jacki

[Quincy]

Thank you.

Love,
Jacki

[Quincy]

Hi Stacy,

I'm getting back on track but still no shift.

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Relax & take your time.

Loving,

[Quincy]

Even though I know awakening only happens now, there is still a subtle expectation. I guess I just have to inquire into this. Everything seems really subtle at this point, the thoughts, the feelings. I'm trying to find the sweet spot between alert and relaxed. When I'm outside I allow my attention to go into the senses. It feels natural and intuitive. When meditating I go into the thought-space and notice thoughts as they appear and disappear. If feelings come up I stay with the feelings and allow them to pass.
The sense I have the most trouble staying with is taste. This is very strange. When I'm eating I try to stay with the textures and taste and other sensations but my mind wants to go somewhere else.

Sometimes when I become very present fear comes up.

Have a good night!

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Good morning Jack

That sounds a bit complicated. Ha e you seen this?

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu


Also, here is something Vince wrote about this:

The main impediment, as it shows up here, is the felt need to make something happen.

More specifically:
the seeker-pattern that keeps trying to reproduce, control, or get back to peace.

It shows up as:
wanting to know how the quiet happened
wanting to be able to do it again at will
turning calm into a result to be achieved
turning “letting go,” “surrender,” and “do nothing” into things a someone must do
looking for the right method, video, understanding, or inner move that will finally make awakening land

So if I isolate it as cleanly as possible:

Main impediment is the belief that awakening is something a “me” can produce, control, or attain in the future.

Underneath that, there’s a second layer feeding it:

The emotional flavour is the habitual orientation toward fixing discomfort and improving experience — the half-glass-empty reflex that interprets life as something that should be made different.

That is why even good pointers get turned into suffering:

“do nothing” becomes “how do I do do-nothing?”
“let go” becomes “I need to let go better”
“surrender” becomes “I must perform surrender”
a glimpse of peace becomes “how do I make that happen again?”

So the core obstacle is not lack of insight. It is not lack of practice. It is not lack of sincerity.

It is the selfing movement that immediately claims experience and tries to use it to get somewhere else.

Wanting peace is disturbing peace.
Wanting awakening is reinforcing the seeker.

The main impediment to “waking up” is the attempt to wake up.

What seems to most obstruct waking up is the deeply conditioned assumption that “I” can make it happen. You keep trying to reproduce peace, control insight, or perform surrender, and in doing so quietly reinforces the very self it longs to be free of. So the impediment is not lack of understanding, but the reflex to use every glimpse, practice, or pointer as a way to get somewhere else. In that sense, the obstacle is the effort itself — the movement of becoming, fixing, and attaining.

What if the one trying to wake up is the one being seen through?
What if the effort to arrive is what creates the sense of distance?
What if nothing is missing except the idea that something is missing?

much love

vince

Loving

[Quincy]

That sounds a bit complicated. Have you seen this?

Yes, thank you. It resonates.

I am keeping it very simple actually and when I am aligned with the present moment fully, that is where there is clarity and the fear. Not existential fear, just a contraction in my chest. I think it's the fear of the unknown. Bring it on, I say!

I realize I can't make anything happen. I'm not in control. It's very microscopic at this point, seeing when these patterns show up, as Vince described.

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Okay, good.

Remember, you're likely to see clearly when you're relaxed & not practicing.

Loving,

[Quincy]

Remember, you're likely to see clearly when you're relaxed & not practicing.

Thank you for that.

I find that slowing everything down puts me there, wherever or whatever 'there" is.

[Anastacia42]

Yes. You're doing great.

Loving,

[Quincy]

Thank you!

[Quincy]

Hi Stacy,

It's been a couple of days and I wanted to make sure I checked in with you.

I had an injury to my foot which has caused me to slow down. Sometimes a disruption is what is needed.
I'm doing an online meditation this week. It will be Wednesday to Sunday. I did this one in January and it was very good.
I will keep you posted on any insights or anything else that comes up during that time.

Insights have been coming up in daily life. Insights about other people, judgements, things like that. I am able to see when I make judgments or feel the need to gossip or expect other people to be a certain way. I don't have to believe these things or react. I can just observe the mind doing these things. I don't always see these things in real time, but that's ok.

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Yes.

Sorry about your foot.

Remember we are looking for a shift in perception.

Loving,