LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Thoughts are automatic and there is no one thinking. Thoughts are also all centered around "me'..."me" is the center of the universe in thought and emotion form. The key is to see past the illusion of thought and the suffering it can create. To see reality as it is rather through the filter of "me" that is a delusion.
What are you looking for at LU?
Clarity and more shifting away from selfing over time...it looks like LU has a structure that points to blindspots and will help me see what is actually true in the moment. I've had deeper awakenings, but there is always more things to notice. To be here now more and more. And for community as I continue growing, walking through the fetters, etc.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Honest and direct pointing that challenges me to see my expectations, assumptions or other blindspots. I'm hoping for a guide who will point out where I'm getting stuck, patterns, etc. and remind me to. stay in the moment with sensation and feeling and awareness, the raw experience of now. I expect this to be a challenging process...but also very clarifying and opening.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I was a student of Adya for years and have been on the path for most of my life, studying various spiritual practices, listening to many different teachers. Utilizing inquiry, meditation, IFS, somatic and many modalities over the years. I find openings and awakenings in every day life and have had many including an NDE.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11
Unwinding
Re: Unwinding
Hi Nicole. My name is Ashton and I'll be your guide.
I think we'll have a fun time.
You can call me Ash or Ashton. Whatever works. Lmk what you want me to call you.
Anyways, the way this is going to work is I am going to put things that you say in quotes by copying a sentence or paragraph of yours that strikes me by placing that copied text inside of the quote function up above this textbox. It'll appear as [ quote ] (copied text here) [ /quote ] except there won't be spaces. You'll do the same when answering my questions. Simple enough, right?!
When I ask you these questions, I do not want you to tell me your answer from thought. Never! You can tell me your answer a) as your experience is currently happening and you notice what is currently happening as your experience unfolds or b) via memory.
To clarify, you CAN tell me "Ash, thought is/was coming up and it was saying xyz thing". But that is drastically different than forming your answer FROM thought. See how that example is different? That statement would have been formed through experience being seen directly and/or memory.
What you said here hit me and this will be the first thing we examine:
To see reality as it is...
And if sense of self arises...
Are you seeing that as the reality that currently is?
And if as a chain of events:
1. sense of self arises
2. Thought occurs of "ugh, I'm not seeing reality as it is"
3. Bad feelings arise
Isn't that reality as it is?
Or if
1. Sense of self arises
2. It feels 'so you' or 'soooo real'
If that's what happens...
Isn't that, still, reality as it is?
Don't answer either from thought.
Look.
Observe.
Let it marinate a little.
Report me back your findings.
Ash.
I think we'll have a fun time.
You can call me Ash or Ashton. Whatever works. Lmk what you want me to call you.
Anyways, the way this is going to work is I am going to put things that you say in quotes by copying a sentence or paragraph of yours that strikes me by placing that copied text inside of the quote function up above this textbox. It'll appear as [ quote ] (copied text here) [ /quote ] except there won't be spaces. You'll do the same when answering my questions. Simple enough, right?!
When I ask you these questions, I do not want you to tell me your answer from thought. Never! You can tell me your answer a) as your experience is currently happening and you notice what is currently happening as your experience unfolds or b) via memory.
To clarify, you CAN tell me "Ash, thought is/was coming up and it was saying xyz thing". But that is drastically different than forming your answer FROM thought. See how that example is different? That statement would have been formed through experience being seen directly and/or memory.
What you said here hit me and this will be the first thing we examine:
To see reality as it is...To see reality as it is rather through the filter of "me" that is a delusion.
To see reality as it is...
And if sense of self arises...
Are you seeing that as the reality that currently is?
And if as a chain of events:
1. sense of self arises
2. Thought occurs of "ugh, I'm not seeing reality as it is"
3. Bad feelings arise
Isn't that reality as it is?
Or if
1. Sense of self arises
2. It feels 'so you' or 'soooo real'
If that's what happens...
Isn't that, still, reality as it is?
Don't answer either from thought.
Look.
Observe.
Let it marinate a little.
Report me back your findings.
Ash.
-
beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Hi Ash!
