What am i?

[Idk]

It’s been quite a while. I probably shouldn’t have disappeared for this long, especially since I did promise to answer the questions. But throughout this time, I kept having this feeling that if this is all there is, and there’s nothing beyond it, then what’s even the point of doing the techniques? The longer I put off asking myself this question, the more I felt like I should finally answer the questions, but some kind of feeling that it was all pointless (?) kept stopping me from replying. Then yeah, I’m honestly just confused about what to do in this situation.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

It’s been quite a while. I probably shouldn’t have disappeared for this long, especially since I did promise to answer the questions. But throughout this time, I kept having this feeling that if this is all there is, and there’s nothing beyond it, then what’s even the point of doing the techniques? The longer I put off asking myself this question, the more I felt like I should finally answer the questions, but some kind of feeling that it was all pointless (?) kept stopping me from replying. Then yeah, I’m honestly just confused about what to do in this situation.

Can you see what is going on here..... this is all thoughts, looping constantly. This thought looping, plus unexplored feelings plus more thoughts, plus a time-bound narrative continuously playing the same script.

I kept having this feeling that if this is all there is, and there’s nothing beyond it,

Since when did a feeling have something to say? It is not a feeling, it is a thought.
And if there is a thought saying it feels pointless, then go to the feeling.

How does it feel? Where are the body sensations located? Are they static or do they move around.
Emotions = Energy in Motion. Can you stop giving attention to thoughts and give attention to body sensations instead.
Yes, it might feel intense.
Yes, there might be frustration,
Yes, there might be anger,
Yes, there might be grief
To name a few. FEEL what is there.

then what’s even the point of doing the techniques?

"You" are absolutely correct; for that illusiory "you" there is no point at all for "you" are never going to get anything. THERE IS NO YOU in the way you are still wanting to believe.

I’m honestly just confused about what to do in this situation.

There is nothing that "you" can do, "you" do not exist!

This was what you wrote in your first post:

What do you expect from a guided conversation?

To be honest, i’d prefer it to be as quick as possible, i don’t really like long drawn-out conversations. For me 3-5 months feels a bit too long. Ideally, would be great to understand the concept and reach the “enlightenment” so to speak, or more likely “freedom” within a month or so. 2 months would also be fine for me

Is there still an expectation of some "enlightenment"? Enlightenment for "whom"? If there is no actual separate self that can be found anywhere then how can there be enlightenment for someone? Someone has to be there to say "I am enlightened." Do you want trust stories that you have read or heard reported by other people? Wouldn't it be better to rely on your own direct experience. There is just THIS, what is found in your direct experience, nothing else.

Are you looking to defend seeing a "self?" Or looking to see there is no "self?"
Please answer this question honestly.

Believing is seeing. You can continue to believe the story of self forever and nothing I or anyone say will dissuade you. You have done the exercises over and over and never found a separate self that exists, what more proof do you need? If there is still an insistence on holding on to the story of "I" or "me", then so be it.

Once again, take a look at this exercise:

WATCHING THOUGHTS
Sit quietly for about 15 minutes and notice any thoughts arising.
Just let them appear as and when they appear, try your best to not pay attention to what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are thoughts coming from and going to? (Please do not give a conceptual answer)

Is it possible to track the appearance of thoughts coming and going?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Yes or No (Do not think conceptually about this!)

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

What can a thought do i.e. does it have agency?

Can a thought think another thought?

Can a separate thinker be found separate from thinking?

Does the thought "I" or "me" or "my" refer to an actual separate entity that can do something?

Does the thought "I" or "me" or "my" refer to anything other than thought content, looping thoughts that refer to other looping thoughts about the past or unfulfilled expectations about the future?


Warm regards,

Rowena

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

It has been quite a while and so I thought I would write and see what was going on with you regarding this exploration we have been doing over the past months.

It could be that interest had dropped, and that's perfectly normal, the motivation for beginning something normally includes a sense of gaining something or achieving something, and what we have been doing is a kind of reverse process of falling away of illusions and this can seem to be disappointing and unsettling. When looked at through the lens of direct experience such thoughts, if they are present, can be seen as empty as there is no separate "I" or thinker that can claim them.

There might be sensations arising, also labelled as "disappointed" but sensations do not say what they are about, they are simply felt energetic movements of sensation that thinking then labels as pleasant or unpleasant.

If you have time, I would love an update from you so you can share how you are doing.

With warm regards,
Rowena