good place

[daisyrain]

what is here in direct experience

Something „I previously overlooked“ is seeking.

Everything’s here, everything but memos perfectly still and just is, and I am seeking.

[graceabounds]

Look for the owner of experience in that millisecond gap. Look there.

Seeking energy is a positive, it drives the looking. Do you actually own it as in ‘I am seeking’? Or is it just… seeking. Here.

What/where is the raw energy of seeking, before the comparison thoughts or stories?

[daisyrain]

Look for the owner of experience in that millisecond gap. Look there.

Okay, i have no idea how to manufacture that gap, saying that first.
Avoidance does come.
in a strange and to the mind unhelpful way, that gap might already be here.

I'm just gonna ask the avoidance what's up with it.
Does it mind looking?


What is it you want? Answer: to be safe.
It doesn't think this can be done.

Finding joy in this :)
feels like the whole body comes to process this.
allowing it to "take the whole body" if it wants that.


Have no answer, just a sensation labeled "wondering".
thoughts about an owner of wondering do come up.
no owner.

Sitting with this cycle of
"no owner", (believed) sense of owner => (noticed thought of owner) => "no owner"
feels valuable.

I think some part of me (or me) waits for this process to start feeling gratifying. That in on itself is somewhere between "not useful" to "hindering" surely.
Can talk to that feeling as well.
asking, what it can express.

Look for the owner of experience in that millisecond gap. Look there.

no owner

neither believing this, nor doubting this

What/where is the raw energy of seeking, before the comparison thoughts or stories?

not following the seeking, it's felt like a "sobering up" or a "stretching"... it's in the upper leg, left foot, left foot again (strongly). Face (prickling sensation). Around the body.

Seeking energy is a positive, it drives the looking. Do you actually own it as in ‘I am seeking’? Or is it just… seeking. Here.

it feels valuable to not follow the seeking movement, but "sit it out".
"I feel about this strongly, this is a good direction" <- seeking movement.

it's just a movement right now.

[graceabounds]

in a strange and to the mind unhelpful way, that gap might already be here.

Just notice the gap today, without an agenda of doing on top. Also notice: What happens with the body in the gap?

What is it you want? Answer: to be safe.
It doesn't think this can be done.

Finding joy in this :)
feels like the whole body comes to process this.
allowing it to "take the whole body" if it wants that

Where does safety reside in the body?

Sitting with this cycle of
"no owner", (believed) sense of owner => (noticed thought of owner) => "no owner"
feels valuable

It is.

[daisyrain]

Just notice the gap today, without an agenda of doing on top. Also notice: What happens with the body in the gap?

Feels really good.
Feels like it’s getting explored and releases (energy? Tension?) on its own.

Besides the gap it feels like every thought is anchored around a center / around the heart, almost painfully.

A lot of thoughts are going on within me, they can be heard more objectively when „interpreting them as their own entity, not myself“. Mind went in that direct to see what actually is the mechanism that gets better that way, found that feeling of every thought anchoring within me.

Where does safety reside in the body?

Nowwhere really, but it does feel safe to feel the body / reside here.

[graceabounds]

Stay focused on the gap.

Look for I in the gap. What is seen?


Separately from the above…

Besides the gap it feels like every thought is anchored around a center / around the heart, almost painfully

Can there be a big dial, superimposed on the mental image of the heart, to turn down their volume? Try this.

What happens if thoughts have the freedom to travel out from that center point? Are they all tied to that location? Does the concentration change?

[daisyrain]

Can there be a big dial, superimposed on the mental image of the heart, to turn down their volume? Try this.

What happens if thoughts have the freedom to travel out from that center point? Are they all tied to that location? Does the concentration change?

That Dial thought does mellow it a lot, the sensation shifts into different body parts (legs, arms, face).
I think part of what helps is also seeing, that it's allowed to ignore that image. I think it was held onto in part because it seemed important.

Not sure what happens to thought, but the thought of heart not being taken as important does make thoughts seem "less stuck" :)

Stay focused on the gap.

Look for I in the gap. What is seen?

I feel/ think I've completely lost the gap.
It feels like I had to manufacture a story about how to manufacture it, and that surely isn't useful right?
Remembering a set of steps to get somewhere?

