Investigation

[graceabounds]

My pleasure Ben.

Should you wish, here is a series of questions to look into. Sit with them and answer each from this place of looking directly rather than theory or thought, and we can explore further if any trace of the self-illusion remains in THIS…
:)

(Also please the quote function as you have been so it is clear which answer is for which question).

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

8) Anything to add?

Big love, and gratitude.
Becca

[Pantikol]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

This question has come up in my mind many times recently. Something has been looking at it, but there are always only thoughts, feelings, moods, and bodily sensations that arise. Why would this be mine? Because others have said so? There is only a continuous, changing experience. There are reactions as well.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Now I only experience an automatic reaction. The character hasn't changed much. But I don't think it matters. Similar feelings and thoughts still arise, but there's no overthinking. In fact, I can't even follow complicated sentences anymore. Too much energy.

My mother is dying, I did everything. The same feelings came up. I cried. Physically it was like a sneeze. Neutral.

But I was crying even before the event, for no reason. I know it sounds stupid, but I think everything is fine. Now I understand that death is part of life, because there is always only life...

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

When we started, I felt that I was close, but something was not yet complete.

Anyway, I have been to many places, consciously for 26 years, but I think I have been looking for something since the beginning of my life. It was not completely new, because I had been interested in Advaita etc. for a long time. But this was just a lifestyle created, prolonging the journey instead of arriving.

Reading the Liberation Unleashed books, forum (a small book of one helper) every day, practicing it kept the fire going. In the meantime, we did the investigation with you. While reading the book, it occurred to me to watch the video (Ilona wrote that she will interview this person in the future), I had watched him before 1-2 years ago. Those few sentences burned in and remained, something clicked, it was something like: “there is no me and you cannot understand, this is the trap. Everything is empty…”

Then I realized that I was watching something and giving it energy that does not exist. This constantly remained that there is no me. The reading of the book is over.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

Yes, see question 3. Then I will answer question 3 as well.:) What has changed? I can't search because there is nothing. I see that everyone believes in something else, I respect it, but it's just a story.

Apart from that, I don't know that anything has changed. I'd rather not know than know...

I just sit there and there's nothing to do with it or achieve anything. Since then, the mood has also changed, constantly, but I'm starting to get used to it.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

The old thoughts keep coming up. For example, find a job, work for it, etc. But somehow it feels like violence. Of course, if it turns out that way, I'll do what I have to, but I won't keep it up because of fear. I feel like I don't really need to move.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

I have no idea. Not me. What makes the sun shine? Things happen all the time. And nothing happens like a series or a rumor anyway. It seems very important but from a distance it has no significance.

But I'm not writing this because I'm in some special state. It just came up. All this talk about enlightenment has led me astray, because I've been measuring myself against it, when it's always been there.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

I can't promise anything. I don't know what will come up, but I would rather continue to help others than harm them. And I will do whatever is necessary, although that is relative.

It's like the other person is another character and I am too. A program. The reactions are predictable a lot of the time.

8) Anything to add?

I'm not sure about anything, except that I am a thought.

How can I help others? I saw the same video or book differently 1 or 10 years ago. If you put energy into searching, it only confirms it...

Thanks for your help!

[graceabounds]

Hello Ben,

A lot of compassion is arising here for you and your mom in these simultaneous transitions.

I went through everything written here and have no further questions. So it appears the Gateless Gate has been crossed… but as you know there is no Gate, no one to cross it, and no end to the journey.

Soon you’ll receive an email notifying you of a PM from the forum, inviting you to join LU's Facebook groups. It also has other information that might be of interest. Your username will change from green to blue and this thread will be moved to the ‘Archive’ section of the forum, but you will be able to access it.

The experience these past few weeks is just the beginning of exploring what remains. It will also be the beginning of cleaning up of all sorts of old beliefs and habitual patterns of thought as has already been happening. This can be an emotional process and a nonlinear one. If you have any questions or hiccups at all, you are welcome to continue to use this thread or email me directly any time.

Should you wish to help others in this way, you would be welcome to guide here at LU. We can chat further about that if there is resonance or curiosity.

It has been a pleasure to walk beside you here. Of course it is not the end of our conversation. Here to support as things continue to evolve. Will send you a DM.

With gratitude and love,
Becca