Please answer in detail, each question, honestly and earnestly, and refer to direct experience. If the questions requires analysis and
speculation, start with direct experience, here and now first, then let thoughts flow.
Sounds good comsiK.
1) Is there a 'me' or 'you' or 'I' , at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
Can there ever be?
There is no 'me', 'you', or 'I', as there is no separation between things. We can speak of 'me', 'you', or 'I' and know with approximately what eachother is saying though. I can talk about cosmiK or Al, and you know who and what I am talking about.
Fundamentally what we understand, though, is that calling me "Al" is like calling my big toe "Fred". Sure, there is this thing, my big toe, and we can name him, but if you cut off my big toe, it won't have a purpose, and it definitely won't be "me". Just like if you try to define "Al" separate from everything else, "Al" is completely meaningless.
I could have been named "Ralph". Would I "be" "Ralph?" No. Just as certain as I am not "Al". That is simply a name given to this thing which is inseparable. "Al" never existed in a meaningful sense and never will.
1.5) When you say "I", what in Experience are you referring to?
A thought, at this moment, at this place, at this time. And perhaps a thought about a thought about a thought about a thought. Which is still a thought.
1.7) is there a knower/knowing that is apart from that which is known?
There is "knowing", which is a thought. And yes, there can be a thought about a thought. But there is no abstract "ego", or "consciousness" which is intrinsically separable from everything else. But then again, there is nothing that is intrinsically separable from anything else.
Even the thought!
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
When we are born, we are given a name. We are told that we exist, as separate from our thoughts and experience. There are events which are attributed to us, which are labeled by our parents as "good" or "bad". Thought chains begin with the thought that we are a separate person (i.e. a thought about a thought about a thought, which is just a thought. We are judged for what happens, even though in reality, there is just thought, and experience.
I'm am told "such and such is bad" as a child. But I can't control it. I can tighter my muscles, and feel more tension, but I have no real control. Sometimes things happen which are labeled "good", sometimes things happen when are labeled "bad". We are told life is a product of our choices. But who is making those choices? We are simply experiencing thoughts about what is happening. When we finally realize what is going on, we could suspect that everything would suddenly change. But it doesn't. What changes is just how we perceive it.
3) How does it FEEL to See? describe in detail.
There are sensations, which are thoughts, and thoughts about the prior thoughts. We can "see", but this is really a thought about sight.
A cat sees in a very different method than a human. Would you say a cat doesn't see and we do? Or that we don't see and a cat does? One could say that there is just a difference of experience. Or difference of thoughts about the experience.
There can be the thought "bombs dropping on buildings", and a thought can be "how terrible!" A thought can be "how cool!" A thought can be "Fantastic, I am beating my enemies!" A thought can be "such is the nature of humankind." A thought can be "thank god this is fake and not real!" But it's all thoughts about thoughts. The seeing is not different. And the seeing is not the root of the thought.
As a baby we don't think thoughts of separation. Until we are told, and trained to think thoughts about separation. Seeing is just looking at it. Looking is a thought about what exists at one place, one time, in one perspective.
4) How would you describe the illusion of the separate self to somebody who was interested about it?
I'll repeat what broke the illusion of separate self for me: Do you think you came into this universe, like a bird flies to a tree? Or do you believe you came out of this universe, like an apple grows out of the tree? Of course we came out of the universe. The earth is the tree, and we are the apples. Since we grow out of the earth, from the inside, rather then the outside, we are not separate from it, but a part of it, like an apple is to an apple tree. It could seem as separate, but it is a part of the same process.
Our problem, is that we come to believe that "thinking" is us. Is beating of the heart us? Most people would say "yes, of course." But we don't make our heart beat with thought. It's one of the most important things that happen in our body, yet if we had to control it through thought, we'd die, because we couldn't beat it the correct way every moment. Thoughts are flighty. We've come to believe the thought is
everything. But it's quite limited, and only a small piece of this human organism, which is really not distinct from its environment at all.
The closer you try to examine the separation from person and the environment the person is in, the more you see that it is inseparable. We can't accurately talk about a person separate from the air the person breathes, the ground the person walks on, the light coming from the sun the person uses to see, and which keeps the person warm. It's all one process, and you can't separate it in any meaningful way.
