Hi Becca
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no "me" as experience.And it was not there and will not be. It comes only as a thought.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
"I" comes as a thought. For example there is feeling in the body and thought come "it is my feeling" or "it is me".
Similarly, if a decision is made, a choice is made, the thought may arise that I have chosen. Or, in the moment, the thought may arise that I am choosing. But if we look closely at this thought, it is simply a thought. There is no such "I" that chooses; it is not localized anywhere. And if we have the feeling that it is localized, then it is simply a feeling, and the thought comes that this is "I."
In general, when exploring the “I thought,” I cannot find it, its location, its existence, except as a thought. Things are happening. Decisions are happening. No separation.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I feel more freedom than before our dialogue began. Even when fear comes, I see it as fear; it doesn't drag me down too much anymore. It comes and goes. I still get the feeling that something inside is dying, something is being released, and there's more freedom. More lightness and joy. I was recently at a retreat and there was a disco, and while dancing there, there was a feeling of unity. There were no comparisons, and if they arose, they simply passed by. There was a lot of freedom in it. There was unity and integrity. The desire to run somewhere and become someone has diminished. The feeling of searching has diminished. There is more inner silence.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?
I didn't really understand the question. When it was the last bit? In what situation?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.
Decision just happens. When moments comes. But "I" thought might appropriate it.
Intention. I don't know how to subscribe. I don't know from where it comes.
Free will. Same things here. Things are happening. I don't know where is free will or other will. Free will belongs to whom? Supposed to "I". But "I" is a fake.
Control. Looks like an illusion. Who control. I can say same things. That the things are happening. I can explain it.
6) What makes things happen? How does it work?
It is just happening. What can I say. I don't know how it works. It is just works. Just happening all the time.
7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
From experience I can't say where is my responsible. There is no one who can be responsible. Only "I' thought can arise but this is only thought and not direct experience.
8) Anything to add?
some times i don't go to direct of experience and I thought comes and create many things. but it is also ok. is is also just happening. and from direct experience see that there. is no "I"
