What am i?

[Noro]

Hi Idk,

Briefly describe any body sensations with the apparent location in the body and the quality of the sensations.
Does a felt sensation point to a separate individual or self called by that name?

1.I notice a change in my breathing, and a slight change in my heartbeat as well
2. No, don’t think so

Reminder: Don't think! You cannot trust thinking, it is purely conceptual. LOOK! :)




TIME EXERCISE
Time is an experience, it is not fundamental

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

Take a few deep breaths to relax and then look in direct experience and answer the following according to your actual findings, NOT thoughts about your findings:

Is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along a line of time?

An experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

How long does the ‘now’ last?

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or simply thoughts about ‘time’?


Warmly,

Rowena

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

I realize that I have already given you the time exercise, but no worries, each time is a new moment of experiencing, so take the opportunity to look again!

Warmly,
Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along a line of time?

there is no linearity of time, there is only this moment.

An experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

there isn’t an experience of that here. it’s hard to explain, but i’ll try to put it as clearly as possible: there are past moments, but they exist as memory, and there isn’t a sense that one past moment leads to a new moment. there is only the direct experience of what i’m seeing in experience right now.

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

No

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

it seems impossible for the present moment itself to move, because it is always just this moment.

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

No

How long does the 'now' last?

it never ends. actually, the concept of "this moment" doesn’t really make much sense, because in direct experience there is no experience of time, or of "this moment" as such. there is only what is happening, without a beginning or an end.

Where does the 'now' start, and where does it end?

it neither begins nor ends.

When does the 'now' exactly become the 'past?

never, because the present moment could be said to be eternal.

What is the 'past' in actual experience?

in direct experience, there is no experience of the past or future, and even the present moment itself cannot be experienced.

So is there actual experience of 'time' or simply thoughts about "time'?

Only thoughts

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Thanks for doing the exercise again, and I sensed a lot more clarity this time around! Here is an exercise to continue on this last one:

MEMORY INVESTIGATION

Almost everybody takes a memory about a past event as an actuality; that it actually happened in the way we've been told (i.e. history) or in the way we "remember" a past event. This exercise is not to discount memory, it is pointing to what is actually happening in our direct experience when a memory arises.

What is a memory? We can say it is a thought (and this includes mental images) that seems to refer to a narrative about the past and which may or may not evoke feelings/sensations in the body.

Sit down, take a few breaths to relax and then bring to mind a recent "event". Choose something simple, it could have happened 5 minutes ago as you remember what you were doing before you sat down to do this exercise.

Just let a "memory" be there, and look at it, simply, in your direct experience. And remember, you don't have to know, or come up with some explanation as you answer the questions!!

Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.

Consider, what is the memory ‘made of’? What is actually happening in your direct experience?

Now, think of a flying pink elephant flying across the room, let that image go, and now return to the memory thought.

Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?
Is there a difference, other than the content?

How is it known that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?
Does it require further thought to affirm the apparent "reality" of the memory thought

Now, look at a thought about the future.

What is the future thought ‘made of’?

What is the difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

How is it known that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that might happen?

What is this information based on?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

If there is difference, how is that difference is known exactly?

No analysis please, just looking from your direct experience.


Warmly,

Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Thanks for doing the exercise again

Thank you for the exercises!

Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?
Is there a difference, other than the content?

Yeah, the only difference is the content.

How is it known that a 'memory' thought refers to something that has happened?

It just feels that way, you simply kind of know what happened effortlessly.

Does it require further thought to affirm the apparent "reality" of the memory thought

No

What is the future thought 'made of'?

Just an image

What is the difference between a 'general' thought and a
"future' thought?

There’s more emotional weight to it, but otherwise both are just thoughts.

How is it known that a 'future' thought refers to something that might happen?

It’s the same as with the past, it just feels that way.

What is this information based on?

It’s based on a feeling that it will happen. A feeling of something familiar.

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

There’s no difference at all.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,


LOOKING OUT AT THE WORLD - THE WORLD LOOKS BACK!

Sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, look around you and take in the visual field (the world around you).
Ask yourself: "What do I see in front of my face" and let any thoughts/labels be there..
Now, let go of all thoughts and labels and keep looking out at the visual field,

Where were you getting the 'information' about a world?

Was it in the seen?
Are there actual objects out there? Yes/No
If yes, how do you know?
Is there actual distance? Yes/No
If yes, how do you know?
Can distance be found in the visual field alone?
Is there a boundary or any distance between you (the observer) and the visual field?

Now flip it around, so that instead of looking out at the world, you feel that the world (visual field) is looking at you!
Allow your attention to land on an object, any object in front of you.
Experience that you are being observed and the chosen object is now looking at you.

Is there any separate thing or separate "you" to be found?
Is there a boundary to be found between see-er and the seen with this flip?
Is there an actual outside or inside that can be flipped around?

Briefly describe what was experienced, including thinking and sensations.

Warmly,

Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,

Was it in the seen?