There is a sensation "offering" being labeled gap.
That Gap feels very good and refreshing, something about it as interesting as the remaining cake batter on a cooking-whisk.
It's interesting to me, that it seems this could only been seen after all doubt was written out.
There's the next wave of doubt coming along.
It seems the head as a very real problem with "not being able to manufacture this".


---

Trying to not strive from your teachings, but I want to talk about some things that feel like they offer some "juice" at the moment.
It feels like "sensation being already/always available" has a quality to it previously overlooked.
If focused on and felt into it's a fullness, even joy.

[graceabounds]

That Dial thought does mellow it a lot, the sensation shifts into different body parts (legs, arms, face).
I think part of what helps is also seeing, that it's allowed to ignore that image. I think it was held onto in part because it seemed important

Beautiful! Yes, mental images are also.. thoughts. :)

It feels like "sensation being already/always available" has a quality to it previously overlooked.
If focused on and felt into it's a fullness, even joy.

Is ‘I’ anywhere to be found in sensation that is always already available?

[daisyrain]

Is ‘I’ anywhere to be found in sensation that is always already available?

It does feel like it’s separate from it. The me part.
In inspection it’s felt as tension of face.
A mental image of „something behind experience“

It’s still a bit surprising, that experience can „already be found“. There’s still a movement present to look somewhere for it.

There might be no „I“ in it.
Body feels different.
Not pleasant

What is if with this?

Mental images pop up.

There’s a sensation very much unusual.

This question doesn’t feel useless at all.

I can’t find an I, but…?

Going to bed for now, so tired. Even that tiredness is just happening.

So tired.. good night becc

[graceabounds]

Take another look today… same inquiry.

With love,

[daisyrain]

Hi Becc,

The bewilderment with this question is still there.
I wish I could write more, (which is a thought layered above a sincere emotional reaction. I just have a hard time communicating that relationship)

Okay. Lots of emotional stuff now.

A lot is felt, along with distance to it.


that question is yielding something of value and continues to do so.

A lot of layered on thoughts are noticed. Or after-the-fact thoughts.

But mostly a bit of bewilderment is felt with this.
Feeling what that bewilderment is in the body.

Recognizing that feels like losing an anchor

[graceabounds]

What purpose was the anchor?

Did it ever really exist?

How does it feel to ride the waves?

Is ‘I’ anywhere to be found in sensation that is always already available?

[daisyrain]

Noticing the reoccuring thought "ah, now I have found it again" => implying an action to have found the immediate experience, instead of:

Step 0: Immediate is already available

What purpose was the anchor?

Did it ever really exist?

"Creating worlds" in a way. The anchor is believing thoughts that are ... laying over the immediately available.
I wouldn't say it's "gone" or anything like that. There's depth to this. There are nuances being seen at one point, and then they are just... gone again.


The body or whatever is ("these days") not strive too much from going back to:
"Is ‘I’ anywhere to be found in sensation that is always already available?".
Or just noticing the already available.

coming back to simplicity works good right now. Though I don't know what's going on actually.

How does it feel to ride the waves?

very immediate.

a lot of emotional work around doubt is coming up.
I have a feeling it's best to pick it up the moment it comes, even if that feels like slowing down.

Is ‘I’ anywhere to be found in sensation that is always already available?

Wow. even very hefty thoughts come, like a small voice saying "I wanna die". poor thing.

[daisyrain]

there is a yearning going on.
"no answer is found" and a diffuse yearning for, ??? comes.
At times a small voice interprets this as "oh, I wish Becc as here to...?"
yeah, and then the voce itself doesn't even know.

That movement get's more... um, i was much more subconsciously identified with it before, i think

[graceabounds]

Though I don't know what's going on actually.

Great, haha

:)
What is the direct, lived experience of this?

At times a small voice interprets this as "oh, I wish Becc as here to...?"

What is the thought overlay on Bec?

Is the yearning owned or free?

The anchor is believing thoughts that are ... laying over the immediately available.
I wouldn't say it's "gone" or anything like that. There's depth to this. There are nuances being seen at one point, and then they are just... gone again.

The thoughts do not need to disappear. Just be seen through, again and again, now... including the doubt thoughts.


What is here right now? Is anything missing?