Am I in a universe level Truman show?

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

in this same way LOOK.
Is there someONE happening?

When I look or observe the closest thing to a someone happening is thoughts making comments about stuff happening, with 'Me or I' in the language and with reference to thoughts about the past.

e.g. He does not like me when I see someone.

It is not a someone. It is time-based thoughts and recollections with a reference to an implied, fuzzy, label to me or I.

These just appear. Spontaneously. I have no control over these thoughts appearing.

Or it is sensations and feelings that also just appear and attention is drawn to, and then a pattern of thoughts that start worrying about feelings and speculating what it might be about.

When I read back what I wrote 'It is not a someone...' I get a strong feeling of fear / anxiety arising. It seems to be sticking around too.

And then follow on thoughts that recall reading that fear happens when you are close to a breakthrough.

And follow on thoughts that I hope I don't have a freak out while at work.

Ha. Ha.

They should put a warning label on the tin. Looking closely at your fundamental beliefs may result in stuff happening you did not expect 😂

[graceabounds]

😂

‘I’ is the fear, it IS the contraction.

Follow the relaxation, the gap between thoughts, while at work lol…
Is there a self-structure to be found there?

Then come back to the physical sensations labeled ‘fear’ or ‘anxiety’ after work and continue to deconstruct them. What are they made of exactly?

Stare into the abyss…

Big love!

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

Hope your week is going well.

the gap between thoughts, while at work lol…
Is there a self-structure to be found there?

No, just life flowing.

While looking had this happen and learned something out of it.

Looking at the gap for a while it feels timeless, and then an 'I' thought, "I don't smile anymore".

I noticed it is trying to lock life down, keep things stuck there in that past moment, analysing that moment again and again. It doesn't matter what thought or sense triggered it, it just wants to stay locked there, with attention on it.

Also.... General things about, 'I' thoughts.

When I look for a self structure, there isn't one. There are just thoughts appearing referring to a me or a them. Just a habit? Nothing serious.

And at work it is all emails and thoughts engaging with other thoughts. Thoughts sparring with thoughts. Labels sparring with labels.

Also I can't seem to have a 'me' or 'I' without thought. And those thoughts are referencing past events, or future events.

Which are not happening now.

Separation seems to be when you are thinking about something that is not happening and treating it as reality. There is what is happening, and there is thought talking about what happened or might happen which are not based in reality.

Dunno where this is going, but I realise this happens all the time.

---

come back to the physical sensations labeled ‘fear’ or ‘anxiety’ after work and continue to deconstruct them. What are they made of exactly?

I can't get that feeling back. All the air got let out of it and it is way gone. I'll remember to try your suggestion next time.

---

I have also been looking at whether there ever was a me.

This one is a bit harder. Again though, it is only accessible via thoughts about the past, and the past is definitely not reality anymore, and my recollection of it is not to be trusted (imperfect).

Will keep looking.

I am getting the message clear. Having a look, right here and now is the way to check if something is real or not.

[graceabounds]

Bravo.

So now there is no need to ‘get rid of’ thoughts, simply see through them… :D


Here is an inquiry to support with thoughts about the past.

Almost everybody believes that a memory thought is referring to something that has happened. That a memory thought is a different thought than a non-memory thought.

Please don’t go to thought explanations, but just let a memory be there, and look at it. Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say, but what actually is.

What is memory exactly?
What is the memory ‘made of’?
WHEN does the memory appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Then, look at a thought about the future.
What is the future thought ‘made of’?
WHEN does the future thought appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.
What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?
If there is difference, how is that difference known exactly?


So in this ‘just life flowing’ what is REAL? Right now, take a look, what do you see?

Maybe take a walk outside in nature if you can and simply spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colors, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.
Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

Big love,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

I've done the first part of the looking. It was tricky, but got there in the end.

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

What is memory exactly?

Thoughts and the other senses playing a scene or conversation.

What is the memory ‘made of’?

Fuzzy pictures with the thoughts playing back what was said and thoughts about the context (see below). And sound.

When does the memory appear?

Now. It is appearing now. Though there are thoughts that say when (in time) it happened.

What is the exact difference between a memory thought and a general thought.

This was a hard one. I kept thinking (I know, I know) that the memory is way different to normal now thoughts. I don't have fuzzy pictures coming up in normal life! But... on looking...

The memory I picked was when is was 5 and mum and I did a science experiment with a boiled egg, matches and a milk bottle. Set matches on fire, put in bottle, put egg on top, and woooomph the egg gets sucked into the bottle.

