H&H (Hello and Help) :)

[Eloratea]

Thank you too :)

Is it seen that this imaginary division between "me" and "myself" is a bit insane leading to experiencing all kinds of insane divisions between "us" and "them"...?

[Zmay]

I don't know, just can tell what is....3xthanks was for 3xperfect coments...

First nail was,

Don't be satisfied with defining your self as something. :)
Do you have to define your self? Do you need to be something?

, I can not see deper, but it is not necessary to, there is no need for defining,...what is there to define :-).
Second nail was the idiotic belife...

You don't have to wait till total exhaustion and hopelessness happens.

...I really don't have to, how moronic :-).
Third nail and final one

Just dare to look into this simple looking which is happening right now and always; and can be sensed in open space behind your eyes.

....

I was some time circelling arround that perfect facts...and the rest of what you saied....more and more it was felt...usually I was in a dark hole behind my eyesockets...and it kind of lifted. Everything kind of was also on this side of the hole...just a thin foil with a hole....and life on boath sides...

It felt wide and in this wideness was wind and talk, and sounds and whatever was happening then...I tried to find me, but it was nowhere to find. It become more and more obviouse. I forced some questiones...but they slipped....were not important.

Of course I tried to match what is happening with my so called knowledge...I have difficulties with it. I always waited for a big bang...that was nothing like that....I even don't know if it is that...I just know that a lightness is inside, world seems like a funny game, in the late afternoon I began laughing of the stupidity of myself while bathing.

Something happened, but very subtle...I really don't know if it is that. It feels very good though. I don't see the I but there is a sense of beeing, it's different as before. I will see how it goes on and will tell you. But thank's again.

[Eloratea]

It seems like we are staring now to have some real fun here… :)

Of course I tried to match what is happening with my so called knowledge...I have difficulties with it. I always waited for a big bang...that was nothing like that....I even don't know if it is that...I just know that a lightness is inside, world seems like a funny game, in the late afternoon I began laughing of the stupidity of myself while bathing.

:)

Something happened

I know :)

but very subtle...I really don't know if it is that.

Drop „that“ and let this what is just sink deeper a bit. Go out, breath, walk, watch the sea, stare in the sky. Feel this melting of never existing borders in free space. All the clouds and thoughts and feelings in the multiverse can't change this bright fact.

Much Love.

[Zmay]

Go out, breath, walk, watch the sea, stare in the sky.

I wanted, but circumstances were against it. So I was inside. In about midday an unusually strong energy was present in my body...it was like I am an duracel bunny.... wanted to express it but didn't know how. Just moving arround. Later it subsided...but it was funny, just energy moving through body, no goal.
Few times my view was strange, surrealistically clear, very sharp edges...sometimes strong coloures, sometimes just one colour very bright and strong.
I got an remark..."you are changing, and I don't like how it is developing"....
Some tension situation happened in the afternoon, then old patterns emerge, but has not the same grip-
Also I can not see the world as serious, I mean.....it is not so important any more, don't know how to put it.
It is different......

So much thanks.

[Eloratea]

Nice unfolding...let it unfold.
Whatever arises in experience is "it" - pure, vivid awareness; one seamless experience. Happening to no one.

Relax and write tomorrow more about separate self; what is it than?

Have a good night :)

[Zmay]

Hello you gentle iron touch,

so beautifull a day. I should say something about separate self. It is like a flaw in a program that catches you in a small part of program, like a loop and you are caught in it, like my old records, when they have a damaged part and it turnes and turnes with 33 rpm, the same toone over and over again. It strength comes from beliving in it. When you don't belive any more...the tune begines to unfold...the rose bloomes.....

I am still not sure about it, but it is not so important, nothing is so a big deal :-). If I concentrate or analyse I just have the "I" back, then it tries to hold and slipes off :-).

I am tired, because I was out the whole day, and can not write a lot, will go to sleep soon. Would like to write more to you in the next days.