So let's look at thoughts. Do we control our thoughts? Absolutely not! We can't stop ourselves from thinking, because there is no thinker separate from the thoughts. There are just thoughts.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? explain the transformation/recognition.
I started meditation, where the purpose is "no mind". The ironic thing, is that there is never "no mind", because there is just thoughts.
Thoughts continue to arise. "I" can't control the thoughts, because there is no "I", simply thoughts.
Alongside meditation, I began listening to Alan Watt's lectures. The combination of what I was beginning to realize in meditation and the way Alan Watt's describes the illusion of separation started to have a radical impact on the way I thought about things.
And there was no denying it.
Finally, one day, it hit. It was like a "pop". It was like a feeling of letting go of everything for the first time in my life. It was a giddy experience, and felt like I was floating on air. This lasted a couple of weeks, and then I began to question what had happened, which led me here.
6) describe the difference before seeing, at the moment of seeing, and after seeing? describe the key differences.
Oh Wow. I used to be a very anxious person. I felt like I always had to plan things to be perfect. Life felt planned, in every moment.
And I was frustrated if things didn't go to plan.
I don't have the sensation of being the captain of the ship anymore, which is a very calming sensation. It just goes on. "I'm" not typing this email, but the email is being typed. The thing drives itself. It's quite incredible. And sometimes there can be thoughts like I'm captain of the ship and making things happens, but "Al" is not doing it. And the only "I" that is doing it is the inseparable I. Which is not "Al", but which is the thing that is unnamed, the Tao, The Universe (one thing), God, Yá Bahá'u'l-Abhá, Para Brahman, what ever you want to call it.
There isn't the reaching for things that I used to have. If I meditate, I just sit. I'm not seeking anything. Just sitting. When I work, I'm not attached to the results. I find myself working. Working has results. People say I'm doing great, and I don't get a big head about it. People tell me I need to improve, I listen, and naturally by them telling me, the course is changed, but it touches no ego, because there is nothing there. Sometimes some people say things, and I have an angry reaction to it. The anger is let out, and then goes away. It
isn't stuck in a chain of anger. Thoughts don't compound on thoughts on thoughts, creating cycles. Things are experienced and on it goes.
7) in what ways has Seeing changed 'your' life? what impact will this have on your life?
It feels like nothing has changed. But of course so much has changed. Mostly I now don't spend too much energy getting caught up in a particular thought. It's just a thought. There is thinking about something, doesn't mean I need to get stuck on it and there is no need to have more thoughts about the past thought.
7.5) now that you see that 'you', the first person character at the core of life, isn't, what do you see when you see 'others'?
explain in your own words from your direct experience.
I see myself in them. It's like a reflection of a reflection. Now that I'm not looking strongly for someone there, it feels natural. I'm not hung up on how people are thinking.
Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me.
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand
The best I can.
8) what if i told you LU was a persuasion cult and we have just got you to believe that "there is no self". How would
you respond?
I would say of course LU is a persuasion cult. What a crock it would be if LU wasn't a pursuasion cult! You go to a Chinese Mandarin language school to learn Mandarin Chinese. How upset would you be if they taught you Spanish. You go to a place of liberation to become liberated. Not
everyone wants to be liberated. Some people very much like the feeling that they are in control of the things around them. This cycle of feelings of control is important to them.
One goes to the place to become liberated when one is ready for liberation. Just like the teacher appears when the student is ready.
9) do you have any comments about my guiding, what you feel was effective/ineffective, and something that you would have
liked to have seen in it?
When the match lights the flame, do we question the match? :)
Keiji, a long-time Zen student, approached his master and said: “I don’t see how there can be any enlightenment that sets you free once and for all. I think we just get ever greater glimpses of Buddha-nature, the vastness that is our true Reality. It’s an ever-expanding process.”
The master, looking penetratingly at Keiji, replied. “That may be what you think. But what is your experience, your experience right now?”
Keiji looked momentarily confused. “My experience right now, Master?” “Yes. Do you know yourself as Keiji, having ever-expanding experiences of Buddha-nature? Or do you know yourself as Buddha-nature, having the experience of Keiji?”
With much gratitude,
iamthat