Thoughts tell me what the scene is, who was there, how old I was, context, how I loved doing this with Mum, reminds me about the little book we were reading about science.

The sound of the egg sucked in replays.

The scene (a fuzzy image) with the bottle appears. The rest of the scene is fuzzy.

So. Looking. Thoughts appear just the same as general thoughts. Sound appears the same way as general sound.

I got stuck on sight, but I realised that if I tried to visualise a milk bottle with an egg and matches right now, it looks the same as the memory visualisation.

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Oh for goodness sake! A thought tells me it is a memory!

Thoughts tell me the context and the setting and the story and the timeline.

I am speechless again. Mind blown again!

Will look at the other parts over the weekend.

I don't know where this is all going, but I want to find out.

[superchook]

A little follow up realisation.

I started thinking about the memories just being normal thoughts with a thought context wrapping, and I thought about how 'my life' feels like a massive dupe, a rug pull, a deception.

And then I realise a thought is what tells me that this feels like a big deception.

Arrrgggggghhh. What?!?

[graceabounds]

:D

Was there anyone existing to be duped? Who would do such a thing? :)

With you in spirit for the next questions about this thing we call FUTURE.

But wanted to offer this…

I got stuck on sight, but I realised that if I tried to visualise a milk bottle with an egg and matches right now, it looks the same as the memory visualisation

There are two types of thoughts:
(1) Thoughts with words “Here is a bottle” or “egg”
(2) Visual mental images of a ‘bottle’ or ‘egg’

Think of a cup. Get a very clear picture in your mind. See clearly the size, shape, color and volume of the cup. Notice whether it is decorated or plain. Notice whether it has a handle. Notice whether it is heavy or fragile. Do you have a clear picture in mind?

Now, can you physically grasp that image of a cup?
Can you pour tea into it?
Can you drink from it?

Is there a ‘real’ cup or just an image of a cup?
Is there an appearing mental image?
Is the content of the mental image (the cup) ‘real’?

The thoughts and mental images are real only as arising thoughts and mental images, their ‘presence’ cannot be denied. However their contents, what are they about are not ‘real’, they are just fantasies. Can you see this?

Over the course of the next day or so, I'd like you to notice the content of thoughts. Whenever there is an arising thought or mental image, check whether its content (what it’s about) is really happening, or the content is just pure imagination. Let me know how it
goes.

-Becca

[superchook]

Over the course of the next day or so, I'd like you to notice the content of thoughts. Whenever there is an arising thought or mental image, check whether its content (what it’s about) is really happening, or the content is just pure imagination. Let me know how it goes

.

I see people, thoughts arise speculating about what moods people are in and what it means and what they think of me. Imaginary.

Thoughts about future events and rehearsing future conversations about future possible scenarios. Imaginary.

Thoughts about thoughts and the nature of thinking. These are talking about past patterns and are therefore talking about imaginary stuff. I can't go back there to the past.

Interesting that these thoughts seem clear, real, and relevant as they discuss imaginary stuff that is in the past, and the past can only only be accessed by imagination (recall).

Thinking about what to do about situations. Future stuff and predictions of scenarios where I have no ability to know what will happen. Imaginary.

Thinking about and planning for days ahead, these thoughts are based on what I think will happen based on what has happened in the past, and therefore are based on an imagined model of how stuff works. So thoughts based on imagination appearing certain about stuff that hasn't happened. 😂 Stuff I imagine is coming up this week.

Wow. It is all imagined stories about imagined stories about imagined stories...

What is it like through the gate? Do all these stories about stories continue?

[superchook]

Hi again Becca,

Here's some bonus additions. 😂

Thinking about shitty work situation, and thinking 'why do I have to do this?!?'

'Shitty work' is a story about reality so... Imaginary.

'why do I have to'... An 'I' can't be found, so that whole thought is about an imaginary entity. So... Imaginary.

And then another thought 'what do I do now?' which is an invitation to speculate on what might be done to get something in the future. An imaginary future.

This is a deep rabbit hole. And of course that statement is a story too, and there are no actual rabbits here.

[graceabounds]

What is it like through the gate? Do all these stories about stories continue?

You tell me.

What happens when the stories about stories are seen through?

'why do I have to'... An 'I' can't be found, so that whole thought is about an imaginary entity. So... Imaginary.

Beyond “an I cannot be found, so….”
Without concluding anything. Simply take a look.

