What am i?

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Good going!

I can’t find myself in hearing or in the sounds, but I still feel my own presence,

This is an uninvestigated overlay placed on a subtle energetic sensation that has been given the name of presence, but could also be called aliveness, or being, or sense of self. These are thought labels being placed on a sensation.
Where is the "I" to be found?
What claims ownership "my own presence." Please clarify.
Is there a "you" that can feel and own what is felt?

and this presence seems to express itself through bodily sensations and thoughts.

Really! Please say more about this. Is this what is found in direct experience, or is it not an interpretation?

I looked at the feeling of “myself”, and there were even moments of some kind of understanding that what I’m paying attention to (the body) isn’t me, but is simply what it is.

Exactly, it is an appearance, the same as the visual field and the sound field. Simply what it is.
Does it need to be anything more?

However, I haven’t made any major progress in this direction yet.

Is there a "you" that can make, or not make any major progress?
Without a whole narrative of before and after stories, i.e. a bunch of thoughts; how will any major progress be known ?

Can you see that everything described that is not DIRECT or IMMEDIATE experience is just stories of before and after relating to an apparent someone (also a thought or memory about the past) that cannot be found?


What is it that senses the feeling of "me"?

Whatever that is, and whatever it senses, are they separate?

Where is that which senses located?

Where is that feeling of "me" located?

Is that 'feeling of "me" or 'sense of me' permanent?

If not, does it come and go?

If it can't be found, where does it go?

What knows it's gone?

If the self is the 'me' and then it disappears, how can a 'you' still be here?

Were 'you' ever here?

THOUGHTS ABOUT AN "I" OR A "ME" ARE STILL GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT
Does that thought "ME" or "I" refer back to anything at all?

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Where is the "I" to be found?

This “I” is what I find around the face and in thoughts, but most often in thoughts.

What claims ownership "my own presence." Please clarify.
Is there a "you" that can feel and own what is felt?

That same “I” that supposedly exists.

Really! Please say more about this. Is this what is found in direct experience, or is it not an interpretation?

I’m talking about the sense of self, or in other words, the presence of this “I.” It expresses itself through bodily sensations and thoughts.

Does it need to be anything more?

No, but I can explain what the problem is. In moments of understanding, I saw the body simply as the body, sensations as sensations, and thoughts as thoughts. But now everything has become mixed together again. Thoughts no longer feel like just thoughts; they feel like a part of “me.” The body no longer feels like just the body; it feels like a part of “me,” and so on.

Is there a "you" that can make, or not make any major progress?
Without a whole narrative of before and after stories, i.e. a bunch of thoughts; how will any major progress be known ?

Can you see that everything described that is not DIRECT or IMMEDIATE experience is just stories of before and after relating to an apparent someone (also a thought or memory about the past) that cannot be found?

Right now, in this very moment, I notice only sensations in the body and thoughts, but I can’t find a “self.” Yes, I understand now that all of this is a story. In direct experience, you can’t find someone; you can only find sensations, thoughts, and feelings. This is a really good reminder that I need to base everything on direct experience. But right now I can see it, and then later I might not be able to. It feels very unstable.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Unless you LOOK to verify there will never be clarity. Giving a response from a relative position, as if you have a conceptual answer ready without actually checking will not bring clarity.

Where is the "I" to be found?

This “I” is what I find around the face and in thoughts, but most often in thoughts.

Really, how does this "I" present itself around the face?
Does this "I" present itself in thoughts? How does it do this? Is it the thinker of thoughts? YES or NO?

What claims ownership "my own presence." Please clarify.
Is there a "you" that can feel and own what is felt?

That same “I” that supposedly exists.

Idk, this can not be what you find in your direct experience.
Is there a "you" that can feel and own what is felt? YES or NO?

Really! Please say more about this. Is this what is found in direct experience, or is it not an interpretation?

I’m talking about the sense of self, or in other words, the presence of this “I.” It expresses itself through bodily sensations and thoughts.

We are not looking for explanations, that is conceptual language. Any explanation, justification, interpretation is simply a thought narrative used in conventional narrative.

