Vacío y Libre

[Uliwen]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand, conceptually for now, that when inquiring deeply into our inner experience, a self, something that is there aside from the actual experience and can be referenced as "this is me" will not be found. I trust that this is possible but I am not finding this truth inside.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for guidance or pointing to help me do inquiry properly and to double check the experiences that I am having because most of the time I feel stuck. I have had some experiences like the following:
-When asking what am I? or who is listening to the sounds? I see that the immediate answer is purely conceptual, in the mind space. I can actually see a constricted form full of boundaries that is "me", something purely conceptual that I can see from a distance. However, after seeing that, I get stuck and I keep asking, ok, what do I do next?
-I have had two different experiences of something that I would call unbound consciousness, like glimpses of something entirely different of how I usually experience reality. In one of tham, I suddenly dropped into an inmense space that was what I would call consciousness, and every experience (a sound, a thought) were like tiny drops or atoms in that inmense dark space. I felt like there was no way I would lose it because it was clearly always there. However, some minutes later I went on with my life and even if at thte beginning it was still there, I lost it and now I am fixated with the memory of that and willing to go back
-I have also been able to feel something similar but not as intense, like an equanimity towards everything that was happening in my surroundings and just neutrality, as going into a different experiencial state. It is not easy to describe. I lost it as well
-I am not patient and I am not having that much time to purely meditate, so I would like to focus on inquiry but I think I have not fully grasped what inquiry is. (Inquiry as the exploration of a question such as: "what am I?" and trusting your instinct and rest waiting for the "answer" and not going to the thought/mind).

Just in case this helps a bit, I have some familiarity and interest in western mysticism as well as zen practices.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I am looking forward to grasping a practice and knowing that that practice is the way to go. I am afraid I have been reading and listening to pointers to a point where I think I have many options to work with and I don't seem to find what suits me in terms of practice. It would also be amazing to have someone pointing out my "mistakes" or what I am not seeing or just helping me look to the important.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I don't have a long experience with any spiritual practice. Very recently I have started deeply focusing in this and currently I am inquiring and meditating everyday, not for too long though. But I am afraid I keep most of my practice on the conceptual realm reading and listening to videos, that is my default mode, I overthink and overconceptualise everything. Even the things I feel are deeply true and instinctively important, my mind overconceptualises them and it's exhausting but a difficult pattern to break. I am determined though and I have faith that this can and will be broken

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[Antonio]

Hola Uliwen, soy Antonio.

Puedo ser tu guía en esta investigación.

Me he tomado la libertad de contestarte en español porque estamos en el foro correspondiente pero puedes decirme si te sientes más cómodo con el inglés y también, de paso, si prefieres que me dirija a ti por otro nombre diferente a Uliwen. Lo que tú prefieras.

Para empezar necesito que te familiarices con la función Quote para poder distinguir mejor las preguntas de las respuestas.


La idea es mantener una conversación fluida intentando contestar cada día o cada dos . Si surgen imprevistos y no podemos responder, nos avisamos tan pronto como sea posible.

También necesitas saber que todo el trabajo se basará en tu experiencia directa. Esto quiere decir que no ayudan las respuestas extraídas de libros o las opiniones que puedas formular en base a vídeos o conversaciones con terceros.

Dime por favor si tienes alguna duda.

Saludos.