Is there a separate self at all?

…or was that too made up, imaginary… ?

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

What happens when the stories about stories are seen through?

Well, they keep happening. And some of them get noticed as being the stories they are, and some keep telling themselves. And some just fade.

And some deeper stories get seen. And the time and energy creating stories gets noticed too.

Is there a separate self at all?

Not without thought, recall, imagination, story telling, dreaming up scenarios.

Self is imaginary. Not present when looking. Not present in reality.

Nothing to die. Only imagination.
Just like the Christianity faith that I could no longer believe in. It got seen through, and so it fades.

Everything carries ow

[superchook]

Every carries on. 😂

Though 'everything carries ow' is funnier.

[graceabounds]

Hello Grant,

Ow is as good a philosophy as any, which is to say blah blah blady blah… :)

I’m going to offer a series of questions now to uncover any remaining gaps in clear seeing. Look into each and continue to report immediately from the raw experience itself, not a concept or philosophy about it.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

8) Anything to add?

With love and gratitude,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

Thank you for all the pushes to look at what is real. You are wonderful.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. And no.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it
starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as
you see it now.

The illusion is stories about stories about stories. Stories about what life is supposed to be, what to do, when to do it, what it is supposed to mean.

Eventually it becomes habit to relate from these stories. Like a good book, you become one with the story, it's like you are there. But it is imagined. Thoughts. Stories. Fantasy.

Common fantasy stories appear like time, past, future. Me. Other.

None of these exist when looking in reality. Without thought and imagination they can't be accessed. They don't exist in reality, and you can't find them or go there.

It starts with a thought appearing about something experienced, and other thoughts recall other stories, and thoughts connect and riff on each other about what that appearance or thought means, and play around with each other, and wham a fantasy story world is in full swing.

Just like the complexity and spontaneous creation of what is seen when eyes are opened, or the spontaneous sounds that appear and disappear without any input, thoughts appear and they weave themselves into imaginary worlds.

So, separation is getting lost in the stories. Ignoring what is real.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we
started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days

.

It's noticing what is imaginary and how much energy is spent speculating and worrying and planning and interpreting thoughts about things that are imaginary. Things that are not here. Things that can't be predicted.

It feels like things can go back to being a spontaneous adventure, without having to pretend to have control.

Also, I realise I don't believe I am some broken thing anymore. That was a story. Imaginary.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

Looking at past and future and seeing that they are only possible via imagination. And then seeing that the follow up thoughts are just riffing on that imagination.

That and your constant reminder to look and see what is truth, what is real, and to not accept thoughts about thoughts as an answer.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

Decisions are simply happenings that get explained (narrated) by thoughts after they happen. The truth is that there is no me detectable that makes decisions when you look.

Intention is pre-thinking and imagination about what could be. Just thoughts, and having no power over what will be. And ultimately having no power over anything.

Choice. The elaborate display of thought and pre thinking that make it look like something that just happened was decided (a decision) by any entity that isn't there.

Control. Something that is something we (a supposed entity) are supposed to exert over the world or ourselves, but it is just a thought concept. It is especially hilarious when any attempt is made to control thought itself. Can't be done. Control as a concept is built on sand.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

Certainly not by a me or an I or a God. They are all thought creations.

I don't know what makes things happen.

Stuff appears. It happens. I don't have the slightest idea how.

I can tell you for sure, 'I' had nothing to do with it. 'I' can't make anything reliable happen, not even thought.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

It's easier to say what I am not responsible for.

Not my genes. I had nothing to do with it.
Not my personality. Shaped by trillions of influences.
Not my decisions. I don't make them.
Not my senses. That happens, there is no input from a me.
Not my thoughts. There is no control.
Not my speech. Stuff gets said.
Not my actions. There is no control. Only after explanations by thoughts.
Not my life and what it achieves. There is no control, no decisions, and no meaning.

Pretty much everything is opposite to what I have been taught. And yet, here we are continuing to be. Life goes on, without responsibility and without meaning.

8) Anything to add?

Up till now it has been "I think, therefore I am."

Now it is seen that the I am never needed the thought.

And thank you, for all of your nudges towards the truth.

Big love! :D

Grant

[graceabounds]

Hello Grant,

Let’s deepen inquiry for question #3.
How does it FEEL to see this?

Prior to the analysis, what sensations have been present in recent days? Temperature, tension, relaxation etc…

In gratitude,
Becca