???? Please LOOK again. Is this what is found in direct experience, YES or NO?

Does it need to be anything more?

No, but I can explain what the problem is. In moments of understanding, I saw the body simply as the body, sensations as sensations, and thoughts as thoughts. But now everything has become mixed together again. Thoughts no longer feel like just thoughts; they feel like a part of “me.” The body no longer feels like just the body; it feels like a part of “me,” and so on

No explanations! Can you SEE what is going on here with your answer. You answered with clarity and then you started arguing with your answer. When you offer explanations you are already back in trance of conditioning.

What is this "me" you mention? What is it made of? (In DIRECT EXPERIENCE ONLY!!)

Is there a Santa? YES or NO?
Is there an actual separate self? YES or NO?
Is there an actual separate "me"? YES or NO?

If it seems like there is a sense of a "me" that is fine, this offers the opportunity to look again and ask is the a fact, or simply a thought? This is the way it goes, each time there is a pull towards believing there is sense of "me" then LOOK again.

The body no longer feels like just the body; it feels like a part of “me,” and so on.

When all thoughts about a body are dropped, what is left in raw sense data? What senses are appearing?

Sensations - Do sensations talk ?
Visual field of color and shape - Does the visual field talk ?

Can you see that thoughts talk about your direct experience, they are an overlay, an interpretation of what is direct, immediate.

Right now, in this very moment, I notice only sensations in the body and thoughts, but I can’t find a “self.” Yes, I understand now that all of this is a story. In direct experience, you can’t find someone; you can only find sensations, thoughts, and feelings. This is a really good reminder that I need to base everything on direct experience. But right now I can see it, and then later I might not be able to. It feels very unstable.

This answer is conceptual.
What is this "I" that is talking about what is being noticed etc? that can't find a "self"? that understands? that needs to base everything on direct experience? That right now can see it, and later might not be able to????

It feels very unstable

Yes, it will feel unstable.
How does unstable feel? Please look directly at body sensations, can you BE WITH the body sensations and drop the label "unstable". Without a label, what is left?

Keep going, it is quite natural for the conditioned mind to try and fight the clear seeing of direct experience, it won't go on forever!


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Really, how does this "I" present itself around the face?
Does this "I" present itself in thoughts? How does it do this? Is it the thinker of thoughts? YES or NO?

It doesn’t. There is no such “I” in direct experience. It’s just a feeling around the face. And in thoughts, I only find thoughts, not an “I.”

Is there a "you" that can feel and own what is felt? YES or NO?

No.

What is this "me" you mention? What is it made of?

I don’t see any “I” in direct experience, it’s just not there. I only see thoughts, sensations, and emotions. But even when I see this directly, right here and right now, and I can even see it when I need to, for some reason I later get absorbed in the “I” again. It’s like at some point I fall asleep in these thoughts and start putting the label “I” on everything I’m used to considering myself. Sorry that my answer turned out conceptual again.

What is this "I" that is talking about what is being noticed etc? that can't find a "self"? that understands? that needs to base everything on direct experience? That right now can see it, and later might not be able to????

There is no such “I” in direct experience.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

I don’t see any “I” in direct experience, it’s just not there. I only see thoughts, sensations, and emotions.

Yes!
How is it to see this? How does it feel?

But even when I see this directly, right here and right now, and I can even see it when I need to, for some reason I later get absorbed in the “I” again. It’s like at some point I fall asleep in these thoughts and start putting the label “I” on everything I’m used to considering myself. Sorry that my answer turned out conceptual again.

Yes! And that's the way it goes..... for a while at least. Seeing the evidence that there is no "I" and then getting carried away by the STORY of an apparent "I". But look closer next time this happens, is a STORY of "I" the reality? Old habit patterns take a while to fade away, and the STORY of "I" will continue. But notice, a narrative is thought, it is simply thinking happening without a thinker. Thought after thought after thought weaving a story about the past or future in the immediacy of THIS!

