Weary seeker ready to see there is no gate

[Jellycat]

Hi Rowena,

Thanks for your encouragement. I couldn't have asked for a better guide!

So this exercise was easy because I have active kundalini and as soon as I said a lie 'I love people killing animals' it was activated. I also felt a lump in my throat, a generalised felt sense of sickness (I couldn't find a location in the body maybe the throat) and my kundalini in the lower belly and up, was strongly activated. There was also a feeling of contraction in the chest/heart.

I'd never made a link between those before. I'm aware of the kundalini activating when I feel anger, a strong emotion of injustice etc or I'm feeling empowered and Spirit led. But I wasn't aware of its activation from a lie.

[Noro]

Hello Jennie,

That exercise is very clear for you how anything that feels "off" to your system is very obvious! Trust that signal!


INVESTIGATION WITH AN APPLE (OR ANY OTHER FRUIT)
Here's an exercise for you to get super clear on what direct experience is. Place the apple in front of you on the table. If you don't have one to hand, you can go online and find a photo of one.

When looking at an apple in the usual way, we are looking at something in the visual field, and we will see that there's colour and then we will perceive a shape. Then thinking comes very quickly afterwards with a thought saying "apple" and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

In actual or direct experience we are simply seeing, and the simple act of seeing does not include any interpretations or descriptions. Those are overlayed through thought onto the visual experience which is totally non-conceptual.
In actual fact, nothing is named in direct experience, (think of a baby that is looking around in wonder), all that is seen is a kaleidoscope of light/color. However, as a concession, for the sake of communicating we can allow a minimum of thought content in order to do this exercise; so we can say that colors and shapes are seen, and thinking is also 'seen' but the content of thought, the thoughts about what is seen, is not included.

Actual experience does not refer to thought content (including labels, interpretations and descriptions) about something.

Actual experience refers to the raw data of sound, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thinking arising, but not its content.

So, as you do this apple exercise, is there really an 'apple' here or only color and shape plus thoughts about 'apple'?
Can an actual 'apple' be found in direct experience?

While thoughts or descriptions are known, what they talk about can't be found in direct experience.

I hope that this is clear for you. Let me know how you get on.

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Noro]

Hello Jennie,

Just checking in with you since it has been a few days since your last post. I hope all is well.

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Jellycat]

Hi Rowena,

Sorry for the delay. I should have messaged but completely forgot. I was away on a course at the weekend, so just catching up with home family and work. Do you mind if I come back on Friday?

Warm regards
Jennie

[Noro]

Hi Jennie,

Thanks for letting me know, and yes, its fine to get back on Friday.

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Jellycat]

Hi Rowena,

Sorry for the delay.

Life has been a bit challenging!

In all honesty I found this really hard. At first my brain couldn't even really grasp thr understanding of what I was supposed to do and there was resistance. So I went to sleep and thought I'll try fresh tomorrow.

When I finally just did the exercise I again found it hard to focus. In the end my mind would stop the overlay if I would say the colours I was seeing out loud. Red, brown etc. I can see that it's just colours and shapes, but there's a feeling of dropping or nothing to hold onto in space, which feels unsettling when I look in this way. I will keep trying so the discomfort doesn't make me want to pull back everytime.

The minds resistance feels very strong at the moment. I don't know if it's because I had a break and lost momentum.

Much love
Jennie

[Noro]

Hi Jennie,

"The mind" is always trying to work for us by interpreting, analyzing, labeling, etc. and it creates a sense of security through knowing. But this knowing is acquired conceptual knowledge, mostly from what we have been taught, and mostly we have absorbed all that 'data' in as factual. The exercises here, looking at what is fresh, immediate, direct challenge the way the mind has worked until now. There is a re-calibration going on.

When I finally just did the exercise I again found it hard to focus. In the end my mind would stop the overlay if I would say the colours I was seeing out loud. Red, brown etc. I can see that it's just colours and shapes, but there's a feeling of dropping or nothing to hold onto in space, which feels unsettling when I look in this way. I will keep trying so the discomfort doesn't make me want to pull back everytime.

Keep at the exercise, and most of all, in small doses, stay with the feeling of dropping, or nothing to hold on to in space. This is a really important part of the exercise, I might call it the 'energetic' component that accompanies the intellectual seeing.

Another way to help the mind settle is to open your view to the whole visual field and imagine it as a painting. Everything is rendered from paint. And tell that part that wants to know in order to feel in control of it's reality, that it's OK not to know.

Let me know in a day or two how you get on. See if you can eventually really relax into this visual field of 'not knowing."


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Jellycat]

Hi Rowena,

I hope you're well and I'm sorry for my lack of posting.

I was on a course this week and was shattered in the evenings.

I have tried again with the Apple. And there's a small improvement, with the body feeling more open and relaxed to the not knowing.

I even had a dream last night where I was shown an apple (I think it was or a tree, I can't remember) on a piece of paper and it seemed so obvious it didn't exist, so I think the divine is trying to help me see more clearly!

[Noro]

Hello Jennie,

Well done for persevering with the Apple exercise! If you feel ready to move on, here is a new exploration


CONTEMPLATION WITH THE VISUAL FIELD

Take a few relaxed breaths to feel calm and relaxed, now:

Look to your right.
Then look to your left.
Finally, bring your head back to centre, CLOSE YOUR EYES and look forward.

Okay, so when you look to the right, the view (visual experience) on the right is seen (whatever that is).

When you look to the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).

And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the visual experience in front is seen.

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ to see or not to see? Y/N

I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘blank space’ if you close your eyes.
The question is:

Can you turn seeing off? Y/N
Can you NOT see what is seen? Y/N

Same thing when you are facing to your left,
can there be a choice to NOT see the view on the left? Y/N

Same thing when you are facing forward with closed eyes,
can you NOT see the what is seen? Y/N

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Y/N

Warm regards,
Rowena