Who is it that is aware self is an illusion?

[Neal]

"With 'Neal' gone, what's left?"

There never was a Neal per se to begin with. What's left is what there already was: awareness. The rest was a collection of thoughts, feelings, memories and so on building upon each other into a history mistaken for a distinct entity at the center of experience.

[Neal]

In other words, life is not "happening to me". That would imply a person separate from and preceding life. "Me" or "who" is not really other than experience; There is simply the experience.

[Neal]

"What I would like you to do for the next day or so is to just be with it and report the experiences in and around life, alone and with others."

I feel less stressed because I am now more aware of how harshly I had been judging myself for the longest time. So far, those judgements no longer hold power. I've simply dropped them. They may start to creep back in at some point.

I feel as if "my" personhood is more natural, ironically, that personhood is not the end-all be-all or a great obstacle or some problem to solve. Personhood is just another part of this experience of living, a bigger part perhaps, but not the central focus.

Before, there was a person and then everything else. Now there is everything. There has been a subtle shift, subtle but meaningful.

[Neal]

Being aware of the identification with past suffering, letting go of that identification, the mental assembly of ideas labeled "self" collapsed like a house of cards.

There was no self seeing/understanding through "its" thoughts. That was the misperception giving thought such seemingly tremendous power and allowing it to keep feeding on itself.

The self was not the solution-seeker. It was the problem.

Like a saboteur working in a factory or a backstabbing "friend", you are literally your own worst enemy.

[Finoh]

Hi Neal,

Firstly thanks for all the effort you have put into this looking. You have posted some wonderful responses parts of which I will more than likely steal to use on other people I am guiding.

At this stage only 1 question has come up from the other guides.

"With 'Neal' gone, what's left?"

There never was a Neal per se to begin with. What's left is what there already was: awareness. The rest was a collection of thoughts, feelings, memories and so on building upon each other into a history mistaken for a distinct entity at the center of experience.

By awareness do you mean as a noun or a verb?

Cheers

Ian

[Finoh]

Hi Neal,

I am now more aware of how harshly I had been judging myself

Not much point now judging harshly the 'I' or 'me' when there isn't one.

The self was not the solution-seeker. It was the problem.

Like a saboteur working in a factory or a backstabbing "friend", you are literally your own worst enemy.

How true is this!! The thing that causes us the most suffering is the thing we pay the most attention to and it is not even real.

Cheers

Ian

[Neal]

Hi Neal,

Firstly thanks for all the effort you have put into this looking. You have posted some wonderful responses parts of which I will more than likely steal to use on other people I am guiding.

At this stage only 1 question has come up from the other guides.

"With 'Neal' gone, what's left?"

There never was a Neal per se to begin with. What's left is what there already was: awareness. The rest was a collection of thoughts, feelings, memories and so on building upon each other into a history mistaken for a distinct entity at the center of experience.

By awareness do you mean as a noun or a verb?

Cheers

Ian

Re-use anything written in this thread if you think it will help.

Awareness is not a person or place or thing or idea. Awareness is essentially effortless and selfless. It is not being done by other. It is beyond both sign and signifier.

In reality, person and place and thing and idea are all one and the same.

I've been feeling intense emotions today...

[Finoh]

Hi Neal

I've been feeling intense emotions today...

Is there an "I" feeling intense emotions or are there just 'intense emotions' - thoughts, sensations.

Cheers

Ian

[Neal]

Hi Neal

I've been feeling intense emotions today...

Is there an "I" feeling intense emotions or are there just 'intense emotions' - thoughts, sensations.

Cheers

Ian

They are just emotions but intense. They were brought on by thoughts of a family member who died last year. It's manageable.

[Neal]

I'm keeping at the observation method although the possessive thoughts continue.

[Neal]

The thoughts are empty of self.

[Neal]

Thought is just thought. How can you own a thought? Who is owning it?

Thought fosters identity, yet is empty of self. Naming until the names seem like a world all their own. Those judgments and attachments are ephemeral, claiming and claiming endlessly, weaving a story and luring attention until all there is to see is obscuration. So SEE it. Look at the story. Look right through it.

Thoughts are like traps that make what they catch: itself. Awareness is always always always beyond self.

[Neal]

Awareness precedes thought. If thought is the basis for all forms of identification, then the self always arises dependent on awareness. Awareness is the absolute context in which relative self appears.

[Finoh]

Hi Neal,

One of the guides has asked for an answer to question 6.

6) Describe the difference before seeing, at the moment of seeing, and after seeing? describe the key difference?

This question centres around the point that you saw there was no "I". That sudden realisation there is no I or me. Keep the language simple as some who are reading this are not native English speakers. Guides are scattered all around the globe, many countries and many timezones.

Cheers

Ian

[Neal]

Before seeing, there seemed to be a self who thought. During seeing, self is seen to also be a thought. After seeing, thought is just thought.