I really enjoyed your first message...so much lightness and joy when I read it. You may call me Nicole. :)
So what I experienced was ease, lightness and a sense of joy when I read your message, specifically starting with
I so enjoy sensing and answering from the no-thought place. I'm going to play with this more today and beyond...
with gratitude -
Nicole
I really enjoyed your first message...so much lightness and joy when I read it. You may call me Nicole. :)
So what I experienced was ease, lightness and a sense of joy when I read your message, specifically starting with
It is all reality...the rising of self, the yuk feelings, the expansion and lightness and the not rising of self when I 'feel' like the big open sky. That makes me giggle thinking about it. How light all of it feels when re-reading your pointers. But what happens when you see without perceptual filters? How would I describe that? The times when I can't seem to find who is looking and the aperture is wide open...some times thoughts bubble up, but there is no weight to them during those times. That is also reality, but a non-filtered reality? A place that doesn't have any tinting or weights or expectations or assumptions or...hmmm..."And if sense of self arises...
Are you seeing that as the reality that currently is?"
I so enjoy sensing and answering from the no-thought place. I'm going to play with this more today and beyond...
with gratitude -
Nicole
Re: Unwinding
Hi Nicole :),
Let's unpack a little bit:
1. Reading arose
2. Ease, lightness, and a sense of joy arose
And so it happened that way, yeah?
Did you say "Hey, experience! Make it so reading happens! Then after that, have it so sensations of ease, lightness, and a sense of joy arise!"
Did you say that before each of those things happened?
Or did they just arise, spontaneously, on their own?
The ease...
The lightness...
The sense of joy...
They all just arose, yeah?
They never asked your permission to enter your experience, did they?
They just entered your experience, yeah?
Look back on it.
Reflect.
1. Looking to see "who is looking" arises
2. What gets noticed is that the "aperture is wide open"
3. Looking is still going on, but no apparent looker is found
Okay.
And so it happened that way.
Another chain of events.
Did you say "Hey, experience! Make it so looking to see who is looking arises! Then make it so what gets noticed is the aperture is wide open! Then after that, make it so looking is still going on, but maybe also with a sense of confusion because a looker wasn't found!"
Did you say that to make all of that happen?
Or did that, too, just happen that way?
All on its own?
Same too, without asking for your permission to happen that way?
Maybe that chain happened, and another link in the chain occurred. Maybe a thought or a felt sense of "But a looker should be found!" Or "I'm not doing this right" or "if only...!"
Maybe something like that arose.
And if it did, then it did.
Still just arose on its own, yeah?
Look back.
Reflect.
Maybe there wasn't as much clarity as you would have wished would have been there in that moment.
Is clarity also just something that arises on its own?
Is it the case that sometimes there arises 0% clarity?
Other times 50% clarity?
Other times 100% clarity?
And in each one of those scenarios...
The level or lack there of regarding % of clarity...
Just arises on its own, too, yeah?
Check and see.
Let me know of what you find.
Ash :)
Let's unpack a little bit:
Let's look at the chain of events that occurred:I really enjoyed your first message...so much lightness and joy when I read it. You may call me Nicole. :)
So what I experienced was ease, lightness and a sense of joy when I read your message
1. Reading arose
2. Ease, lightness, and a sense of joy arose
And so it happened that way, yeah?
Did you say "Hey, experience! Make it so reading happens! Then after that, have it so sensations of ease, lightness, and a sense of joy arise!"
Did you say that before each of those things happened?
Or did they just arise, spontaneously, on their own?
The ease...
The lightness...
The sense of joy...
They all just arose, yeah?
They never asked your permission to enter your experience, did they?
They just entered your experience, yeah?
Look back on it.
Reflect.
And then you said:It is all reality...the rising of self, the yuk feelings, the expansion and lightness and the not rising of self when I 'feel' like the big open sky.
Let's break that down a little bit more.How would I describe that? The times when I can't seem to find who is looking and the aperture is wide open...some times thoughts bubble up, but there is no weight to them during those times.
1. Looking to see "who is looking" arises
2. What gets noticed is that the "aperture is wide open"
3. Looking is still going on, but no apparent looker is found
Okay.
And so it happened that way.
Another chain of events.
Did you say "Hey, experience! Make it so looking to see who is looking arises! Then make it so what gets noticed is the aperture is wide open! Then after that, make it so looking is still going on, but maybe also with a sense of confusion because a looker wasn't found!"
Did you say that to make all of that happen?
Or did that, too, just happen that way?
All on its own?
Same too, without asking for your permission to happen that way?