Have a beautifull night :-)

[Eloratea]

Ok, no hurry. Rest and let this shift settle down.
Than write what you are still not sure about. Where are doubts if any? What are doubts actually?
Where in experience „I“ appears to be more than thought? Where separation appears to be real?

With Love.

[Zmay]

Hello,

finally some time to write. Today all seams less important :-).

Some things just make me wonder, you could help as you know. Some examples for when I think it's all the same:

I have some legal issues (lawyers, opponents etc.) not so big deal, but they sucked me in and I begine to dwell in the future, about what to say, how to react. Then recognition....who is doing that, to what point, future is not known anyway...what am I doing...smile and this was it. But should such things not end? I was there for some time, and unaware what is happening.

I react unusual in two ways sometimes, either I see something as funny as in interaction with others I see two belives clashing together (two "I" belives), and I react not as "I" would before and it is seen as unusual, or sometimes it pulles me in and for sometime I am also unaware (like the example before).

When looking at it is seen, but this intervals of unconciousness look the same as before. I don't know if I'm writting clear enough.

Well, I must admite that it all looks more and more unimportant, there is less and less will to analyse, compare and whatever....it looks like waste of life. My will to logic is on a very low level :-).

Thank you, and lot of love

[Eloratea]

I begin to dwell in the future, about what to say, how to react. Then recognition....who is doing that, to what point, future is not known anyway...what am I doing...smile and this was it. But should such things not end? I was there for some time, and unaware what is happening.

Not all of a sudden.
But I would like you see at this point is it you going through various states or it is just game of thoughts? is there expereincer separate from experience?

And one piece of advice:
„On a bright ocean, bubbles emerge then dissolve back into the water.
Likewise, thoughts are nothing but the nature of reality:
Don't regard them as faults. Relax…Allow the muddy waters of mental activity to clear; Refrain from both positive and negative projection - leave appearances alone…“
http://eloratea.blogspot.com/2012/11/minds-essence.html

When looking at it is seen, but this intervals of unconsciousness look the same as before. I don't know if I'm writing clear enough.

It is understood :) Give it some more „time“, and light of pure awareness. Don't over-think it. Surrender. And see that actually whatever appears in experience is just part of awareness in that moment. What else could it be?

Stay cool :)
Much Love.

[Zmay]

Good morning.

But I would like you see at this point is it you going through various states or it is just game of thoughts? is there expereincer separate from experience?

I will look today and get back to you. Aldough I would say this time it is it. One thing I forgot yesterday, there is a strong "feeling of self", not like "I" but self, existence, beeing, something where all this is...that also confuses me, is it an masked "I"?

Don't over-think it. Surrender.

I told you, that more and more I'm fed up with thinking, now I must force it...well this words are to harsch. Let me try again...thinking is ok when needed...forcing it feels not right, like water flows where it is easiest and natural...trying to force it some other way can be done but feels not good. I'm getting more and more balanced.

One other thing, I got an impulse to thank some people that where on my way in the past and gave me impulses to turn into the right direction. I never directly thanked anybody because this deep feeling that I also would share and help without second thoughts...so I am just reciving what is normal...I am to give it to others when the time is right, and that is my thank you. But now I got this impulse to do that directlly....and I have done it (to some of them it must looked funny....someone thanking after years :-)).

Thank you, and lots of love!

[Eloratea]

I will look today and get back to you.

Ok.

One thing I forgot yesterday, there is a strong "feeling of self", not like "I" but self, existence, being, something where all this is...that also confuses me, is it an masked "I"?

Feeling of aliveness and presence is and don't go anywhere; there are just various and endless nuances of feelings and realizations.
„I“ is just a label, thought put on this universal, yet intimate feeling. „I“ is a construct of the mind and it may not dissolve now completely, but it can be seen completely for what it is and that triggers total dissolution.
If confusion arises (confusion is always only in thoughts), just have a deep, honest look and it can be seen – this complete absence of „you“ anywhere.

And yes, gratitude and appreciation are signs of seeing what we are talking here about :)

Till later,
lots of Love.