No, all the information came from thoughts

Are there actual objects out there? Yes/No

Honestly, i don’t know. It feels like there are objects, but it also feels like they’re just thoughts that objects exist.

Is there actual distance? Yes/No

No

Is there a boundary or any distance between you (the observer) and the visual field?

No

Is there any separate thing or separate "you" to be found?

In this moment there is nothing, only the feeling that something is looking, with nothing being looked at. It’s just that feeling

Is there a boundary to be found between see-er and the seen with this flip?

No

Is there an actual outside or inside that can be flipped around?

No, i don’t see any

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Was it in the seen?

No, all the information came from thoughts

Are there actual objects out there? Yes/No

Honestly, i don’t know. It feels like there are objects, but it also feels like they’re just thoughts that objects exist.

It's good that you noticed the feeling sensation accompanying the seeing. Every question can lead into a conventional response rather than a response from direct experience (as in the Q above this one) So there was some hesitation here probably as the somatic response kicked in and some subtle underlying thoughts:"what do you mean there are no objects!!"
The habitual mind that has been conditioned by conventional (and very useful) thinking will naturally object. So when hesitation arises, take a little break to calm the body-mind system down, and start the meditation over.

Sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, look around you and take in the visual field (the world around you).
Ask yourself: "What do I see in front of my face" and let any thoughts/labels be there..
Now, let go of all thoughts and labels and keep looking out at the visual field.

Can you see that the visual field provides no information at all: the raw visual experience is simply seeing. Yes/No

As a first concession in order to help stabilize the mind into direct seeing we can say there are colors, but we had to learn about colors when we were little. And then we can learn to deduce forms out of the colors; but we had to learn about them too when we were little. Do you see where we are going with this?

This is not a practice of un-learning, it is a practice of seeing clearly the different components that make up an experience, and the way do this is by the practice of direct experience. If a bus comes around the corner you are still going to jump out of the way!

Is there any separate thing or separate "you" to be found?

In this moment there is nothing, only the feeling that something is looking, with nothing being looked at. It’s just that feeling

Good, we can investigate that feeling:
Where is that feeling or sensation located?
It could be in the body, or, it could also be in the head somewhere as a subtle tension. Follow the sensation(s) for a while.
If there is some tension, then it might seem to be fixed in a single location.

Does the sensation indicate that there is a separate see-er or a separate "you" to be found ?
Without interpretation by thinking, does sensation provide any other information other than simply sensation?

NATURE MEDITATION
Go outside into nature (or simply outside where you live) and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds, cars, people - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement, always. Only thoughts can seem to distract from this one movement, and they too are part of that one movement.

Now close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

If yes, where is this boundary?

Now open your eyes

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

Is witnessing part of the one movement, too?

Can an actual witness be found?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

Warmly,

Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,
Thank you for all these questions, it was really interesting to answer them!

Can you see that the visual field provides no information at all: the raw visual experience is simply seeing. Yes/ No

Yeah, I can see this really clearly right now. Before, there were always these labels on whatever I was seeing, but now it feels like I’m just looking at a picture in a game. There’s no separation between objects, and nothing has names. The moment I say something or think that an object has a name, it immediately creates this split between what I’m actually seeing and the thought about it – that it has a certain shape and color. In direct experience, the visual field doesn’t give any extra information beyond the picture itself. Everything else, like distance and so on, is just thoughts.

Still, there’s this sense of distance between the one who’s looking and what’s being looked at. In direct experience I can see there’s no real boundary between the observer and the observed, but when it comes to stabilizing this and keeping it clear all the time, an “I” appears which, by its mere presence, creates that distance.

Good, we can investigate that feeling:
Where is that feeling or sensation located?
It could be in the body, or, it could also be in the head somewhere as a subtle tension. Follow the sensation(s) for a while.
If there is some tension, then it might seem to be fixed in a single location.

It feels like a slight tension around the eyes. I still don’t really know where the sensation itself comes from. It seems like it just exists on its own, without being tied to any specific spot in the body, but at the same time it’s accompanied by a bodily feeling, specifically tension in the eyes.

Does the sensation indicate that there is a separate see-er or a separate "you" to be found ?

No, this feeling and the sensation in the body don’t indicate any ‘I’ at all.

NATURE MEDITATION

I don’t know if I did the exercise right, but I didn’t notice one whole movement. I just saw movement as a phenomenon. Maybe it’s the same thing, who knows.

Now close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

I see that there’s no difference between "internal" sensations and external phenomena, they’re both the same. I didn’t notice any separate or unified self, i just saw what was happening and in that there’s no separate me. There’s only what’s happening.

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

There’s only life itself.

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Maybe buildings

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

I don’t think such a witness exists. There’s no difference between what is observing and what is being observed. In direct experience there’s only what is happening. Any sense of an observer is probably just thought. From direct experience, there’s no separate self looking at the world, and no world to look at. There’s only what is.

Is there anything which is not just happening?

No, don’t think so.