Maybe that chain happened, and another link in the chain occurred. Maybe a thought or a felt sense of "But a looker should be found!" Or "I'm not doing this right" or "if only...!"
Maybe something like that arose.
And if it did, then it did.
Still just arose on its own, yeah?
Look back.
Reflect.
Maybe there wasn't as much clarity as you would have wished would have been there in that moment.
Is clarity also just something that arises on its own?
Is it the case that sometimes there arises 0% clarity?
Other times 50% clarity?
Other times 100% clarity?
And in each one of those scenarios...
The level or lack there of regarding % of clarity...
Just arises on its own, too, yeah?
Check and see.
Let me know of what you find.
Ash :)
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beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Good morning, Ash! ☀️
How are you? How is SD? We had a major rainstorm last night...it was lovely but my doggo did not like it so much. 🙃
Thank you for the reply...it made my brain go quite wonky...which I absolutely love bc that means patterns are changing. I have not had that sensation in a while. I plan to sit with this for a bit before properly replying. The initial knowing is nope, I have no control over experience or much in life. Life flows through and around me.
Much gratitude -✨
Nicole
How are you? How is SD? We had a major rainstorm last night...it was lovely but my doggo did not like it so much. 🙃
Thank you for the reply...it made my brain go quite wonky...which I absolutely love bc that means patterns are changing. I have not had that sensation in a while. I plan to sit with this for a bit before properly replying. The initial knowing is nope, I have no control over experience or much in life. Life flows through and around me.
Much gratitude -✨
Nicole
Re: Unwinding
Haha good morning Nicole,
South Dakota is good. I've been here for 5 years now. I used to not like it so much. Tbh ever since post awakening for me, I realized it was never a problem. It kinda made it to where it's opened me up as a person; it's made it to where I know what I want... am not apologetic about it... I can associate with people even with nervousness present (assuming I actually want to).
Needless to say, I like it now. It's resulted in my exploring it more. And it's nice. Maybe in the future I might have my eyes on south America. We'll see. But it's good. Been hot these past couple of weeks but it's starting to cool down.
How about you?
1. Wonky
2. Love
Ash :)
South Dakota is good. I've been here for 5 years now. I used to not like it so much. Tbh ever since post awakening for me, I realized it was never a problem. It kinda made it to where it's opened me up as a person; it's made it to where I know what I want... am not apologetic about it... I can associate with people even with nervousness present (assuming I actually want to).
Needless to say, I like it now. It's resulted in my exploring it more. And it's nice. Maybe in the future I might have my eyes on south America. We'll see. But it's good. Been hot these past couple of weeks but it's starting to cool down.
How about you?
Take as long as you needI plan to sit with this for a bit before properly replying
And so it arose that way, hehe.Thank you for the reply...it made my brain go quite wonky...which I absolutely love
1. Wonky
2. Love
3. Thought content (perfectly okay!)bc that means patterns are changing
Ash :)
-
beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Hi again, Ash! :)
How are the winters in SD? It lovely in summer....I've been in the middle of VA since 2010. It's beautiful in the mountains, close to the shore and near DC and lots of US history...but felt the call to move begin last year...now the 'where' is percolating. I had thought Argentina (have not yet been) this year, but life is flowing differently now...we'll see! I absolutely loved Spain when I visited last year.
It's great you know what you desire unapologetically. I so find directness refreshing and gravitate towards it. I have not been wanting to associate with people as of late. Through this process I've gone through periods of shedding relationships and it seems I'm coming through another. And a deep need to do this season alone...almost like its shedding me of structures of/stories around connection and I feel the sense of becoming smaller and smaller and expansive all at the same time.
Good catch on the patterns comment, thought sneaks in...which is fine...but nice to notice! Clarity seems to evolve over time and at times it's one big bang. And all that is just flowing...I cannot force it or create it or change it. All arising...
As I continue noodling on your last message, I feel it sinking deeper and deeper. And I love the synchronicity that appeared...re-reading one of Adya's books and the chapter that came right after reading your previous message was 'Control". 🙌
will continue noodling!
🦋Nicole
How are the winters in SD? It lovely in summer....I've been in the middle of VA since 2010. It's beautiful in the mountains, close to the shore and near DC and lots of US history...but felt the call to move begin last year...now the 'where' is percolating. I had thought Argentina (have not yet been) this year, but life is flowing differently now...we'll see! I absolutely loved Spain when I visited last year.