Is this a problem?
Is it a problem that a sense of self appears?
Is it a problem that a STORY of "I" appears?
Is it a problem that a thought says "Oh I've fallen asleep again!"
Is it a problem that there can be no certainty, because certainty requires a someone to be certain and there is no one to be found is there?.

The "I" that is seeking its own demise was always an illusion, "it" never existed in the first place!

Here's a video that might be helpful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUDzrCLlrj4
"Sometimes waking up goes back and forth a bit"


There are some checking-in questions that get shared with other guides. Would you like me to sent them to you?
If you want to continue exploring, we can, but you know how it will go!!

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,
I still can’t say that I’ve seen that there is no “I.” When I look at thoughts, I only see thoughts. When I notice the body, I only see the body. But somehow, the “I” still hasn’t disappeared. Even when I notice this “sense of self,” I can see what it is made of, but somehow the “I” keeps appearing anyway.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

You did not answer the questions I gave you.

Is there a refusal to give up a certain position?
What would have to be given up?
What would it cost to acknowledge what is seen in direct experience?

I still can’t say that I’ve seen that there is no “I.”

Idk, what exactly are you looking for that can be SEEN?
is there a belief that there is some separate entity that was SEEN to be there and then moments later was SEEN not to be there?
You have never SEEN a separate self have you ? Yes/No

Although no separate, independent self can be found when searched for, that does not mean that there is not a habitual sense or feeling labeled "I", or "me". This sense will continue as it always has, and when looked into directly, (DE) it will be recognized as an energetic sense of vibrant aliveness, always varying in intensity and movement. Microseconds later thought latches onto and this subtle sensation and labels "me".

Does an energetic sensation or movement in the body prove that there is an "I"? Yes?no?

When I look at thoughts, I only see thoughts.

Are "you" seeing thoughts? Where are "you"?

Can it not be simply: "Looking at thoughts, seeing thoughts." ........... Or, "thoughts simply appearing."
Is a separate "I" needed to see?

When I notice the body, I only see the body.

Is a separate "I" needed to see?

But somehow, the “I” still hasn’t disappeared.

It comes and goes. Appears and disappears. Now you sense it, now you don't.

IS THIS A PROBLEM? YES/NO

Even when I notice this “sense of self,” I can see what it is made of, but somehow the “I” keeps appearing anyway.

Yes! Apparently "it" keeps appearing, simply as a subtle sense or thought.

Is what is apparent actual? Can you see the difference?
Apparent is here-say. Actual is what is SEEN here and now.

REMEMBER THIS!
Are you looking to defend seeing a "self?" Or looking to see there is no "self?"
Believing is seeing. You can continue to believe the story of self forever and nothing I or anyone say will dissuade you.

The difference in Feeling something to be true (Apparent) and Seeing that it is or isn't (Actual).

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. You keep on going round and round in circles, you can keep on believing that the keys are in your pocket, but at some point you will have to give in and accept that even if they were there once, they are no longer there NOW.


Here is a little experiment. I would like you to read through the paragraph that you wrote to me:

"I still can’t say that I’ve seen that there is no “I.” When I look at thoughts, I only see thoughts. When I notice the body, I only see the body. But somehow, the “I” still hasn’t disappeared. Even when I notice this “sense of self,” I can see what it is made of, but somehow the “I” keeps appearing anyway."

Once you have read through, I would like you to sit quietly and say quietly out loud a sentence that resonates like the following: "I can not accept that there is no separate "I".

It is important to find the phrase that resonates with you.
Once you have found the correct wording, I would like you to state the phrase out loud and then look at what it is pointing to in the body. There will be sensations. There may be emotions. Please stay with what is arising.

Do this several times over the next day or so.

Please report back what was experienced.

You are doing great, keep going!

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Is there a refusal to give up a certain position?
What would have to be given up?
What would it cost to acknowledge what is seen in direct experience?

I’m not afraid to give up my position. I’m just afraid that I’ll get so caught up in this “I” again that there will be no direct seeing anymore.

