Would you describe this "disconnection" as an existential hole ?
there's an existential quality to it but it's tightly interwoven with old stories-- more helpless than purposeless, really, though there is purposelessness too. it has receded a bit through no doing of my own. like the tide.
'jumping' has a sense of willingness, where as the cliff requires complete victim status.
yes, could see the victim status quite vividly.
easy to experience hand off tiller as having a victim quality, but instead you point to more a sense of "WHEEEE!" sometimes that sense is accessible and sometimes it isn't.
'celebration' days are a good reminder to celebrate EVERY day.
when the WHEEEEE is here, i feel and know and practice this (and preach it from the mountain tops). when it isn't, there's more a sense of drowning. i suppose SEEing would be able to include both of these... as you said before, both are legitimate.
funny thing was just the other day in the shower i said to myself that i was ready to say YES to whatever showed up and then a small ego thing happened that triggered a ginormous NOOOOOOOO! and then there was judgement for the "no", and a slip sliding into quite the abyss of old resistance and new resistance, all wrapped up in SELF SELF SELF SELF.
the photo of course is very sweet, and also a trigger of its own-- ha ha ha.
so ready to be done with this. if there were a door marked "jumping door" i would no hesitate. fear is not the obstacle, confusion is (though perhaps confusion is a mask for fear?) you would say the door is simply here and now, or this is it. but how to jump into what's already here?
i'm not much of a pray-er, but how does that figure in?