It's great you know what you desire unapologetically. I so find directness refreshing and gravitate towards it. I have not been wanting to associate with people as of late. Through this process I've gone through periods of shedding relationships and it seems I'm coming through another. And a deep need to do this season alone...almost like its shedding me of structures of/stories around connection and I feel the sense of becoming smaller and smaller and expansive all at the same time.
Good catch on the patterns comment, thought sneaks in...which is fine...but nice to notice! Clarity seems to evolve over time and at times it's one big bang. And all that is just flowing...I cannot force it or create it or change it. All arising...
As I continue noodling on your last message, I feel it sinking deeper and deeper. And I love the synchronicity that appeared...re-reading one of Adya's books and the chapter that came right after reading your previous message was 'Control". 🙌
will continue noodling!
🦋Nicole
Re: Unwinding
Good afternoon Nicole (or night for you, hah),
The winters over here vary quite a lot. Definitely temperamental. There was a time where it was -40 or so for 2 weeks straight and I had snow up to my knees. Last winter wasn't harsh at all. It's definitely a place with 4 seasons which makes it pretty cool, I'm not gonna lie. You can kind of find something to do at each time of the year. I used to live in NC for most of my life. I bet it's pretty similar to VA... hot and humid! Yuk! Lol.
What's drawing you towards moving and what are you kind of looking for?
Also, cool hobbies and dog name btw :)
Ash.
The winters over here vary quite a lot. Definitely temperamental. There was a time where it was -40 or so for 2 weeks straight and I had snow up to my knees. Last winter wasn't harsh at all. It's definitely a place with 4 seasons which makes it pretty cool, I'm not gonna lie. You can kind of find something to do at each time of the year. I used to live in NC for most of my life. I bet it's pretty similar to VA... hot and humid! Yuk! Lol.
What's drawing you towards moving and what are you kind of looking for?
Also, cool hobbies and dog name btw :)
Ash.
-
beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Howdy Ash! 🤠
That sounds like a mighty harsh winter...-40?!?😳 I absolutely enjoy the seasons...there is something very natural about living with them and allowing energy to ebb and flow with it. Although, for me I appreciate more mild winters these days...love snow, but not ice or crazy cold. Riggs on the other hand keeps telling me he is moving to Canada. He is a large and fuzzy Bernese Mountain Dog who is silly, sassy, sweet and smart. I'm glad you enjoy his name. :)
NC is very much like here...although Asheville is a milder climate and love the natural beauty there. Its changed so much in the last 8 years. I usually feel a somatic pull and lightness when I'm to follow....whether it is moving or any sort of inspired action. I enjoy seasons, I don't want warmer, but I don't desire too much colder either...I have always enjoyed the west...there's a lightness there. I would love to eventually be able to live part of the year in the US and part in another culture. As for knowing its time to consider moving...I could feel doors closing last year, relationships ending and a general 'feeling' that I've done what I was meant to do...start prepping for the next phase. All this was not thinking, just feeling and sensing and observing. How did you choose SD? And how did you know it was time?
As for the people part...my mind wants to get involved in the current isolation and make a big deal about it. It feels like I'm in a cocoon right now and when I go outside of it, it feels yuk. Have you experienced anything similar?
Okay...back to the task at hand too...but isn't all of this the task at hand? 😉
My head no longer goes wonky upon reading your message. Clarity comes and goes, sensation comes and goes, wonky comes and goes, all of it comes and goes on its on without any finagling from me. The chain of events unfolds and noticing happens, sometimes thought spins up to commentate or do what it does.
What has been up in my world since Saturday has been a lot of fatigue, brain heaviness, body heaviness. I have gone through periods of this off and on since I had an NDE. My mind wants to spin up a story around it and also the emotion of frustration around the drag of this 'fatigue' is present off and on. I've been sitting with it much like I sit with your message...today the frustration and resistance continues...so I'm sitting, noticing and being...
Joy-filled Tuesday to you!