You have never SEEN a separate self have you ? Yes/No

No, in direct experience, I’ve never seen a separate “I”. Both today and yesterday, I had many moments where I thought, “Well, it’s obvious! There is no separate ‘I’, it’s just this simple,” but then throughout the day there were moments when I would get caught up in this separate “I” again.

Does an energetic sensation or movement in the body prove that there is an "I"? Yes?no?

No

Are "you" seeing thoughts? Where are "you"?

Can it not be simply: "Looking at thoughts, seeing thoughts." ........... Or, "thoughts simply appearing."
Is a separate "I" needed to see?

No, you don’t need a separate “I” to see thoughts or notice the body.

IS THIS A PROBLEM? YES/NO

Honestly, in a way, this is a problem. I just don’t know how or why it wouldn’t be a problem, because (I’ll refer to past experiences again), when these kinds of “awakenings” happened before, the mind would eventually return to the usual “I”. But the last time, in August, when I slowly started seeing it, and eventually it became a new habit, there was a direct experience that there was no “I” at all.

Please report back what was experienced.

I felt a slight tension in the upper chest area and around my face.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

I’m not afraid to give up my position. I’m just afraid that I’ll get so caught up in this “I” again that there will be no direct seeing anymore.

I would like you to look at the above sentence you wrote.

Can you see that this is simply a bunch of thoughts, a narrative, based on some memory regarding how things should be according to an imaginary "I".

Granted, there was a sense that an "I" was present again, but you've already seen that a sense does not confirm the presence of any separate "I".

There are three factors playing out together that make the Story of "I" seem seem real:
A thought "I", A feeling or sense of "I", and a memory of an "I" story playing out over time.
This memory is also a thought, but it is more subtle, and can arise as a visual image.

So, what you do in this situation, if there is another thought that says "Oh no, I've lost it, now "I" am back!" You LOOK again in your direct experience (DE). When you are in conventional experiencing (CE), with personal identification arising, know that this is simply the old habit pattern returning again. It will keep on doing this, and you will have to keep on returning to DE to see what is ACTUALLY happening. CE is NEVER what it seems. It is a quick assessment taken as fact. You have to slow down, and take time to LOOK.

No, in direct experience, I’ve never seen a separate “I”. Both today and yesterday, I had many moments where I thought, “Well, it’s obvious! There is no separate ‘I’, it’s just this simple,” but then throughout the day there were moments when I would get caught up in this separate “I” again.

This is a perfect example. Is this not the proof you need?
The "I" never existed, so nothing is going to change regarding thoughts, there is no thinker is there! DE proves this. The rest is story.

IS THIS A PROBLEM? YES/NO

Honestly, in a way, this is a problem. I just don’t know how or why it wouldn’t be a problem, because (I’ll refer to past experiences again), when these kinds of “awakenings” happened before, the mind would eventually return to the usual “I”. But the last time, in August, when I slowly started seeing it, and eventually it became a new habit, there was a direct experience that there was no “I” at all.

Do not refer to past experiences! They are memories, thoughts and visual images, arising NOW. They are basically FANTASY.

THE ONLY THING YOU CAN TRUST IS YOUR DIRECT EXPERIENCE.
The rest is made up. All your past experiences are made up. They are simply the content of thought without a thinker and further thought saying "this happened," It never happened. It was always a story. You never started seeing it. THERE IS NO "YOU!"


TIME EXERCISE
Time is an experience, it is not fundamental

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

Take a few deep breaths to relax and then look in direct experience and answer the following according to your actual findings, NOT thoughts about your findings:

Is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along a line of time?

An experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

How long does the ‘now’ last?

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or simply thoughts about ‘time’?


Please answer each question from DE. No intellectual answers. If you can't answer be honest and admit you don't know.

Each time you look closely in DE you will SEE more clearly. It simply takes time.

Please report back what was experienced.

I felt a slight tension in the upper chest area and around my face.

Good, keep going with that little exercise and hold the space for the sensations.


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Can you see that this is simply a bunch of thoughts, a narrative, based on some memory regarding how things should be according to an imaginary "I".

