Zenkitties, welcome here.

[Ilona]

Please tell your story, where are you at the moment, what do you expect from this conversation.

[zenkitties]

Hey illona,

thank you for adding me to the group.

where am I right now is somewhere beyond gate but not quite sure if there might of been a jarring back or not. To give a little background, in the first year of this character "nicks" experience of college I started taking up a lot of spiritual philosophy; maharaj, klein, mooji, adyashanti, anthony de mello, krishnamurti, vasistha yoga, osho, jed mckenna. These helped tremendously narrow down sight and helped me pull into a more zen like focus through meditation. However it didn't seem to be until I read one of Ciarans first posts that I finally realized no-self and became realized to what everyone seemed to be talking about. There was a small shift inside something that changed that day, although I'm not really sure what but now although I know the truth and feel it inside, that all of this reality is a facade/story in which everything plays out without a player, seeing without a seer. It still just feels like there is more to go, and I've heard that when people know they are arrived, they know. I just don't feel the same way as I first use to.

I know that the thing we call the ego is built up of all the ideas, concepts, and beliefs that have joined together over the last 24 years of this human organisms life to form what seems to be a personality, but that is nothing more than an illusion like a picture of a cherry blossomed tree in which shows its beauty through blobs of paint but doesn't have any actual real aspect in terms of being a real cherry blossom tree.

It feels like I may have cut only part of my head off, but haven't got the clean cut yet, please help me in this process or at least help me point the light in the right direction so I can finish the job myself.

Love,
The Kitties of Zen. ;)

[zenkitties]

I almost forgot, at this stand point right now. I have been trying to rid this organism of all of its conditioning, through a witness type technique and just being aware of the feelings inside of the human and seeing what is triggering and staying with the feeling (or riding it) until it passes.

I guess the expectation was that, most of the conditioning would drop away and I could easily pick off the rest of it with no-self realization but with the realization, life still went on where conditioning still affected the body, and I was still very reactive.

[Ilona]

thank you for nice intro.
let me ask you, how long has it been since seeing happened and what do you expect this liberation to be like?
what changes do you notice in you life since then? what seems not enough?

[zenkitties]

your welcome,

i'm not quite sure how long its been since i passed through. It has been quite some time (ever since Ciaran started posting on RT and began directing pointing with no you). I never reached those forums though because I didn't prefer pointing in the "ruthless way".

I'm not really sure what enlightenment was suppose to be like, everything changed but nothing changed at all. This was the most basic thing that was being seen when it happened. No one was there but roles were being played, emotions were being felt, and life was being lived. I guess the expectation of emanating calm safety to the outside world is the closest I can calm to that.

I recently saw this video of a man that is Brucing and talks about his enlightenment experience if you can call it that, and how this heart feeling was just overwhelmingly pushing itself outward toward everything it came into contact with:
http://vimeo.com/31918021.

I see that enlightenment is not the same with everyone, but I just don't feel any of that besides nothing being real, the story continues to play out, and some emptiness that is there.

Some changes I've noticed is I have this need to be as honest as possible with myself. Take in every emotions that comes in bad or good and to ride them all. I also feel that emotion is felt very deeply and sometimes it seems overwhelming for the body to experience that I wish I could just drift off to deep sleep and just carry the deep sleep on back to its source and not have to deal with the waking state.

I hope this helps diagnose if I've been integrating it wrong or if I'm missing something in terms of integration.

[Ilona]

Thank you. Looks like you could use some help in aftercare group where we discuss all that comes after including common traps. Let's just clarify that you got the no you thingy.

Theses are the basic questions that we ask when people cross the line. it helps us to see if the crossing happened fully.
Looks like you did.
Please answer in full as you see it.

1) Is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?

2) Explain in detail what the self is and how it works.

3) How does it feel to be liberated?

4) how would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about no you.

[zenkitties]

Hey Ilona,

here are the answers to the questions being asked:

1) No, there is no you outside of the thought of a you. The you is only comprised of thoughts, beliefs, and concepts, all smashed together to create an appearance of there being a "you" but is no more real then a painting of a mountain. Although it is a beautiful painting, it cannot be mistaken for the actual mountain nor is it the actual mountain. There is no seer, only seeing happening. There is no hearing, yet hearing happens. There does not have to be a "you" in order for these things to occur. The I thought is just a thought just like any other thought, that has taken refuge due to mistaken conditioning.

2)Like stated above, the self is nothing more then a conglomeration of conditioning that was programmed into the human organism at birth, built up from thoughts, beliefs, concepts, as well as environmental circumstances.

3) There is a slight shift to know there is no one living the life, but everything turns into a cosmic joke. Not only is there no you, but there is no body there. personalities are just personalities in many shapes and forms interacting playfully. To be liberated changes many things, but it also changes nothing at the same time.

4)Hmm this is a tough one because I've tried to describe it, and often come up with a lot of resistant things that tend to want to believe "they" exist. I would describe the fact that its like a stack of envelopes with glue in the middle of each one individually and because it is stacked it feels as if there is a marble in the middle of the stack. However you know very well there is no marble and that it is really just a collection of glue, one on top of the other. That is what "you" is like, thoughts on thoughts stacked to create the illusion of there being an actual entity but in reality there is no thing there. It is a facade, it doesn't exist and never has.

Hope this helps! :) Btw, happy new year ms. ilona, i might not be able to reply for a couple of days due to my moving and wedding circumstances (best friends getting married). But I will when I can! Thank you for the help! :)

[Ilona]

hey Zenkitties,

happy new year to you too :))
i see that you have seen what we are pointing to and i made you blue. the best help we can offer is aftercare group, where all your questions can be looked at resolved with help of others, who are going through similar experiences.
see you in there !

[zenkitties]

Hey Ilona!

It was a blast, got everything moved in and ready for the story of Nick to shift into a new chapter haha.

See you in the aftercare programs although you probably see me in a lot of groups such as Enlightenment Now, Unleashed, and Clearing House. :)

[zenkitties]

Also if anyone seems pulled to talk to me in any way shape or form, they can post either here (im not sure how this board works in particular) or message me, I'd be happy to help in the spare time I have.