Nicole✨
That sounds like a mighty harsh winter...-40?!?😳 I absolutely enjoy the seasons...there is something very natural about living with them and allowing energy to ebb and flow with it. Although, for me I appreciate more mild winters these days...love snow, but not ice or crazy cold. Riggs on the other hand keeps telling me he is moving to Canada. He is a large and fuzzy Bernese Mountain Dog who is silly, sassy, sweet and smart. I'm glad you enjoy his name. :)
NC is very much like here...although Asheville is a milder climate and love the natural beauty there. Its changed so much in the last 8 years. I usually feel a somatic pull and lightness when I'm to follow....whether it is moving or any sort of inspired action. I enjoy seasons, I don't want warmer, but I don't desire too much colder either...I have always enjoyed the west...there's a lightness there. I would love to eventually be able to live part of the year in the US and part in another culture. As for knowing its time to consider moving...I could feel doors closing last year, relationships ending and a general 'feeling' that I've done what I was meant to do...start prepping for the next phase. All this was not thinking, just feeling and sensing and observing. How did you choose SD? And how did you know it was time?
As for the people part...my mind wants to get involved in the current isolation and make a big deal about it. It feels like I'm in a cocoon right now and when I go outside of it, it feels yuk. Have you experienced anything similar?
Okay...back to the task at hand too...but isn't all of this the task at hand? 😉
My head no longer goes wonky upon reading your message. Clarity comes and goes, sensation comes and goes, wonky comes and goes, all of it comes and goes on its on without any finagling from me. The chain of events unfolds and noticing happens, sometimes thought spins up to commentate or do what it does.
What has been up in my world since Saturday has been a lot of fatigue, brain heaviness, body heaviness. I have gone through periods of this off and on since I had an NDE. My mind wants to spin up a story around it and also the emotion of frustration around the drag of this 'fatigue' is present off and on. I've been sitting with it much like I sit with your message...today the frustration and resistance continues...so I'm sitting, noticing and being...
Joy-filled Tuesday to you!
Nicole✨
Re: Unwinding
Happy Tuesday Nicole,
How far west have you been?
Some of my favorites so far have been northern Montana and Idaho. I never got to explore places like Oregon, Washington, or California, but I think it'd be amazing. Maybe at some point do some outdoor rock climbing. I really want to learn that. I like bouldering at an indoor gym we've got on occasion.
The more I catch myself writing, I think we should take to the dms lol. Remind me of everything else I didn't get to... lots of stories especially how I got to SD. Anyways, I'll do my part I'm supposed to be here to do now, hah.
Even the decision to notice and be as a reaction that got chosen. That too?
Even if it came up with visceral sensations that feel like somebody or something made that choice.
If it did occur that way at all, can you see that That too also arose without asking for permission to arise that way?
Hmu privately about all the other stuff. I find it all really cool. You can share more and I can answer the rest. We can discuss all the neat stuff in our own little corner 😅🙃
Ash
Lol I prefer just enough to have fun but not enough to cause too much chaos 😁. Maybe enough for some skiing. Although I partly want to try my hand... or feet at snowboarding some time.Although, for me I appreciate more mild winters these days...love snow, but not ice or crazy cold
It sounds like you should've named him something that starts with an S haha.Riggs on the other hand keeps telling me he is moving to Canada. He is a large and fuzzy Bernese Mountain Dog who is silly, sassy, sweet and smart. I'm glad you enjoy his name. :)
I wonder how much? I lived south of Charlotte from about 06 til 2020. Where I was at it was definitely growing though. I really loved the mountains there. For hiking and for skiing. Skiing I remember my first time was at sugar mountain, then at beech, and then somewhere in TN called Cataloochee; that was awesome.NC is very much like here...although Asheville is a milder climate and love the natural beauty there. Its changed so much in the last 8 years.
It's nice when that happens, it makes it feel all so natural and there usually isn't much questioning or second guessing ;)I usually feel a somatic pull and lightness when I'm to follow....whether it is moving or any sort of inspired action.
How far west have you been?
Some of my favorites so far have been northern Montana and Idaho. I never got to explore places like Oregon, Washington, or California, but I think it'd be amazing. Maybe at some point do some outdoor rock climbing. I really want to learn that. I like bouldering at an indoor gym we've got on occasion.
I shit you not... something like that is kind of a dream of mine. I'm not 100% on dual citizenship. There's a guy called nomad capitalist; an interesting fellow hehe but anyways, I think it'd be neat to explore being a "global citizen" as he calls it.. have passports and residencies established in multiple countries. Man. Don't get me going! Lol. I do know some Spanish btw! Totally want to explore other countries... other cultures... other philosophies and ways of life... man.I would love to eventually be able to live part of the year in the US and part in another culture. As for knowing its time to consider moving..
