it.

[AM I?]

jesus, it is boring.

i believe that seeing the truth will be hard for me, or even impossible.
maybe because i'm little depressed

i also have the feeling that i don't understand that 'no-self thing', despite of countless hours spend on reading no-self theory, i feel lost, but i will try to see the case, not because i believe that i will see it eventually, but because i'm little addicted to that idea.

it's hard to even ask you a question. i know everything and i don't know a thing.

[vinceschubert]

jesus, it is boring.

Great ! boring is excellent !
Boring is a very powerful mind ploy to get you to stop. When mind is threatened, it tries in any way it can to change the focus back to the familiar.

i believe that seeing the truth will be hard for me, or even impossible.
maybe

... another mind ploy.
What is belief? - it is thoughts held by mind. Thoughts that thought think is true.

i also have the feeling that i don't understand that 'no-self thing'

It's good that you don't understand it. Understanding is a thing of the mind. Thoughts.
We use thoughts as a vehicle but the destination is not mind (more thoughts)
When it happens you will SEE the false. That's all it takes. There is nothing you can DO to make Seeing happen. You just have to look in the right place and you will See it.

i'm little addicted to that idea.

Yes, seeking is addictive. (i was a seeker for 45 years)

it's hard to even ask you a question. i know everything and i don't know a thing.

This is brilliant!
This tells me that you are skipping along the verge.
Now, welcome your depression.
It is mind stuff as well as body stuff. Welcome it as your friend. It is trying to tell you something.
Get into the feeling while at the same time watch your thought processes.
Tell me what thoughts arise as you do this.

[AM I?]

This is brilliant!

Great !

everytime you're praising me I get a feeling of 'being closer to the truth', but right after that I feel cheated by your ego, I feel that you're trying to persuade me in some way the truth by this kind of psychological tricks.

Thoughts that thought think is true.

yeah, I get it, there is a space of thoughts, but these thoughts aren't existing in a physical dimention. these thoughts are neurological process. but they exist... and if no one is experiencing them, then why there's a feeling of this 'background' ? of this 'consciousness space' on which thoughts are playing? I feel that space, and I feel the sensations interconnected with that 'playground'. I feel that I AM the mixture of that both aspects of reality.
I AM THE OVERLAP of yin and yang or whatever... well I'm still here and I'm stuck.

There is nothing you can DO to make Seeing happen.

I've felt some pleasant, comfort feeling when I read that.

I have no impact on my life which isn't even mine.
I feel that everytime I do something wrong, I could be sure that it isn't my fault. guilt is only a feeling. that's all.

This tells me that you are skipping along the verge.

yeah, for a few years ;)

[vinceschubert]

everytime you're praising me

Bartek, why would i praise a character in a story?
It is your thoughts that took it as praise for an I, so that it could react to it.
i was saying that this indicated that you were looking in the right direction.

i have to drive 4hours down the road now, so i'll be back after that.

i noticed that you didn't answer my questions in the last couple of posts.
Will you do it please.