Seeking Liberation

[EmmaDaley]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand that the 'self' is a concept or thought structure that is created by the human brain. It results in separation from experience as a coping mechanism. The 'self' that the brain makes up can be very complex (well developed ego) or it can be very simple (in the pure "I am" sense).

What are you looking for at LU?
I am seeking to experience what is beyond the 'self' that my brain is making up. I feel that sense of 'self' in every experience that I have and it feels like the walls of a cage. I don't experience looking at clouds, I experience the 'self' looking at clouds. I don't experience hearing a bird, I experience the 'self' hearing a bird. Every experience I have is filtered through the 'self' having that experience. In my experience, 'self' is all that there is and it is everywhere that I look. I want to know what is beyond the 'self'. What is it like to not have this filter over every experience? I want to know the truth because what I am currently experiencing feels distorted.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect the guide to lead me to consider things I have never considered before. Or explore parts of myself that I have never explored before. I do not expect it to be easy. In fact, I expect it to be quite difficult and uncomfortable. I understand that it may or may not lead to liberation, and that's okay.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I first learnt how to meditate about three years ago. During that time I found the work of Angelo DiLullo and read his book Awake. Since then I have had a daily meditation practice on and off; I have read many books around spirituality and waking up; and I have attended three of Angelo's online meditation retreats. In the past eighteen months I have had a lot of shadow material surface and I have been moving through that with various facilitators.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[ashton]

Hi Emma. My name is Ashton and I'll be your guide.
I think we'll have a great time.
You can call me Ash or Ashton. Whatever works. Lmk what you want me to call you.

Anyways, the way this is going to work is I am going to put things that you say in quotes by copying a sentence or paragraph of yours that strikes me by placing that copied text inside of the quote function up above this textbox. It'll appear as [ quote ] (copied text here) [ /quote ] except there won't be spaces. You'll do the same when answering my questions. Simple enough, right?!

When I ask you these questions, I do not want you to tell me your answer from thought. Never! You can tell me your answer a) as your experience is currently happening and you notice what is currently happening as your experience unfolds or b) via memory.

To clarify, you CAN tell me "Ash, thought is/was coming up and it was saying xyz thing". But that is drastically different than forming your answer FROM thought. See how that example is different? That statement would have been formed through experience being seen directly and/or memory.

What you said here hit me and this will be the first thing we examine:

I feel that sense of 'self' in every experience that I have and it feels like the walls of a cage.

Wrong.

Here was your chain of experience more accurately:
1. A thought arose containing the notion that the sense of 'self' is present in each and every experience.
2. Buying into that thought occurred
....
"3". Some sort of active looking occurred on its own to try and find sense of self in every fragment of experience
4. Feelings of walls of a cage arose

That's all that happened! (Roughly speaking!)

So what?
So what thought arose containing the notion that sense of self is in every fragment of experience?
Don't answer either of those. It's rhetorical.
It arose.

So what buying into that thought occurred? Also rhetorical
It arose. Buying into that thought arose. That was your present experience in the 2nd chain.

And then the active looking occurred to make it fit into that box to prove that thought correct.
Okay.
That's what occurred.

Then feeling like walls in a cage happened.
And so it happened.

Did you say before it all happened: "Hey, experience! Have this thought that sense of self is everywhere! Then after that, buy into it! Then after that, start looking at reality through that lens! Then after that, have feelings of feeling stuck in walls of a cage!"
Or did all of that just happen on its own?

Reflect back.
Use memory.
Tell me if that happened. I don't think you told experience to happen that way.
I think it just happened that way.

But don't tell me that to tell me that.
Honestly look back.
Reflect.
It just happened, didn't it?
There was no predicting all 4 of those chains would happen, was there?
Those 4 chains just happened as they did, yeah?
On their own, yeah?

Huh. Wild.

Ash.

[EmmaDaley]

Hi Ash,

Thank you for your response. I no longer need your guidance. I have walked through the gate. There is no longer a 'Self', only this.

Thanks again,
Emma

[ashton]

Okay, congrats and cheers!
Lmk if anything difficult comes up if you need/wish.

Ash.