The more I catch myself writing, I think we should take to the dms lol. Remind me of everything else I didn't get to... lots of stories especially how I got to SD. Anyways, I'll do my part I'm supposed to be here to do now, hah.
That's how I took it 🤭Okay...back to the task at hand too...but isn't all of this the task at hand? 😉
Honestly I don't have a single thing to nit pick here or shine a light on.My head no longer goes wonky upon reading your message. Clarity comes and goes, sensation comes and goes, wonky comes and goes, all of it comes and goes on its on without any finagling from me. The chain of events unfolds and noticing happens, sometimes thought spins up to commentate or do what it does.
And you can see all of those things as just things that independently arose... same too, all on their own?today the frustration and resistance continues...so I'm sitting, noticing and being...
Even the decision to notice and be as a reaction that got chosen. That too?
Even if it came up with visceral sensations that feel like somebody or something made that choice.
If it did occur that way at all, can you see that That too also arose without asking for permission to arise that way?
Hmu privately about all the other stuff. I find it all really cool. You can share more and I can answer the rest. We can discuss all the neat stuff in our own little corner 😅🙃
Ash
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beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Good morning, Ash!
Can you say more about
Of interesting note...the extinction burst from the workhorse part of my personality yesterday was quite strong. The thoughts were fighting the fatigue and the inaction...not going quietly...fear of survival and grief for extinction. It felt discombobulating and interesting to notice all at the same time and also arose sense of this may never end. After a sleep, the bursts have faded and sense of expansion and ease are here in this moment. Such an interesting journey.✨
In gratitude -🙏
Nicole
The light continues to shine any way!🔆Honestly I don't have a single thing to nit pick here or shine a light on.
Absolutely...chains keep chaining...sensations and thoughts and other keep rising and falling out of the sky. Yep, to the decision to sit back and notice and be = reaction..that got chosen.And you can see all of those things as just things that independently arose... same too, all on their own?
Can you say more about
visceral sensations that feel like somebody or something made that choice.
Nothing asked my permission at all to arise!If it did occur that way at all, can you see that That too also arose without asking for permission to arise that way?
Of interesting note...the extinction burst from the workhorse part of my personality yesterday was quite strong. The thoughts were fighting the fatigue and the inaction...not going quietly...fear of survival and grief for extinction. It felt discombobulating and interesting to notice all at the same time and also arose sense of this may never end. After a sleep, the bursts have faded and sense of expansion and ease are here in this moment. Such an interesting journey.✨
In gratitude -🙏
Nicole
Re: Unwinding
Good morning Nicole,
Whenever choice gets made?
Or is even that clearly seen through as just another thing that arises? Even if at times it may feel innately personal.
Either way I get what you mean... you might just have to bring me to your level so I'm on the same page as you lol.
It seems like you are beginning to see it all as a process though... a sort of dance that happens. Yeah?
I guess really...
Do you have anything currently that seems like a "hangup" to you before I ask some questions tied to your experience? Because to me it seems like a shift has happened. You are describing reality as it presents itself. Yeah. Good stuff Nicole!
Cheers 🥂,
Ash
Do you still perceive there to be a chooser if you will?Yep, to the decision to sit back and notice and be = reaction..that got chosen.
Whenever choice gets made?
Or is even that clearly seen through as just another thing that arises? Even if at times it may feel innately personal.
A fear concerning literal extinction or fear of self as you always knew it dropping?Of interesting note...the extinction burst from the workhorse part of my personality yesterday was quite strong. The thoughts were fighting the fatigue and the inaction...not going quietly...fear of survival and grief for extinction.
Either way I get what you mean... you might just have to bring me to your level so I'm on the same page as you lol.
It seems like you are beginning to see it all as a process though... a sort of dance that happens. Yeah?
It can definitely feel all of those different things at times. Everything sort of at some point gets through the wringer. The good, the bad. The pleasant, the unpleasant. The bleh. The meh. It seems like you are seeing it all play out, however it comes up, however it wants to present itself. Is that accurate?It felt discombobulating and interesting to notice all at the same time and also arose sense of this may never end. After a sleep, the bursts have faded and sense of expansion and ease are here in this moment. Such an interesting journey.✨
I guess really...
Do you have anything currently that seems like a "hangup" to you before I ask some questions tied to your experience? Because to me it seems like a shift has happened. You are describing reality as it presents itself. Yeah. Good stuff Nicole!