[Zmay]

Thank you, thank you, thank you...your love is like warm rain on thrsty land....tears come...from happynes...

[Eloratea]

Hi,
how it is going? :)

[Zmay]

Hello, and good morning.

Yesterday and next few day's are busy for me, so I can just report what was, and is. Yesterday a lot of gratitude was there (you could see it in the last post). I tried to look after me in times when I could, I seem not to find me anywhere. But still, when I try to focus on the question is it it and am I sure....the honest answer is...I don't know. As I knew so many theories, read so many books, done a lot of practise.... it could be mind playing tricks.

As I have in last year made a lot of work ... emotional, presence process twice, salt baths, twirling, breathing, meditation, 5 tibetans etc....so there was already a lot significant changes that I could not comprehand with my mind...the work with you just broaden or deepen it so it was not for sure a big bang, you guided me in the direction is that any me...so this was new and some things happened. Now to judge it is almost like searching for "I". I must use the mind and compare with some knoledge and give rates....I have almost the feeling I'm going backwards.

If I have to give examples:

- Gratitude with no reason, weaping sometimes (from happynes or from deep understanding, or better to say feeling of the suffering in others), this is not with direct reason connected with me.
- a feeling of detachement from what is happening, more like as there is no me so it is not so important what happens
- not the usual reactiones to the enviroment (not so out on confrontation, if then because it's like: can't you see where you are going...that will do so much suffering....if possible stop, but mostly not even this), sometimes so out of usual that people who know me notice and comment it
- more doing without thinking....sounds stupid, but it's more like knowing imediatlly what is the right direction.
- not a lot of heavines inside...as there is no me I don't have to fight and be alert all the time and make my point and stear the happenings
- almost no planing the future (I was big on that one before), just some stuff that is unavoidable
- I do sometimes stire things up, or calm them down....but the reason is very different...like I would like to feel anger now...lets play in that direction....or calmness is so nice...let us have more of it. Before it was conpulsive, I wanted to prove my point or I wanted to avoid confrontation.

I could tell more, but this would be to much, its slowlly becoming an essay....now maybe few things that feel not so right and make me wonder if I am still playing with myself :-)
- traces of fear or anxiety appear sometimes inside...I look then with the vision of no me....but it does not disappear completlly.
- sometimes inner talk appear and make me unaware for some time, suckess me in like ever and the talk with myself begines. I look then and smile...but it happens.
- i'm not immune on what is considered good and bad...it is not as big as it was, but it has also not disappeared. Pain is still pain...
- maybe the biggest thing...the feeling that everything is one is not, or not clear here (I feel it as more intelectual then real).


Well that was a lot of writting, probablly little confused, but you will know what is behind it.

Thank you again for staying with me and also thank you for your blog lines.

[Eloratea]

Thanks for an essay :)

Busy days might be actually good as a kind of proof and consolidation of new perspective and insights.

Let's look at your doubts which are actually connected with your expectations how thighs should change for you.

- traces of fear or anxiety appear sometimes inside...I look then with the vision of no me....but it does not disappear completlly.

Just look at them when they arise, do they arise to you, or they just arise?

- sometimes inner talk appear and make me unaware for some time, suckess me in like ever and the talk with myself begines. I look then and smile...but it happens.

Keep noticing how it happens :) Does it happen to you?

- i'm not immune on what is considered good and bad...it is not as big as it was, but it has also not disappeared. Pain is still pain...

Things are as they are. We are challenging here only the belief in separate self. But there are usually lots of unconsciously accumulated beliefs and assumptions, that could be investigated.
Yes, pain is pan. But if it is not labeled as mine, it somewhat already changes the experience.

maybe the biggest thing...the feeling that everything is one is not, or not clear here (I feel it as more intelectual then real).

Seeing through the illusion of self doesn't mean automatically having non-dual awareness. Drop that expectation and just look honestly is there anything separate in your actual experience right now? Where is dividing line?

Be well,
Love.