Once again, fuck...

[AM I?]

Back in the RT days everyone seemed to 'pop' at one moment.
Sometimes after few days, sometimes after few months.

Here, every liberation seems to happen gradually, which doesn't convice me.
Is this the same kind of liberation?

Anyway I'm still in my shit. I surrended, I feel unable to liberate, I have no faith.

Everything disgust me.
Liberation, books, movies, people, ambitions, my instruments. 0 motivation.

1. I agree to post at leasst once a day
2. I will answer to questions
3. I will answer honestly (Honestly, sometimes I literally don't know if i'm honest, I will let you know)
4. and so on
5. and so on
6. and so on
and so on

I know the rules.

[AM I?]

I don't know what the self is.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hey,

Some do "pop" in a moment, but that moment just took 2 weeks to get here. Traffic and that.

Anyway, where are you at, as they say. Have you been to LU before...you seem to "know the rules". :)

Best wishes,
John

Back in the RT days everyone seemed to 'pop' at one moment.
Sometimes after few days, sometimes after few months.

Here, every liberation seems to happen gradually, which doesn't convice me.
Is this the same kind of liberation?

Anyway I'm still in my shit. I surrended, I feel unable to liberate, I have no faith.

Everything disgust me.
Liberation, books, movies, people, ambitions, my instruments. 0 motivation.

1. I agree to post at leasst once a day
2. I will answer to questions
3. I will answer honestly (Honestly, sometimes I literally don't know if i'm honest, I will let you know)
4. and so on
5. and so on
6. and so on
and so on

I know the rules.

[AM I?]

Hello!

(sorry for my 'little' mistakes in grammar & style)

Yes I have been here before http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... ?f=4&t=239

Since the 1st of 2013 I often feel peace in myself which extends out of me.
Sometimes there's small pressure on the top of my head.
Once I had tingling in my right hemisphere and I'm having electrified feeling on my whole body daily, but it's normal I think.
I started to exercise more, I'm eating better, I stopped to eat bread and sugar products, I eat more apples for example, and I drink much more mineral water.
I also started to taking higher doses of Vitamin C, like 2000 mg daily and Valeriana when there are too many thoughts tangled.
Meditation is much much easier.
All of that helped me a lot to gain temporary inner peace and passion for playing an instrument.

But it has nothing to do with the main subject of this conversation, which is me.
I still feel that I'm here. "I'm" almost sure that "I am".

I cannot focus on my 'soul'.
My 'soul' has probably no form.
But I cannot look at the place where my soul should be.
And it should be obvious where that place is, because it's everything that I am.
Umm... yeah, I tried so much to liberate, so now I really don't want to bother to fight with my mind and throw out the ego or whatever.
(wow, long sentence, idk if correct). I am demotivated. Fuck it https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... VEBWHZevXY
But do not misunderstand me - I really want my motivation back, but I don't know how.

For example I feel that I exist as an action/ a relation. My 'influence' is me.
'Taking a cup of green tea' - this is me. All those manual 'doings', all 'verbs' are me.
There is no me inside of a doing, but 'the doing' is me. Got it? ;)

I exist probably as a concept. I don't know how to look, but sometimes - I know... (yup, you can sometimes know something and then 'unknown' it)
So when I look there is a weak feeling of trying to get out of my body, excitement, and feeling of weakness and irritation.
The whole process is like 5 seconds and then I cannot back to that state.
It's always like that and it started to be more frequent when I discovered Ruthless Truth 2 years ago, I think.

So what do you think, John?


(and thanks! :) )

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hello,

But it has nothing to do with the main subject of this conversation, which is me.
I still feel that I'm here. "I'm" almost sure that "I am".

What's your evidence for feeling sure that "You are" here? A feeling? Is that it?

With best wishes,
John

[AM I?]

That question makes me confused. Yes, it looks like the feeling is the only evidence.

I'm Bartek btw.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Bartek,

That question makes me confused. Yes, it looks like the feeling is the only evidence.

I'm Bartek btw.

Probably a stupid question. I have them in my repertoire. :)

"I'm" almost sure that "I am".

What causes you to doubt that "you" are real and existing? Has there been a glimpse or more than a glimpse of your complete absence?

With kind thanks,
John

[AM I?]

Glimpse? Sometimes I felt that 'there is only experience' in front of my eyes, but it was very short.

I don't remeber the feeling of 'complete absence' and I can't imagine it.

[s-p-a-c-e]

So Bartek,

Glimpse? Sometimes I felt that 'there is only experience' in front of my eyes, but it was very short.

I don't remeber the feeling of 'complete absence' and I can't imagine it.

Can you imagine that you are a made up story?

With kind thanks,
John

[AM I?]

Let me think:
World War II - that is not made up story.
My life - that doesn't seem to be made up story. It's true story also.
Character is made up, but the story is real.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Bartek,

Let me think:
World War II - that is not made up story.
My life - that doesn't seem to be made up story. It's true story also.
Character is made up, but the story is real.

How can the story be real when the character is made up and part of the story?

Thanks,
John

[AM I?]

well fuck :D
I don't know how
It looks fucking real
people are real

I don't know how to grasp it.

[s-p-a-c-e]

well fuck :D
I don't know how
It looks fucking real
people are real

I don't know how to grasp it.

It's not graspable. Oh double fuck. :D

[AM I?]

So nothing's graspable.
Everything flows.
So what?
Should I smoke some shit to see that or what?

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Bartek,

So nothing's graspable.
Everything flows.
So what?
Should I smoke some shit to see that or what?

Just so you know where we're going here. It's not graspable like this:

Go to grasp a pen and hold it.

In that experience, it may feel and seem like YOU GRASPED THE PEN.

Where we are going, this experience would be known and described as more likely as, "THE PEN WAS GRASPED BY NO-ONE".

That's the clear difference here.

Is there a readiness to see you don't exist as a separate self, to not grasp pens, not write posts on Liberation Unleashed?

With best wishes,
John