Cheers 🥂,
Ash
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beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Good morning!!
Life has been wild the last couple of days...all interesting and flowing with it!
Feel free to ask questions! The mornings are a hangup still...it seems when I wake up the thoughts/identities/whatever we want to call it spin up. I usually see it, but then I resist/get frustrated. Some days, I simply tune into the somatics and other sensing and remain noticing the big sky regardless of what else is spinning up...other days it's a struggle.
Grazie!✨
Nicole🦋
Life has been wild the last couple of days...all interesting and flowing with it!
The chooser arises still at times and falls away just like all the other things. Some times I get entangled with it just like I might get snagged by some sort of thought.Do you still perceive there to be a chooser if you will?
Whenever choice gets made?
No, not extinction fear. I went through that a few years back...boy that was fun. 🙃 Have you heard of IFS? its a way to do shadow work...this is a part of my identity that grew from conditioning of worth = work; extinction bursts are the final "yelling" of this identity that gets really loud right before it integrates into self. It was a fundamental aspect and I did not realize how it was still carrying out its identity until recently. Does this make sense?A fear concerning literal extinction or fear of self as you always knew it dropping?
And absolutely...it is all a dance. That's a good reminder of the process. And what arises...do you stay awake to the arising or do you get lost in it.sort of dance that happens. Yeah?
Yes - again sometimes I still get lost in it, but it's more and more infrequent the deeper we go.mes up, however it wants to present itself. Is that accurate?
Feel free to ask questions! The mornings are a hangup still...it seems when I wake up the thoughts/identities/whatever we want to call it spin up. I usually see it, but then I resist/get frustrated. Some days, I simply tune into the somatics and other sensing and remain noticing the big sky regardless of what else is spinning up...other days it's a struggle.
Grazie!✨
Nicole🦋
Re: Unwinding
Good morning!
1. Chooser arises
2. Entanglement / resisting / friction towards it arises
3. Maybe some thoughts or visceral sensations arise of "that not being perfect"
Even when the chain of events resembles something similar to that...
Can you see even That chain of events as just another chain of events that arose?
Even still, I bet you didn't ask experience to bring on friction. You didn't ask perception to arise of chains 1 and 2 being not perfect to arise.
It still just arose all on its own, yeah?
Sort of a common theme here haha 😆😁
Look back on it
You're much more than your work btw! I've never seen you work, and only know you from chatting, so I can say that and mean it! 🤭😉🙂
Is it the case that sometimes you get lost in things?
And sometimes you see events as events?
Are both of those things just things that arise, all on their own? Just like everything else we've looked at?
Take a look ;)
Can you see that even the times when "getting lost" occurs, it, too, is simply just another event in the chain that arises?
Reflect back on some of those times.
1. Waking up occurs
2. Thoughts / identities arise
3. That gets noticed
4. Notion arises that chain 2 shouldnt arise, accompanied with Resisting and frustration arising
Something like that?
What if chain 5 could arise of: "omg! Each and every one of those events in the chain were just events that arose on their own! Even the thoughts and identities arising! Even the notion that those things "shouldn't arise" was just another arising! Even the resistance and frustration that came after! Holy s*!" Ash!
Hahaha.
You've got it.
It's just an arising.
All of it.
Even the stuff that might seem messy. Or seem imperfect.
Look back on those mornings.
Each and every one of them.
You didn't say "Hey, experience! Make it so thoughts and identities arise! Then after that make it so that gets noticed! Then make it so after that, I feel like something is going wrong! Then after that, make it so that frustration ensues!"
Did you have to say that for all of those things to arise?
Or did even those! Even those, just arise, without ever having asked your permission?
- Ash 😎🤓
Nice 😊Life has been wild the last couple of days...all interesting and flowing with it!
Let's have a look at this. As a chain of events, sometimes:The chooser arises still at times and falls away just like all the other things. Some times I get entangled with it just like I might get snagged by some sort of thought.
1. Chooser arises
2. Entanglement / resisting / friction towards it arises
3. Maybe some thoughts or visceral sensations arise of "that not being perfect"
Even when the chain of events resembles something similar to that...
Can you see even That chain of events as just another chain of events that arose?
Even still, I bet you didn't ask experience to bring on friction. You didn't ask perception to arise of chains 1 and 2 being not perfect to arise.
It still just arose all on its own, yeah?