Yeah, now I kinda can see it. Every time I look at this “I”, I can’t find anyone there. I don’t even know if I should be happy about that, because nothing has really changed. Even when I think I’ve fallen back into this “I” again, every time I can’t figure out what “I” it is that I’ve fallen back into. I mean, there’s that feeling that I’ve started speaking from the point of view of “I” again, but I can’t actually find this “I”. I only see words, thoughts, feelings, sensations, nothing else. But because of that, nothing has changed. I don’t see myself as the “source” or as one with everything. I don’t even know, this is confusing me. Why hasn’t anything changed?

Is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along a line of time?
An experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

No

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

No

How fast is the 'present moment' actually moving?

There is no such thing as a ‘present moment’

So is there actual experience of 'time' or simply thoughts about 'time'?

Just thoughts about time

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Yeah, now I kinda can see it. Every time I look at this “I”, I can’t find anyone there. I don’t even know if I should be happy about that, because nothing has really changed. Even when I think I’ve fallen back into this “I” again, every time I can’t figure out what “I” it is that I’ve fallen back into. I mean, there’s that feeling that I’ve started speaking from the point of view of “I” again, but I can’t actually find this “I”. I only see words, thoughts, feelings, sensations, nothing else. But because of that, nothing has changed. I don’t see myself as the “source” or as one with everything. I don’t even know, this is confusing me. Why hasn’t anything changed?

That is great Idk, little by little!! And, yes, this is confusing to a "me". This is the old "program" running. A return to conceptual thinking. Thoughts or expectations arising about a story of some shift or change as a result of having become attached to some second-hand ideas received through reading books, studying with teachers etc. All stories to which a thought arises. "I" want that to happen to "me"!

So, in reality "This is confusing me" is simply a thought isn't it?

Please answer: Can a "me" be found to be confused? .

The only way out of all the fantasy is to LOOK for yourself. Over and over at your direct experience. There are three things to look for and recognize.

1. A thought "I",
2. A feeling or subtle sensation (contraction) which is present but has been ignored from habit as thoughts have always taken priority.
3. An apparent continuity of experience, The Time Factor: The "I" story playing out over time. This memory is also a thought, but it is more subtle, and can arise as a visual image.

You asked

"Why hasn't anything changed?"

Look at the following exercise to see if anything can actually change, except for a continuous coming and going of appearances that thought registers as change.

If there is no "I" to be found, what can change, and for whom?

Can you see that 'change' is purely relative to the conceptual mode of experiencing. There can be no change without thinking about change. Is this clear?




MEMORY EXPLORATION

What is a memory? We can say it is a thought (and this includes mental images) that seems to refer to a past story about a ME and which may or may not evoke feelings/sensations in the body.

Sit down, take a few breaths to relax and then bring to mind a recent "event". Choose something simple, it could have happened 5 minutes ago as you remember what you were doing before you sat down to do this exercise.

Just let a "memory" be there, and look at it, simply, in your direct experience. And remember, you don't have to know, or come up with some explanation as you answer the questions!!

Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.

What is the memory ‘made of’? What is actually happening in your direct experience?

Now, think of a flying pink elephant flying across the room, let that image go, and now return to the memory thought.

Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?

Is there a difference, other than the content?

How is it known that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Does it require further thought to affirm the apparent "reality" of the memory thought

Now, look at a thought about the future.

What is the future thought ‘made of’?

What is the difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

How is it known that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that might happen?

What is this information based on?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

If there is difference, how is that difference is known in direct experience?

Can an actual difference be known in direct experience without more thoughts?

Does any thought content EVER refer to an actual "I" or "Thinker"?


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Please answer: Can a "me" be found to be confused?

No, there’s no “me” who’s confused, and the more I look, the more I see that there was never anyone who was there in the first place. No action belongs to anyone, it’s just a phenomenon happening, like all other phenomena. Yes, I still get caught up in this “I”, but again, I see that this “I” I get caught up in never existed. Although this doesn’t make life any different

What is the memory 'made of? What is actually happening in your direct experience?

A memory is just a mental image.

Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?

Just the content of a thought.

How is it known that a 'memory' thought refers to something that has happened?