[Noro]

Hello Idk,

Still, there’s this sense of distance between the one who’s looking and what’s being looked at. In direct experience I can see there’s no real boundary between the observer and the observed, but when it comes to stabilizing this and keeping it clear all the time, an “I” appears which, by its mere presence, creates that distance.

Now you've hit on a sticky topic. And you've worded it very well. "Trying to stabilize this and keep it clear all the time, an "I" appears which, by its mere presence, creates that distance" Beautifully put. The mere act of trying to stabilize that free flow of direct experience implies a "doing', and any "trying to do", or efforting to control experience is going to create some tension in the system. This is the whole crux of the issue.

So, next time that happens look into exactly 'what' that 'I" which appears and creates that distance is made of.
First of all, can you find the presence of a separate "I"? Probably not, you've looked enough by now. So what is it?
It is something appearing as an experience, so look to body sensations, particularly around the head. If you find something, just notice it for what it is.

What do you find?

It feels like a slight tension around the eyes. I still don’t really know where the sensation itself comes from. It seems like it just exists on its own, without being tied to any specific spot in the body, but at the same time it’s accompanied by a bodily feeling, specifically tension in the eyes.

You can't know where the sensation comes from. Sensation is a sensation, and the body is the sensing mechanism for feelings and sensations.

Can a sensation exist on its own? Can you remove a sensation from the whole field of sensation and put it aside?
And, what's more, you've found the sensation.... specifically tension in the eyes! Bingo!!
And yes, thought will say it feels like an "I" or witness is there. But does the tension/sensation have anything to say about it?

Advance warning: it is easy to get pulled into playing a game of hide and seek with tensions in the head like this. That elusive "sense of self"! It's only when we become aware of them that we gradually see how much pressure is created by mental energy trying to figure out something. My go to, when this happens, is to take a break from the inquiry and allow energy to drop downwards into the torso.


NATURE MEDITATION

I don’t know if I did the exercise right, but I didn’t notice one whole movement. I just saw movement as a phenomenon. Maybe it’s the same thing, who knows.

Perhaps the pointer wasn't clear. The one whole movement of nature here was referring to the free-flow of life and experiencing. Taking it all in from an open field of awareness, and that includes the movement of the wind in the plants and the trees, the birds flying, animals and people. The cars driving by. The movement of different colors arising in the visual field that are usually classified as unmovable objects like roads, signs and buildings.


Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

I don’t think such a witness exists.

That answer is not from your direct experience. Thinking is the mind trying to interpret and come up with an answer (another thought) that fits in with the current mental map. We are looking in order to change that mental map.

Is there anything which is not just happening?

No, don’t think so.

When you write "don't think so" take a look; where are you answering from? Thought: (thinking about) or direct experience?
The mind can creep in and take over, especially if there is a bit of tension arising in the body. And also if the question appears to invite some kind of mental discussion.


STREAM EXERCISE
Imagine for a moment a scene, one of a little mountain stream which is tumbling down a hillside gully, not far from its source. It has been raining and so the level is quite high.

Consider in your mind's eye, if you can, how it flows to the right over a little rock (where, had the level been lower, it would probably have gone around the rock), then the flow goes to the left over a tree bow, and then slows a little in a broader place, before splashing over a small cascade into a pool, and so on down the mountain side.

Does it choose any of its directions? Is a stream ever really a separate entity, different from other water deposited in it, the rocks, the depressions in the ground etc? Is it ever the exact same entity moment by moment, or more the product of weather conditions, ground conditions and water, like an ever-changing pattern?

1. Using this metaphor, can you find anywhere where "you" autonomously intervenes into life, choosing something that is not the product of all the elements; that is not a part of the overall flow?

2. Now please consider a regular decision made eg; what to wear in the morning, or what to eat for lunch, and describe to me what happens.

Consider that there are environmental factors, consider any preferences like color, shape and texture.
Consider where did those preferences come from?

Was any autonomous intervention actually involved?

Consider any practical issues (such as what is available).
Consider the time factor, i.e. for preparation.
Consider the purpose (eg; need to fill up for the day, or to look hip and cool for that person!) etc.

Where in all of the above is an autonomous entity intervening in the flow of life?

Can you find a someone somewhere? (Not just thoughts, and thoughts about the thoughts (thought bundles), none of which are solid even if they seem to have some solidity for an instant.)

Do you control attention?
Do you control feelings?
Do you control choices?
Do you control thoughts?
Do you control anything?

3. Now consider, can anything be found for which a 'you' is responsible – if so responsible to what and for what?

What do you find?


Warm wishes,

Rowena

[Idk]

Hi Rowena,
I wanted to apologize in advance because I won’t be available for at least the next 2 days. My studies are taking up almost all my time right now, so I barely have any left for self-reflection. I promise I’ll reply to everything once I’m free.

[Noro]

Hi there Idk,

Thanks very much for letting me know. I will look forward to hearing from you when you are ready.

Good luck with your studies!

Warmly,

Rowena

[Idk]

Good luck with your studies!

Thank you very much!