Sort of a common theme here haha 😆😁
Look back on it
Ahh, interesting. I had a coworker at a previous job that said he was working with Internal family systems, right? That's the only time I ever heard of it. I might be getting two things mixed up with what I'm about to say because I think he may have been having 2 types of therapy done... but is it something where you kind of look at the "kid you"? And you try to help the kid you see that stuff that happened was okay (or not okay)? That's about all I know of it.Have you heard of IFS? its a way to do shadow work...this is a part of my identity that grew from conditioning of worth = work; extinction bursts are the final "yelling" of this identity that gets really loud right before it integrates into self. It was a fundamental aspect and I did not realize how it was still carrying out its identity until recently. Does this make sense?
You're much more than your work btw! I've never seen you work, and only know you from chatting, so I can say that and mean it! 🤭😉🙂
Look in your own experience.do you stay awake to the arising or do you get lost in it.
Is it the case that sometimes you get lost in things?
And sometimes you see events as events?
Are both of those things just things that arise, all on their own? Just like everything else we've looked at?
Take a look ;)
Is there a thought or expectation that may sometimes arise of "there's a place where getting lost in it will never happen"?sometimes I still get lost in it, but it's more and more infrequent the deeper we go.
Can you see that even the times when "getting lost" occurs, it, too, is simply just another event in the chain that arises?
Reflect back on some of those times.
Ahhhh, we are going to bust this wide open!when I wake up the thoughts/identities/whatever we want to call it spin up. I usually see it, but then I resist/get frustrated
1. Waking up occurs
2. Thoughts / identities arise
3. That gets noticed
4. Notion arises that chain 2 shouldnt arise, accompanied with Resisting and frustration arising
Something like that?
What if chain 5 could arise of: "omg! Each and every one of those events in the chain were just events that arose on their own! Even the thoughts and identities arising! Even the notion that those things "shouldn't arise" was just another arising! Even the resistance and frustration that came after! Holy s*!" Ash!
Hahaha.
You've got it.
It's just an arising.
All of it.
Even the stuff that might seem messy. Or seem imperfect.
Look back on those mornings.
Each and every one of them.
You didn't say "Hey, experience! Make it so thoughts and identities arise! Then after that make it so that gets noticed! Then make it so after that, I feel like something is going wrong! Then after that, make it so that frustration ensues!"
Did you have to say that for all of those things to arise?
Or did even those! Even those, just arise, without ever having asked your permission?
I think you already know the exact questions I would ask here as well.Some days, I simply tune into the somatics and other sensing and remain noticing the big sky regardless of what else is spinning up...other days it's a struggle.
- Ash 😎🤓
-
beingnicole
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2026 4:27 am
- Location: Virginia
Re: Unwinding
Good morning, Ash!
Yes, I'm definitely starting to see a pattern here. hahahahaha Chains of events and sensations...all just arising...no control...even the expectation or resistance or assumptions or annoyance...the creation of friction...just arising and passing. All various chains that arise and go again. And definitely I did NOT ask to bring on the friction or grief or whatever.
Yes, IFS - internal family systems - you can use it in therapy or on your own and addresses traumatized younger aspects of you. Parts that feel abandoned or some other wound. It felt quite strange at first...but it's been so healing working with those aspects bc they are the ones that are reacting to various things that arise.
Yep, sometimes lost, sometimes aware....just arising again!
Yes, I'm definitely starting to see a pattern here. hahahahaha Chains of events and sensations...all just arising...no control...even the expectation or resistance or assumptions or annoyance...the creation of friction...just arising and passing. All various chains that arise and go again. And definitely I did NOT ask to bring on the friction or grief or whatever.
Yes, IFS - internal family systems - you can use it in therapy or on your own and addresses traumatized younger aspects of you. Parts that feel abandoned or some other wound. It felt quite strange at first...but it's been so healing working with those aspects bc they are the ones that are reacting to various things that arise.
Thanks for the reminder!!🦋You're much more than your work btw! I've never seen you work, and only know you from chatting, so I can say that and mean it! 🤭😉🙂
Yep, sometimes lost, sometimes aware....just arising again!
Is there a thought or expectation tis no end to sensing and life and awakening...a part probably thinks there's some destination we will get to!
hahahaahah I definitely did not ask experience for all those events.Holy s*!" Ash!
Hope you had a great weekend!🦋
Nicole
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