how to wake up

[Esther]

Dear Ilona,

How does it feel to be liberated?

Last night I woke up several times feeling an overflowing happiness, felt like a lightbulb in bed!
Also a bit cautious, is this it? But that question evaporates as quickly as it comes up.
It's like feeling really great about something without a cause. Without the feverish quality of being happy about something.
And also there's a feeling of simplicity, of just being where I am (in this case at the kitchen table), there's no story running along. Although thoughts come up about people, or things I have to do, but they still feel like loose images, they are not connected. You were right, nothing changes and yet it feels so different.

What was the last barrier between fantasy and reality? What made you look?

What made me look was your remark about me not being my doubts.
I felt I was still clinging to something, but didn't know exactly how. Suddenly I realized that I 'owned'
my thoughts, like they were my own doing and I had to stop listening to them...Although I had been reading and hearing about this hundreds of times, I didn't really get that. So by answering your question, and formulating how it honestly felt for me, this became clear.
Then you asked: I is a thought. Can a thought think?
Ofcourse the answer was no. And then I saw there is no coherence, no reality in thought. And that 'self' is nothing but a believe in that coherence. I never saw it like that. I was confused about what was meant with I.

I want to thank you so much for your loving, sharp and direct answers and remarks. They pointed me exactly to where I had to look.Thanks for your time!
Really really happy about it!!!

[Ilona]

You are very welcome Esther! i'm so happy that i could assist you :))

i have only one question left for you. How would you explain this to somebody (friend) who never heard about this before?

[Esther]

Hi,
Just sinking in this new experience of no self. A bit hard to explain but you probably know what I mean. It's like
some inner noise fell away and suddenly it's silent and simple. But it also feels vulnerable in a sense that I have not much to say about it. Just experiencing this for now..which feels so good.
Your question is one I want to answer, but I also feel it's good to to just experience this for now before I put it into words. Let you know when I'm ready,
much love,
Esther

[Ilona]

oh yes, let it sink in. :) please take your time and answer when ready.
lots of love.

[Esther]

OK!

[Esther]

Hi Ilona,
After my initial 'seeing' that there is no I, and the sudden silence in my head I experienced, I find myself now in a storm of thoughts, sometimes fear coming up...yes, my 'self' again, believing in this I construction...Woah, that really depressed me this morning.
Feeling trapped in fantasy, knowing it's not real. Could you please help out?
love,
Esther

[Ilona]

Dear Esther, yes doubts come back as cleaning up process starts. All conditioning and programming that was connected to the I thought has to be cleaned up. Just like after a storm there is lots of rubble. Mind is seeking to be hooked up with I again, but it's not there anymore. So the structure, habits of thinking is starting to fall.

Good thing is- all is happening by itself, no matter what you think about it. So trust the process, and examine the old beliefs, check if they can stand the fire of truth.

Doubt? Yes, it's a friend, welcome it. It's here to point to areas that haven't been looked at yet, so follow the doubt to it's source, show the mind again and again, that there is no one here to doubt. doubt is appearing so resolution can be achieved.


It would be great if you joined unleashed group on fb, are you on Facebook already?

[Esther]

Thanks for your words. Yes, it feels exactly like that: mind trying to hook up with I again.
Although there's nothing to hook up with, they still suggest there is one and arouse feelings of fear or whatever old conditioning there is.
OK. thanks. I'll trust the process and follow the 'doubts pointers'..

No, I'm not on Facebook yet. But maybe I should. I'll get into that.
love,
Esther

[Esther]

Just made an account on Facebook and requested to be a member.
Esther