It feels familiar.

What is the future thought 'made of'?

It’s just another mental image.

What is the difference between a 'general' thought and a
'future' thought?

There’s no difference between them.

How is it known that a 'future' thought refers to something that might happen?

I don’t know

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

The only difference is in the content.

Does any thought content EVER refer to an actual "I'" or
"Thinker"?

No

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Good going. Now look at this:

How is it known that a 'memory' thought refers to something that has happened?

It feels familiar.

Yes! And this is an invitation to look closer:
"It feels" - where is this pointing? Some felt sense in the body perhaps? Explore closer.
Does a felt sense need to be interpreted as good/bad; familiar/unfamiliar?

We can happily refer to it as familiar, or as the "sense of self" there will be no disappearance of these 'familiar' sensations, they are just being seen and allowed as they are, simply appearances within the whole momentary experiencing.

"familiar" - can you see that this is a thought label, a kind of short-cut looping of an idea of a "time-bound" self which can never be found as an entity separate from other appearances?

Each time you notice yourself saying "I feel.............." this is an invitation to look closer when needed.
Are you now ready to accept this invitation into your life?

Now, I would like you to stop for a moment, take a few breaths to relax and center and say out loud:
"I am HERE!"
In your DIRECT EXPERIENCE
1. take in the visual field and say "I am HERE!" - Is there any Gap or line to be found?
2. take in the sound field and say "I am HERE!" - Is there any Gap or line to be drawn between the sound of the words (or thoughts) and the sounds in your environment?
3. take in any slight taste that could be detected and silently utter "I am here" - Any Gap HERE?
4. take in any ambient smells and silently smell the "I am HERE!" Any Gap?
5. take in any felt sensations and breath in "I am HERE!" Any Gap?
6. allow your attention to flow between the appearances and feel the instantaneous immediacy of "HERE".
Any Gaps, anywhere?

Where are "you"? (DE answer only please!)

Please let me know how this has landed with you.

And if you are tempted to switch to Conventional Mode LOOK AGAIN !!

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,
Sorry for taking so long to reply, I really wasn’t in the mood for it. I’ll reply tomorrow. And can you answer my question: is that all? Because I genuinely can’t find any “I”. Yes, I see the phenomena I used to identify as “me”, but right now I can’t say that these phenomena are “I”, even though there’s no deep “understanding” or seeing that it’s all false.
I can experience shame, suffering, and guilt, but ultimately, I can’t say that there’s any “I” experiencing all of this.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Sorry for taking so long to reply, I really wasn’t in the mood for it. I’ll reply tomorrow. And can you answer my question: is that all? Because I genuinely can’t find any “I”. Yes, I see the phenomena I used to identify as “me”, but right now I can’t say that these phenomena are “I”, even though there’s no deep “understanding” or seeing that it’s all false.
I can experience shame, suffering, and guilt, but ultimately, I can’t say that there’s any “I” experiencing all of this.

To answer your question: Is that all? YES!!

I can understand why you haven't been in the mood........ With all the "noise" about awakening and enlightenment etc. that creates huge expectations, and when it is seen over and over again that there is no actual separate "I" in control this can be a huge let down for the "I" system. But there is no actual "I" it be found is there? So there is nowhere to go, there is only what is happening in all the variations possibilities, including shame, suffering and guilt as well as pleasure, joy, comfort, interest etc. All those states arising and falling away within a narrative of self-referencing stories about an "I" or "me" stuck in an apparent consecutive space-time reality, but even that cannot be found when looked for closely in direct experience can it? Memories, on which narratives are constructed are thoughts happening NOW as are the settings where they happened. And space as we experience in conventional reality is not exactly what it seems in direct experience either, is it!?

The "I" talk will continue, it is a useful operating system developed over eons by the human bodymind. We can say that there is apparent agency, there is apparent decision making etc. but when looked into it is exactly as you reported above to quote:
"I can't say that there'e any "I" experiencing all of this." It is a wonderful paradox!

Looking forward to your reply to my last post and any comments regarding the above.

Warm regards,
Rowena